AI6 "Four kill Boogie Night"

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giselle: "30 million Americans…"
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giselle: "Ok, phew. I thought I was alone with Barry Gibb and I don't like this kind of music."
AMAI: "LOL. You're not alone. Jordin said so the other week. And Judge Judy is in the crowd. Mr. AMAI saw her."
QB: "Scary."

The show opens with the usual blah-di-blah between Ryan and the Judges, followed by the usual prepared movie package, this time about the BeeGees' slew of hits. Guest mentor Barry Gibb will assist the Kids tonight, as they perform two songs each. But not two songs together back-to-back, so there's no sense of what a set of theirs would be like. It's also too bad there isn't a rule that makes them choose one slow song and one fast.

During rehearsal, Barry listens to the four Kids harmonizing round a piano, then says, "You sound great together, you wanna be a group?" I bet he retracted that invitation after listening to the god-awful medley on Results Night." But I leap ahead…

Melinda:
Song 1: Love You Inside And Out.

She says her goal is to take a song originally performed by a group and make it work for a solo artist. Barry reminds us he was singing like a lady in the first place, so the song should work for her. The trouble is, Melinda's best range is not as high as Barry's used to be.

QB: "She is just so boring to me. It really doesn't matter what she sings."
AMAI: "At first I thought she was doing a good job. The first few lines were good. But then it started to put me to sleep. Luckily I had REM sleep and dreamed I was rewatching Apolo & Julianne for a 5th time. Now THAT was awesome."


AMAI: "I don't like her outfit. But is she getting thinner?"
QB: "Must be a new girdle."
Mr. AMAI: "What's with the tether?"
AMAI: "It's for hanging herself after."
giselle: "The jeans don't work well on her."
AMAI: "Did she have those pants sprayed on? They make her legs splay funny."
giselle: "You're right. It looks like her thighs were duct taped together. To be honest, I fast forwarded through most of the performance."
QB: "Lol, that sounds familiar."
giselle: "She was better last week."
MG: "God, that was boring. Boring song, boring performance."

I think I know what it was. It was kind of like 'Anne Murray Sings Disco.' Anne's voice is bland, blah, albeit soothing. Everyone needs to own an Anne Murray for a cheap yet reliable sedative.

Randy hums and haws, eventually croaking that it wasn't her best.

AMAI: "Randy is just now realizing that maybe no one is in it to win it."

Paula: "It's hard to critique you. You vocals are great and that's consistent, thank god. But we're looking for something that will wow us."

Simon: "What Paula was attempting to say was she wasn't impressed. That wasn't incredible. It was more of a backing vocalist performance. It wasn't a star's performance. I want to see better than that. Luckily you have a second song."

AMAI: "I thought Paula did a pretty good job of expressing herself."
MG: "Well, whatever Paula was trying to say was correct."
QB: "Melinda's vocals are always on, but there's no "wow" factor. I agree with the judges, all 3 of them for once."
AMAI: "She didn't WOW me either. She threatened to wow me for a minute there."
QB: "Not a good start for her. The others have a chance now."

Blake
Song 1: You Should Be Dancing

We watch rehearsal. Blake doesn't want to say what he's going to do to the song, but thankfully the editors override him and provide a sneak preview.

Mr. AMAI: "This should be horrible."
giselle: "We are in for a treat, I know it. Yay!! (not really)"
AMAI: "Oh yes, a treat. If you like doggie treats."
giselle: "Or sour pickles."
QB: "I bet Blake gets by tonight. I think his niche gets him through. The other 3 split the votes. The ones who liked Chris and Phil will go mostly to Blake. The "cute" vote has nowhere else to go."
AMAI: "A lot of people who liked Chris or Phil also like one of the girls. And he was in the bottom last week. I would hate to see Blake in the F2, because he doesn't sing. He poompooms. And Blake is not a cutie in the same mold as Chris or Phil. He's gay, or gayish."
QB: "All true. But I still think he'll get the little girltard vote and it will be enough."

The performance begins. It is quite gay.


Mr. AMAI: "Does this guy know he's stupid?"
QB: "Worst.Jacket.Ever."
Mr. AMAI: "Something is the matter with the TV."
AMAI: "He's doing the falsetto."
MG: "His falsetto sucks."
QB: "Falsetto is fine but he looks like a 'tard."
AMAI: "There is a limited market for Gay Disco."
giselle: "Guess the hair dye from last week didn't wash out, but the stripes are um, different."
MG: "Like a skunk."
AMAI: "How appropriate. Oh, where's my Ecstasy?"
MG: "I don't know but I can't find my painkillers either."
AMAI: " I stole 'em. Poppers for everyone! We were all in need, MG. Sowwy. Terrible performance."
giselle: "Well, 0 for 2."

Could it be? Has Randy fallen out of love with his dreamboat? His commentary is less than enthusiastic to say the least. And when you consider that Randy has praised all sorts of Blake-dreck, it's quite interesting that he isn't praising this. He found it "interesting," which is perhaps the new "pitchy." He says, "Sometimes when you beatbox, it works. This didn't work." Paula band-wagons, claiming he started shaky, and both melody & pitch were off. However, she thinks he showed "musicianship" with the beatboxing.

QB: "I honestly don't know what to say. I guess it was good? I am speechless. That stuff is always love it or hate it."
AMAI: "It's hilarious. And I hate it. OooOoo: Paula gives a full palm hand clap. That's extremely rare, you know."

Simon doesn't mince words: "Absolutely terrible." Not that there's anything further to say but he complains when the "You're So Done" music begins. Ryan faux-consoles him: "That's okay, Simon. Another time. We have a lot to do tonight." This is great! Only an hour to fill and plenty to fill it with! No time for idle chit-chat.

Lakisha
Song 1: Stayin' Alive

She receives personal instruction from Barry, who says he's looking forward to hearing her sing with the band. Is that a veiled remark that he has had enough of listening to her sing by herself?

giselle: "And I thought Melinda's jeans were bad..... this is a mess and gross but at least we don't have to look at her cleavage."
QB: "I had the same thought. Why let the fat girl wear spandex?"


giselle: "True!!! Bobby."
AMAI: "It's an unfortunate wardrobe choice."

Randy: "That was weird for me. It's a great melody and you tried to make it your own. You tried to do too much. Too much goin' on."
MG: "It wasn't too much going on."
AMAI: "No kidding. It's fucking disco. I heard the minor melody changes Randy was talking about. It wasn't worth making such an issue of them."
Tampa: "Randy is on the rag."
AMAI: "He's a giant turd. He's wrong to say she was bad to make it her own. If you can't make a song like Stayin' Alive your own, then what song can you make your own? STFU, Randy."
QB: "They are all kinda grouchy tonight, even Paula."
MG: "I like her tone better than Melinda's. That's about all I can say, sorry."

Paula: "Taking the tempo down brought everyone down.
Simon: "No kiss tonight baby. Back to the shouting again."

AMAI: "Evs. They clearly want her gone, so they're saying anything."
giselle: "0 for 3."
MG: "Lol at 'Evs' in AI chat."
AMAI: "This show is crappy but a crappy show might make for a funny recap. LOL."
giselle: "Better crappy than boring."
AMAI: I'm only really staying up to re-watch Apolo & Julianne one more time.
Mr. AMAI: "They're panning everyone's first song to make us stick around for the second half."

Jordin
Song 1: To Love Somebody

She is asked a Phantom Viewer question, "What have you learned about yourself during this whole Idol process?"

QB: "Who gives a shit what she's learned about herself?"
AMAI: "Her fans? But what could you learn? The only thing I really got from her answer is that she gets good grades, As and Bs."
giselle: "Oh, but good song."
AMAI: "It is a good song."
QB: "This is a tough song to sing. Jordin is the best one left. They'll love this one. I really want her to win."

Barry tells us that of the more than 200 people who have recorded this song, he hasn't heard a greater version of it than Jordin's.

giselle: "Couple of hundred people!"
MG: "Barry Gibb likes her best."
giselle: "Me too!!!"
MG: "I like Kiki best, but I want Jordin to win."
AMAI: "I like Lakisha well enough, but I definitely want Jordin to win. I think she will win barring unfortunate accidents."


AMAI: "What the hell is she wearing?"
MG: "Yeah, her dress sucks. Oh it's a top. Still sucks."
giselle: "It's a dress with jeans. But of all of them, it is the best outfit."
AMAI: "Her dress/top looks like she stopped painting in Art Class, and is singing to that special boy."
MG: "Yes AMAI! But her hair looks fab."
QB: "Hahahaha."
AMAI: "Of course! Her hair always looks fab."

The judges all like the performance. Simon declares she's winning.

giselle: "Best of the night, IMO."
AMAI: "She did a lovely rendition."
MG: "She really is just as pretty as Antonella."
AMAI: "Prettier! And… she is in it to win it. Randy said so."
MG: "1. Jordin 2. Kiki 3. Melinda 4. Blake."
All: "Agreed!"
QB: "I hope to hell the second songs are better than the first ones."
AMAI: "Can they be worse?"

ROUND 2

Melinda
Song 2: How Can You Mend A Broken Heart?

giselle: "I hate hate hate this song."
MG: "I like it."
AMAI: "I like it, too. But it's wrong for her."
MG: "Well, I like the Al Green version. The Bee Gees did this song?"
AMAI: "LOL, MG. Yes. But actually there are other early Bee Gee songs I'd rather have heard."

Melinda gets a Phantom Viewer question. "What was your first tape or CD?" Melinda reminds us she's old, since her first was on tape. They didn't even have CDs back when she was a girl.


Notice how they don't even mention vinyl anymore? Then she makes a big deal out of the fact that her mom crossed out the word "Bad" and wrote "Good" on her copy of that Michael Jackson album.

During rehearsal Barry is suggesting which verses to put into the performance. She tells Barry she is careful about words and therefore doesn't want to sing about being a loser.

giselle: "I'd rather be wet than be a loser?"
QB: "Um. I'd rather you were wet too?"
giselle: "Shhhh."
AMAI: "I like Melinda again now. I can appreciate someone who appreciates words."

Oh well. The performance is not good. It may well be her weakest performance all season. The beginning is mostly soft and quiet; the main problem is that I don't believe this song coming from her. There isn't an emotional connection with its sentiment. In the middle she begins to ramp up the shouting, which is just another substitute for an emotionally driven performance.

QB: "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Yikes, that does suck."
AMAI: "The beginning made me want to sleep, but the end made me wish I had turned her off in the middle."
MG: "I didn't like the end either."
giselle: "I just don't see her as a pop star."
Mr. AMAI: "She can't sing and rub her tummy at the same time."
QB: "Thank you, giselle! I have been saying that all along!"
giselle: "She is no Chris Daughtry."
AMAI: "I think she may turn out to be a gospel star."

Randy goes nuts: "Great song, great ending. You our resident pro. You got it going on."
Paula: "Vocals is not everything. Throw all the technique away."
AMAI: "Paula needs her meds!"
giselle: "lol"
Simon: "The second half of that song put you into the semi finals."
giselle: "Now we have to suffer through Blake again."

Blake
Song 2: This Is Where I Came In

Barry explains that when the Bee Gees wrote this song, they thought it could be a hit. Turns out they thought wrong. Barry hopes Blake can update it with his beatboxing.

AMAI: "Fat chance."
QB: "Now he is doing the beat box on every song."
Mr. AMAI: "This should be really good."
QB: "He definitely is going for the Clay look."
MG: "People think he's cute. :pukes
AMAI: "Gay young men at Sucks think he's cute. And the old gays too. I can see how they would like him. But his voice needs studio help."
MG: "Actually I think Sligh was better. But you had to not look at Sligh to enjoy it."
AMAI: "Yes!"

I suppose it's just what you like and/or are used to. I don't like his voice or his look, and he hasn't given me a reason to like him.


Mr. AMAI: "This is a schoolboy's uniform."
QB: "It is. I hate his tie."
AMAI: "Is it? I cannot stand him. I hope I've got the right picture here."

He's singing in his usual style. The song is boring; there's a very good reason it wasn't a hit.

Mr. AMAI: "This sucks."
giselle: "What is this??? It's not disco. How did he get this far???"
AMAI: "Ugh, it's horrible."
MG: "I liked one song he did very early on."
giselle: "I liked Blake at first too, but it's gotten old."
AMAI: "Nursing home old. I tried to like him, but he's not my type of gay. Could you imagine a whole album of this shit?"
MG: "Hell no."
QB: "He is in danger, big time."
AMAI: "Good!"

Randy: "You don't have to beat box on every joint."
Paula: "If he can, if he can."
Randy: "Not every time."
Paula: "If he can…"
Randy: "No."
giselle: "Paula is all about the guys. Only one she has left, I guess."
AMAI: "She might get further with Lakisha."

Paula finally quits arguing with Randy and gets on with her comments: "You're the contemporary rebel. I don't know that song, but I did enjoy you singing. You sang spot on and on-key."
Mr. AMAI: "Someone, cut her off."
Simon: "I don't know that song. I found it completely tuneless. You have had a bad night. That was a really, really weird choice of song."

giselle: "Lol. Simon tells it how it is."
AMAI: "I have to say it wasn't completely tuneless. The song on Dancing With The Stars that Joey & Kym did their mambo to was a better example of completely tuneless."
MG: "AMAI, this is Blake hate hour. Please cooperate."
AMAI: "LOL. I would if I could but I can't. Not on that point. I'll give the judges the rest of the points."
giselle: "Hopefully next season is better."
AMAI: "You know, giselle, we say that every season. I've come to the realization that this is pretty much it. This is reality TV. It sucks because reality sucks."
QB: "lol Very true, AMAI."
giselle: "That is why we are all here, isn't it?"

Simon's evil twin, Judge Judy, was in the audience and Ryan hauls her to her feet and she promptly runs over to bestow a kiss on Simon. Ryan points out that Simon's mom is also here but nobody wants to spend time on her. Judge Judy is in the house!

Ryan tries for more facetime and reflected glory, as Judy comes back into camera range. "Let's tell the truth," says Ryan to us as he puts a conspiratorial arm around Judy's shoulders. "They've been dating for 3 months." Haha laughs all round.

Mr. AMAI: "Someone tell Eamish to get on with it."
QB: "Eamish?"
AMAI: "I think he means Ryan. I don't know. You read his recap."
QB: "Must be nice to invent your own words."
AMAI: "Do you know how many definitions of the word 'meow' there are?"
Mr. AMAI: "Me and the cat, we're like this."

Kiki
Song 2: Run To Me

Barry helps her improve the song performance. He says it's a challenge.

AMAI: "Kiki will rise to the challenge."

A few moments later...

AMAI: "What a sucky song choice. Too many downbeat songs tonight."
giselle: "And …we have cleavage and the dress shows every bump and roll. Girl's got boobs."
AMAI: "She's got everyone's boobs. That much cleavage is shades of Haley. And the dress makes me think of an actual peppermint patty."


QB: "I like boobs, but no thanks. Jesus. She looks like a watermelon. Who dresses these people?"
AMAI: "She is probably given the right to make final choice."
QB: "Well, take that away!"
AMAI: "There isn't a lot of choice for the super plus size."
QB: "I guess."
giselle: "The singing is uninspiring. No goosebumps. She is screaming again."
AMAI: "It's bad. She could be in danger."
MG: 'This is boring."
QB: "Horrid."
AMAI: "But Blake needs to leave. I will survive if I never hear him bleatbox again."
MG: "She will leave though."
AMAI: "Sigh. The end is the best part, when she stops singing."

Randy: "You went a bit hoarse at the end, but much better."
Paula: "Don't beat yourself over that. You're still a champ."
Simon: "You & Blake are vulnerable tonight."

Jordin
Song 2: Woman in Love.

Barry says her version is different from Barbra Streisand's, which I would hope so. I didn't realize that this song was written by Barry Gibb. You learn something new every other day, don't you? Barry tells Jordin that her gift is she can choose whether to make the high notes intense or hard. He tells us he thinks she'll be one of our greatest recording artists.

For the performance she's changed into a very flattering turquoise gown.


giselle: "Nice dress."
QB: "See! She looks good! Nice dress, good hair."
AMAI: "Lovely dress. She looks good."
QB: "The others look like crap. She is doing very well."
AMAI: "She's a big girl. How does she manage to look so good?"
MG: "Yes, the song choices were awful."
AMAI: "Jordin looks like the winner. Anyone else would be wrong."
MG: "Very reminiscent of Barry Manilow week. I like this song, though. Is that wrong?"
AMAI: "Not at all. It's a great song. She is lovely and has a pop accessible voice. Melinda doesn't have that most of the time."
MG: "She would be a very Kelly-like winner."
AMAI: "This is better than Streisand."
giselle: "Oh, I love her."
QB: "She is doing great with the high notes! Excellent! Your next American Idol."
AMAI: "YES!"

Randy: "Pitchy, not your best. Tough song."
Paula: "You look your best. It was not… I love you anyway."
Simon: "Old-fashioned, and pageanty, from dress, to song choice. Ugh, I mean, you're only 17."

AMAI: "Did Paula only have time to put eyeshadow on one eye?"
giselle: "Lol"
QB: "Lol. She probably thought she put it on both. She's so hammered, she sees double."
AMAI: "Hammered and nailed. She needs staples."
Mr. AMAI: "Why isn't anyone saying, 'You missed the mid-tones'?"
AMAI: "Because it's not a pre-approved comment."

WHO SHOULD GO?
AMAI: "I feel beaten into submission by the song choices tonight. Jordin is definitely #1, though."
giselle: "They were good songs that no-one could sing."
AMAI: "Blake is a pukefest. Jordin #1, Blake #4."
giselle: "Jordin and that's it... No? OK, then Melinda, then Kiki, then Blake."
MG: "Kiki #2."
AMAI: "Kiki and Melinda tied for 2nd or 3rd."
QB: "I agree completely."
Mr. AMAI: "What a shit night."
All: "Agreed!"

RESULTS NIGHT.
The evening begins with Simon sitting in the middle, clapping like Paula, and Paula sitting in Simon's usual spot and she's rubbing her chest in an exaggerated way. This convinces me that Lakisha is going home.

With an hour to fill, Ryan has to tap all the usual items and then some. He does man in the street interviews, he takes us on a shlep down memory lane back to the Final 12, he sends it to Pink to perform. Then we have the usual Ford Pimpmercial, with the kids dressed in wacky outfits lip-synching to some song or other. Then there's the Idol Challenge winner, and another lame question for next week. Something we don't often get is the Group Sing, but because there are only 4 Kids left, this week we have to have a medley of Bee Gee songs. It's one of the worst Group Sings ever, so we chit-chat throughout:

AMAI: "Mr. AMAI thinks Melinda will win."
QB: "Yep. Ugh. I hope not."
giselle: Me too. Although, she could go the way of Ruben- where is he anyways?:
QB: "Wendy's."
giselle: "lol"
AMAI: "He can't get out of bed."
giselle:: "lol"
AMAI: "Ironically, he's slipped through Idol's cracks."
giselle: Well, we had a Ford commercial. Now an ad for this stupid Fantastic Four movie."
AMAI: "This is Idol Taking Back. Mega revenue from major corporate sponsors."
QB: *Yawn*

Finally we get some results. Jordin is declared safe. Then it's time for a performance by Barry Gibb.

QB: "Mumbles Gibb is up."
giselle: "What is up with his mouth?"
Tampa: "Something is wrong with his lips?"
AMAI: "They disappeared into his mouth."
Tampa: "He is awful."
QB: "Wow, hideous. AAAHHHHH. Jesus."
AMAI: "I can live without this sound."
QB: "This is really bad."
giselle: "My expectations were pretty low. You expected more?"
QB: "I expected at least decent. He wouldn't get past the screening at auditions."
AMAI: "I didn't know what we might get. He should have done 1941 Mining Disaster. That would be topical, with the global warming hysteria. Press all the wrong buttons."
Mr. AMAI: "He can still sing, eh? I found it pitchy."
giselle: "He made millions being pitchy."
AMAI: "Have we run out of shit to say about this fucking lameass show?"
Tampa: "It needs to be just over with."
AMAI: "Yeah, it does. How about they declare Jordin the winner and have a sing off to see who's going to be named 2nd, 3 and 4th?"

Finally eventually it's actually time to declare who is leaving. First, Melinda is safe. Then Blake is safe, which means that alas, it's Lakisha's time to go. I really liked her. She had some bad weeks, but she had some great weeks too. For me her best song was This Aint A Love Song in Bon Jovi week. Best of luck, Kiki!!

Thanks for reading. See you next week.


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