We are all Individuals

(originally I posted this on Facebook, and just wanted to save it here for posterity.)


The human species is individuated which means each member of the species has its own brain, the basic tool of survival. The brain has to be programmed and its owner, the individual human, has to learn how to focus its eyes, uses its vocal cords, operate its hands, arms, legs and feet, learn how to recognize the sensations from inside the body that signal needing to empty bowels and bladder. The acquisition of such information and skills has been taken for granted by the adult world. It's really quite fucking difficult.


That's just the beginning. Obviously there are lots more. Feel free to write them in a comment if you found yourself thinking of some.

The point I was heading towards is that all of this adds up to becoming an individual capable of taking 

care of itself, which is where our species has always been headed. Individuation is something those in power don't want to focus on too much, for fear that too many will opt out of the collectivist approach, which wants everyone to buy into the idea that we're really all the same.

The only way in which we are all the same is the fact that we are all different. Additional proof for that assertion is provided by the fact of our unique DNA and unique fingerprints, which I find to be solid support for my proposition.

The fact of our individuality is what needs to be acknowledged and provided for by our system of government. Individuality means being different from one's parents, so it is more natural that a child should naturally gravitate towards being different from both parents, just as there are then conscious choices to behave the way a parent does, to imitate or emulate him. I actually think this is more about the child acquiring more information simply by copying the parent to see how that behavior feels.

More individuals capable of thinking and coming up with ideas results in more improvements possible to one's daily life. The reason coercion must be banned is that it's the only way to achieve harmonious living. Individuals will always find there is someone who disagrees with a given proposal. That individual must be left free to follow his dream and at the same time, the majority must also be left free to act to achieve their shared vision.


New humans, that is to say, babies and chiildren, are a batch of new individuals. This is true for everyone - there is no way to force a child to value every single thing the way you as parents value them. There is no way to avoid having disagreements with people, because of the fact of our individuality. To create systems of government that require our nature be collective is to court disaster, or perhaps simply to confess one's ancestry is less human and more insect..

The Law of Human Interaction is a law of human behavior that states that peace reigns and prosperity ensues when no one has the right to initiate the use of force. Individuals must develop each on their own timeline; so long as the law banning coercion is obeyed. And is it even proper to speak of obeying the law? It's really more about understanding the law and abiding by it. Either way, probably works but if someone has an idea on this please post it. Bottom line is, when people deal with each other only using reason and logic to reach a mutually voluntary agreement, persuasive arguments can create agreement among a large group, and those who disagree can be free to go their own way. They might change their minds later, or not, but as long as everyone respects the rights of all to refrain from using coercion at any stage, everyone can benefit. The one who didn't agree might change his mind, or might even come up with something else that is also great and that's why he didn't get involved in this other project, he had his own on the go. Respect for each other leads to more prosperity than is dreamed of, with the freedom to pursue one's vision and work with others in a cooperative and friendly environment.

Banning coercion promotes, provides, defends and protects peaceful coexistence among individual humans. I call it the Law of Human Interaction because it feels to me like one of the physical laws in that its essence can be stated in a short sentence and then explained and discussed and elaborated on for pages. 


Finding a concept that acts like a law of nature is what learning about the idea of banning coercion was for me. To ban coercion is to make it possible to cooperate and also to work alone and both are necessary because no value can be achieved by coercion. Each individual needs freedom in order to become an individual.

Decriminalizing Drugs

There's always a report in the news these days concerning "illegal drugs," usually a report on some mega-bust by the police.

The other day in that rag The Toronto Sun there was a Letter to the Editor pointing out that decriminalizing drugs would shut off a major income source for gangs. The Editor thought it was preposterous to suggest decriminalizing drugs.

Why is it preposterous? It seems that when it comes to drugs, most people have blinders on. Do they imagine that somehow "everyone" would spend the whole day high on cocaine, heroin, pot - whatever and the entire society would collapse into chaos? What exactly is preposterous about decriminalizing all drugs?

First of all, the so-called hard drugs have valid uses. Consider the terminally ill, for whom access to high quality morphine, heroin and opium would be a blessing. Consider the many uses to which hemp has been shown to be appropriate. Consider the huge money saved investigating, prosecuting and imprisoning people for the "crime" of providing drugs to willing consumers.

As for marijuana, the hysteria against it is certainly hypocritical. I doubt there is a single individual who publicly decries the idea of legalizing pot, but yet goes home to enjoy a glass of wine or a shot of scotch, a cocktail - whatever. Why shouldn't those of us who would prefer to relax with something ingested via the lungs rather than via the liver or small intestine have our rights respected instead of persecuted and prosecuted?

Now another benefit that would emerge is the gradual (or maybe not that gradual) disappearance of what I think of as "icky" drugs like meth, crack, and other stuff that has been concocted precisely because real drugs are unavailable.

Other countries where drugs have been legalized and/or decriminalized have experienced a reduction in drug-related crime. When the high profits disappear which can only come from a desired product being made illegal, much of the crime that came with it also disappears.

Adults' choices in life should be respected by the government. Respect for the basic right to imbibe whatever poison one chooses ironically makes it less attractive to children and adults alike. A rights-respecting government tends to create more opportunities in all arenas of life, leading more people to want to spend less time in a daze, whether alcohol or drug-induced, and more time pursuing opportunities and living life to the fullest.

Dancing With The Stars 4: Finale

"After 10 Weeks, we're down to 3 stars. Who will impress the judges and win your votes? LIIIIIIIIIIIVE It's Dancing… With The Stars."

I admit I'm kind of excited and hopeful that all three couples WILL pull out the stops and wow us with every routine. But blimey, Tom is going to have a heart attack if he doesn't calm down. Joey & Kym emerge first, followed by Laila & Maksim with Apolo & Julianne bringing up the rear. I'm fairly sure the producers know who has the winning totals and let's not kid ourselves that tomorrow night's last dance is going to make any difference to the scores. Tonight is the Night!

They're wearing their costumes for their first dance. Julianne's looks like something Christina Aguilera would wear for the middle portion of her act. It's a white boudoir sort of outfit, perfect for getting ready for bed. Laila is in red sparkles and Kym has on a bathing sarong.

The Judges' Round is first, and the dance appears to be a consensus of all three judges, rather than a different judge choosing for each couple like on AI. The freestyle round follows, and, ooh la la! There are no rules.

Laila & Maks lead off. During the rehearsal segment, Laila says she isn't a fan of being thrown in the air. She's a big girl who just doesn't trust her partner that much! Maks doesn't exactly seem capable of handling her. She is so much woman. At the judges' request they're to re-dance the Paso Doble. Laila reminds us they got 7s last time, so they definitely have room to improve.

She starts on the floor; he's the bullfighter above her. He walks away momentarily to remove his jacket and fling it away, revealing a red shirt the same color as her dress. The music is more bullfighteresque than I remember them choosing last time, and the crowd claps along, getting in the spirit. During the mid-portion they're meant to be dancing synchronously but in my view they aren't quite in time with each other.

AMAI: "It's better than before, but fabulous? Sadly, no."
MG: "Not as dramatic as the music would suggest."
AMAI: "I didn't like it all that much."
MG: "Just ok."
AMAI: "Yes. 'Ok' but not thrilling."
MG: "3. Laila."

Jerry Springer is in the house!

Len: "Last time we felt it lacked passion, fire & aggression. Not tonight. That was fantastic. I thought you danced beautifully. One or two leg things, tho."
Bruno as usual goes bonkers: "Dripping with emotion! Your best to date as an actress."
Carrie Ann lists all sorts of things that were better this time. "Bottom line: a big improvement."

Scores: 10, 9, 10. 29/30. Wow. Those scores were a little on the high side, I thought.

Apolo & Julianne re-dance the Rumba. They intend to go slower this time. "No chair," says Julianne. Apolo is mostly looking forward to the freestyle routine. Julianne explains she brought in a guy named Flips to teach them some break-dancing moves, which they'll incorporate into said freestyle. Flips demonstrates some of his skills and he's really good. We watch Apolo practice standing on one hand. Then they work on their rumba. Apolo complains it seems more difficult and Julianne says it's because she's teaching him more advanced moves.

They dance their rumba to Last Train To Georgia. I find that this dance is usually too stylized and boring, but Apolo & Julianne's routine works, especially with a song that helps tell the story.

MG: "WTF is she wearing?"
AMAI: "It's like a boudoir outfit, isn't it?"
MG: "Yes. Like for a Mrs. Robinson type. 2. Apolo 2. Laila. Did you like that?"
AMAI: "I quite liked it. A bit more than Laila's, anyway. 1. Apolo, 2 Laila."
MG: "Sub-par for their abilities, in my opinion."

Bruno: "American Gigolo and Baby Doll. Teasing and blending into each other's arms." That might be a 10 from him because he sounds pretty enthusiastic.
Carrie Ann wasn't overwhelmed. She takes issue with them over-performing it albeit by "just a hair." Host Tom suggests that Len will be the tie-breaker, but Len says there is no tie. Len doesn’t always get it, does he?
Len: "Not a tiebreaker. Lacked any romance."
Bruno takes issue: "They made love on the dance floor." (He moves his chair away from Len's to illustrate how much he disagrees.)
Len tries to resume his commentary but Bruno won't stop arguing. Poor Len is exasperated: "I cannot talk without Big Gob here ..." Bruno keeps yapping until finally Tom steps in and asks him to let Len speak his piece.
Len: "That was too hectic and too fast. It's supposed to be romantic."
Tom: "Well, I don't even smoke and I wanted a cigarette."

Sounds like one 10 and two 9s to me and indeed those are the scores, for a total of 28/30.

Joey & Kym reprise the Cha Cha for the judges. Joey was nervous about making it to the final 3. He says they're doing three dances but it's not until later I realize each couple performs two dances tonight and one more on Tuesday. Their rehearsal footage is mostly about how Joey is exhausted but Kym is going to push him.

The performance begins (and ends) with a 'puppet on a string' business, where Joey is the puppetmaster operating Kym, the marionette. The song is Groove is in the Heart, which is a bit surprising; I thought they would use music that referenced the puppet idea. It's definitely one of those routines you just cannot stop watching but it's hard to discern which part is cha cha.

MG: "I was enthralled by the puppet show."
AMAI: "Lol. It was cute. But it wasn't the cha cha. There were too many cute tricks. Half-way through I was wondering what happened to the cha cha."
MG: "I liked it. I agree it wasn't the cha cha, but it was cute. 1. Joey. 2. Laila/Apolo."
AMAI: "They should have saved that material for their freestyle routine."
MG: "Yes, I agree."
AMAI: "I put Apolo ahead of Joey, but both of them definitely ahead of Laila."

Carrie Ann agrees with me that it felt like a freestyle routine: "It was not quite right for a cha cha." Len complains it was "far too theatrical" and there wasn't enough content. "The more tricks you do, the further you go from the dance." Bruno: "For once I agree with them. Not enough Cha Cha. More like Cha."

The scores reflect the comments: 9, 8, 9. Total: 26/30.

There's time to fill so Samantha interviews the couples post-round 1. Everyone is ready to bring the razzle-dazzle.

Laila & Maks Feestyle. The announcer says they're doing the Paso Doble but that was the last round. Maks wears black pants and white shirt, Laila chose sparkly tassel-covered shorts and halter top. And sneakers. And gloves. Rather bizarre ensemble. It's a cute routine, but it does not set the stage on fire. At the end she rips his shirt off and even that doesn't go smoothly.

MG: "Not good enough. Too sloppy."
AMAI: "It's nice - for week 1!"
MG: "Those shoes were fucking horrendous."
AMAI: "Reminds me of Clompy's outfits. She wore them for comfort reasons I guess. Remember, Laila has bad knees."
MG: "I just didn't like that one too much."
AMAI: "Agreed. Very weak for a freestyle."
MG: "VERY."

Carrie Ann loved the moves, what she called the "Michael Jackson" but she wanted to see more sophistication and elegance. Len points out that although Maks has a fine body, he's no Arnold. "Your strength is elegance and sophistication." Bruno appreciates "a bit of striptease" but basically agrees with the other two: "Your strength is sexuality and sensuality." Laila points out that they were trying to do something different. The trouble is that the routine was an attempt to go head to head with the other two couples, instead of working with the strength that Laila already has, which the other two couples don't really have.

Anyway, the scores are 9, 8, 9, which is 26 for the round and a total of 55/60 for the evening.

Apolo & Julianne: Freesyle. He puts on a tape and whistles for her to join him. Or something. The song is Bust a Move. They're in matching outfits of white pants and black shirts. At one point the pull their headbands over their eyes and dance for a moment. Other than that moment, they have great synchronicity and execute a number of intricate gymnastic-style moves very well. It's quite an adorable routine.

MG: "That was very strong. I liked it. "
AMAI: "Me too."
MG: "1. Apolo, 3. Laila. I am predicting the future."
AMAI: "lol"

Len is excited and calls it "Everything I want to see in a freestyle." Bruno doesn't get out much if he thinks that was original but he agrees with Len that that's what a freestyle should be. Carrie Ann just calls them over for a hug. She loves this couple. The receive three 10s for a perfect 30, giving them 58/60 for the night.

For Joey & Kym's last dance, they're start out both in black. Her dress is velvet, his is a suit. But then, they rip those outfits off to reveal her silver sparkly shorts and his gold suit. The routine is bouncy and full of tricks. He jumps over her.

MG: "1. Joey. It's not even over yet."

Joey whirls Kim around and around. And around again. It's like a ballet routine. She leaps onto his shoulder and ends upside down on his arm. It's amazing!

AMAI: "That was good, wasn't it?"
MG: "Awesome. 1. Joey, 2. Apolo, 3. Laila."
AMAI: "Yes, actually. Joey & Kym were just ahead of Apolo on that routine."

Bruno: "Mr. Entertainment is back. A hit parade of dance."
Carrie Ann: "I love that you brought all you learned and incorporated it into that dance."
Len: "You flew off that stage like Harry Potter on a nimbus 2000. The secret of a lift is getting into it and out of it. Wish we had more than a 10 to give."

They also earn 30/30 for their freestyle, giving them 56/60 for their two dances.

AMAI: "I think that could be how it ends, too. Joey, Apolo, Laila."
MG: "After just now, yes, but all season it has seemed like Apolo would win, so I think he still has a shot."
AMAI: "Well… it depends on the voter demographics. I liked Apolo all season."
MG: "I think the voters prefer Apolo too."
AMAI: "I don't know if the break-dancing was enough to beat Joey's. I want Apolo to win. I'm concerned that the routines weren't enough to win."
MG: "I wouldn't worry about it, AMAI. I think Apolo has the public on his side, and Joey was incredible tonight."
AMAI: "He was."
MG: "But many people will look at the season overall."
AMAI: "I don't know how close it is, really."
MG: "I will be happy no matter who wins, actually. It's the right final 3, unlike AI."
AMAI: "True. It is the right final 3."

Tuesday Night Results

The three couples shall perform one last dance. But first there is recap, first of "last night," then of the series itself. It's fun to watch since I did not see any of the previous seasons. The loser pros dance. I've got to say I don't enjoy the pro-only dancing as much as the dancing with one pro, one celebrity. Then there's more recap, of what I don't know since I've taken sketchy notes.

Finally it's time for the last dance. As it turns out, this much vaunted last dance is really just an opportunity to showcase each couple, having left it to them to choose which of their previous dances to perform. Apolo & Julianne decide to go with a proven winner, which means another round of their magnificent Paso Doble. I love this dance so much. It starts off well: the trick with her skirt, his Russian moves on bended knees, her run and fall into splits. Some of the timing towards the end isn't quite as fabulous as last time and the worst thing is, it is over so soon. It is such a marvelous dance.

The judges are full of praise, with not a bad word to say about anything. The scores are perfect 10s and that's when I start to wonder whether, barring a really obvious faux pas, this dance is going to truly count.

Joey & Kym go with their Star Wars themed Tango. Not one of my favorites of theirs, I admit. They hope to improve on the 8s they got last time. The tango to this song seems wrong. I'm laughing at Joey trying to keep his butt in. He's so intent on what he's doing. His butt is in, it's true, but the rest of his body looks like a sack of potatoes. I'd say that wasn't a good choice, but it's not up to me. The judges go nuts with approval and the scores are once again perfect 10s across the board.

Laila and Maks discuss their dance options. She doesn't want to reprise the Samba, even though they earned perfect scores last time. They decide to improve their mambo. It's a really lovely routine without the rather awkward butterfly move that I think they used last time. Although I enjoyed their dance very much, there isn't more to say than that. They should get 10s too. After all, they never fell down! Sure enough, they receive three 10s. I actually agree with Carrie Ann, who said that the mambo is the dance that represents Laila.

With the extra 30 points apiece, the leaderboard stands at Apolo in first place with 88, Joey in second place with 86 and Laila close behind with 85.

There are still 45 minutes or so left in this finale. Man! So it's time for a segment about all the people who are supportive of and cheering for the 3 finalist celebrities. It's actually tough to pick someone to leave, since they've all got strengths & weaknesses. On the basis of performance quality over the season, Apolo and Joey should be the final 2, but I'm still stupidly hoping it will be Laila and Apolo.

And with that, it is time to eliminate the next couple. Drum rolls! Moments of silence and the lowest overall total belongs to… Laila and Maks. Oh, well.

Laila is hilarious in her parting speech. For several moments, she refuses to come down from the top of the stage to stand beside Tom and give her good-bye speech. She finally does, of course and gives the usual "I had so much fun." Laila is nothing if not forthright! "Of course," she adds."I'm pissed I didn't win." Crowd erupts in laughter. The three couples hand each other compliments, reviewing the journey through the competition. Laila concludes that both Joey & Apolo are great. "It doesn't mean anything who wins, especially because I didn't." It's actually one of the more honest elimination speeches!

After ads, there are interviews with the two finalists. Then the first four eliminated couples are introduced by name and we're told they will take it in turn to dance a small segment. Ah Paulina, it's such a shame that you didn't last longer. Samantha is also getting tired, because she introduces the rest of the losers as "the rest of the couples"!

It sure takes a lot to fill 2 hours. It's been fun to shlep down memory lane but I'm getting tired. Surely it is time to reveal the winner!

Finally. Samantha has the two final couples out on the dance floor. After 10 weeks of competition, the winner is … Apolo & Julianne!!!! YAY!!!!! I yell so loudly I startle Mr. AMAI, who throws a pistachio shell at me. Sorry, honey. I didn't want to get my hopes up. For once I didn't read spoilers. Samantha spends a minute talking to the Winners and we learn they both feel amazing. Then she spends two minutes asking questions of the Runners-up. Hmmm.

Anyway, that's it for Season 4 of this show. It was a ton of fun and I want to thank MultiGeminii for encouraging me to watch and joining me in chat each week!

Thanks for reading.

***

SirLinksALot Dancing With The Stars links have more recaps and articles about Season 4 of this show.

AI6 "Three Become Two"

Ryan opens with the announcement that the Final I-Dulls were allowed out of the compound (heavily chaperoned of course) so they could return home. The show had to do that: the Kids' loved ones were threatening to call the police. However, the furlough footage showed none of the family moments, focusing instead on politicians reading aloud faxes sent by I-Dull Judges. THIS is American Idol.

Three finalists do three songs each. There are three lines to call and three more nights of this shit. Three idiot judges. Did I mention only three more nights?

So, the first song is chosen by an I-Dull Judge; the second is a "producers' choice" and trust me, I debated where to put that apostrophe. Did all the producers discuss the song for each Kid, or did one executive producer make executive decisions? Group-think seems appropriate for this show, so I went with "s apostrophe." The third song is the one the Kids chose for themselves. The girls reprise songs they did earlier in the season; Blake went with a previously unbleat-boxed number. Here are the full playlists:

JORDIN
1. Wishin' On A Star
2. She Works Hard For The Money
3. I Who Have Nothing

MELINDA
1. I Believe In You And Me
2. Nutbush City Limits
3. Trouble Is A Woman

BLAKE
1. Roxanne
2. This Love
3. When I Get You Alone

ROUND 1


Jordin Song 1
We join Jordin on a stage somewhere in Arizona, as Mayor Scrubs, mayor of Glendale, prepares to read aloud a fax from Simon. The great Simon Cowel has chosen Wishing On A Star by Rose-Royce for Jordin. Rose-Royce? Oh, I think, "This might be good."

She's wearing a dark dress with white and lilac material on the breasts. The song is over by the time I finish typing that one sentence. WTF?

giselle: "Cute dress. She sounds good, sings well but I don't like the song."
QB: "Jordin is ok. Looks good. Not a really exciting choice for me. Just not anything special. That was... meh."
AMAI: "It was meh."
giselle: "But she sang well."
AMAI: "She sings meh very well! Randy can't slam the song choice because Simon chose it."

Randy loves it, calling it "Hot like Beyoncé." Paula gives Simon credit for picking a good song, adding it was a great way to start the show. Paula is fully medicated for our protection this evening, just so you know. Simon says Jordin sang brilliantly but he didn't care for the jazzy arrangement. Ryan assumes his most headmistress-y look as he scolds Simon: "So you didn't like your own song choice?" Simon argues about what it is he didn't like but the whole discussion is silly.

Blake Song 1
After ads, we join Blake's hometown visit already in progress. Mayor Lamb To The Slaughter in Washington State has an important fax! From Paula? Ugh. I need a break. This season was poorly put together. I don't care about any of the finalists. I wish Sanjaya were still here. He was the most entertaining. So I take a break from the recap. When I return, I realize I was actually shocked that Paula chose for Blake, since Randy seemed to have it in the bag as Blake's most ardent supporter. Why didn't he get to pick? Maybe Randy was too pro-Blake. Thinking back, it does seem if he's recently begun making less than positive comments. Perhaps it was a bid to cause Blake's fanbase to panic and vote extra for him to help him get to the finale. Anyway, Paula's choice is Roxanne by the Police.

QB: "In the hometown bit he looked like Steve Stiffler in a horrible sweater."
giselle: "I love Steve Stiffler, Blake not so much."
QB: "He is soooo not the Stiffmeister."
giselle: "My friend Danielle just said Blake gets on her nerves and his mouth bugs her and you never see his teeth when he sings."
AMAI: "That's true, Giselle. How does he do that? Maybe it's a function of wearing old man pants. Actually, this isn't bad because he isn't bleatboxing. But it's still hollow and horrible."
giselle: "He is hurting my ears."
QB: It's a brual choice. Singing Sting is soooo hard. And the background singers are HORRID. Still, he's doing ok. I kinda liked it."
giselle: "I just saw his teeth, Danielle was wrong."

Randy's commentary is ALL over the map. He sets off on his mini-odyssey with "great performance," tones it down slightly to "pretty good vocal" and then remembers he needs to show negativity and concludes with "there were some rough spots." One of the pitchiest critiques ever. As for Paula, either she talked in staccato or my notes are really flimsy: "Did me proud. Changed phrasing. Fresh." Simon's earth was not shattered: "The trouble with that song is you're always forced to do an impression. You can't say it was fantastic." Blake makes faces. Paula argues because she's a wind-up doll.

Melinda Song 1
Randy is left to choose I Believe in You & Me for Melinda. I think he really wanted to hear Blake sing that song to him but it was not to be. The Governor of the whole state of Tennessee, Mr. Bredesen, is on hand to conduct the reading of the will, I mean fax. As for the performance it's another Melinda outing, tastefully dull, competently boring. I'm ready for a nap and it's over.

giselle: "Melinda sings well, she always does. But I still don't like her. Danielle and I both hate the dress."
AMAI: "Ugh, me too. The dress is icky. Notice she got the governor of the State."
QB: "Yeah, he had nothing else going on. Agree, uggo dress. It looks like a bathroom wall."
AMAI: "A bathroom mat, you mean."
giselle: "Don't like this song, not enjoying it."
QB: "I am really not liking this song."
AMAI: "Me either. These judges are shit song choosers."

Randy says he went with this song to give her a challenge. He musters the strength to say it was hot, even though it was lukewarm at best. Then he tells her she "blew it out the park." What is his game? Does he want her gone? Does he think he's being truthful? Paula sounds more phony than usual: "You were fantastic, amazing and I think one of your best performances this season." Simon likewise goes nuts, calling it her best performance in the last 4 weeks, and declaring that "round 1 goes to Melinda." Although it was crappy, the other two were at least as bad.

giselle: "No no no no Randy, you are wrong."
QB: "Randy picked it. He had to like it."
giselle: "She can do no wrong. They love her."
QB: "Paula just did a line of coke. Simon was looking at Paula's tits the whole time."
AMAI: "I don't believe these judges give a shit. They are just prattling."

Grades:
QB: "Jordin B-, Blake B-, Melinda C."
giselle: "B for Jordin but that's more for the song than her singing, C for Blake and for Melinda B-."
AMAI: "I give Jordin S+, Blake S and Melinda S-. S stands for Shit."


ROUND 2
Jordin Song 2
Jordin gets a Phantom Viewer Question: "What is your favorite song of all time?" Her answer? MmmmmBop by Hanson. Does the explanation "she's only 17" even work here? I mean, it's like her favorite song is the same one she first heard when she was 7. She says the song makes her smile. Music has been crappy since then. In any event, let me say that her favorite is quite the juxtaposition with the producers' choice for her of Donna Summer's She Works Hard for the Money.


AMAI: "Nice opening line, nice slutty outfit."
giselle: "But she looks good. The shoes not so much."
QB: "Is it me or does she have no rhythm when she moves?"
Tampa: "Bitch can't dance."
giselle: "It's the shoes."
AMAI: "6 inch heels. She's already 6 feet tall."
QB: "6'4" with the afro."
Tampa: "YES! She's huge! I love BCBG Girls shoes, but I won't wear them. They are too tall."
AMAI: "I hope she doesn't topple."
QB: "Pretty good! Much better. B+."
AMAI: "Nice enough singing, but sucky song choice. Doesn't really go with her."

Randy covers up the awkwardness of the performance: "Doesn't matter what song you do. You work it out." Paula exclaims, "Fantastic." Simon is laughing at Paula for some reason, choking out his comments between gasps for breath. What the hell did Paula say/do that was so funny? He says it was very good, but complains the arrangement was "a little bit old-fashioned." Simon's complains are really tiresome.

Blake Song 2
A Phantom Viewer named Nancy (hahaha) wants to know how Blake would entitle a movie about his own life and whom he would choose to portray himself. Blake wants Jim Carrey to play him in a movie called Organized Chaos. Is My Life As A Bleat-Boxer already taken? But Organized Chaos is probably the title of the movie Jim Carrey wants for his own life story. Besides, wouldn't Robin Williams be a closer match physically? The producers chose Maroon 5's whiny song This Love.


Tampa: "I like this song. I own this CD. I hope he's good."
QB: "He's not bad here! Good start. I like this song..."
giselle: "I like it too and it seems to suit him."
AMAI: It would suit him. This song is uber-gay."
QB: "LOL. Smart choice then."
giselle: "True. LOL. For once, I kinda like him. Ohhhh, I hate to say it, but I like this."
Mr. AMAI: "He did this song before, didn't he?"
QB: "He's doing well. Nice job..."
AMAI: "Blake does a passable job on a song I never liked. That wasn't shit. Actually and shockingly."
QB: "Hah. It must have killed you to say that."

I guess Randy feels it's okay to be excited about Blake again: "This is the kind of record you should make. That's a good vibe for you." Oh dear. Blake looks a little sick to hear that. Or he ought to. Even Paula gangs up on Blake: "You were totally in your element." Simon says he preferred this song to the first one. "You sounded comfortable and you didn't sound like a copycat." LOL, except Blake totally did sound like a copycat but whatever.

Melinda Song 2
Her Producers' Choice is the Ike & Tina Turner classic, Nutbush City Limits.


AMAI: OMG! I love this song. She's doing a pretty good job with it, too."
giselle: "OMG, ugly dress. She is all belly. She looks pregnant. I don't know the song but I'm not getting any chills or goosebumps. Does nothing for me."
QB: "Yikes. She does look bad! I'm not a big fan of this at all."

Randy says it was another stellar performance and suggests she put some of that in her repertoire. Paula desperately tries to hang onto her mind, saying, "You look like you had a blast." She loses the battle when she can't think of anything to say besides, "We love you we love you we love you." Simon dryly notes to Paula, "That's why we hired you for this show." He lauds Melinda for another great performance. Ryan wants to know who wins Round 2 but Simon won't split hairs: "I'm gonna call it a tie."

We will split those hairs with Craptastic Evaluator 3000. Here are our Round 2 grades.

QB: "Jordin, B. Blake, A-. Melinda B."
AMAI: "Jordin: B, Blake A-, Melinda A."


ROUND 3


Jordin Song 3
The third song is contestant's choice. The Kids may reprise a previous song or present something new. Jordin repeats I Who Have Nothing, one of her best from the season. She's wearing a peach gown with, sigh, a high waist.

AMAI: "Didn't she do this song before?"
QB: "I like this song. This is her style."
giselle: "I love it. I love Jordin. She did great. A for Jordin."

Randy: "You feel good after all of that? That was another great performance. Your best of the night!" Paula, having lost her mind, cannot quite make sense. Almost but not quite: "It sat well in your voice and how it built. Good choice." Simon can't dispute that she sang well. But he also can't keep himself from taking issue with the fact that she chose an incredibly old fashioned song from 60 years ago. Jordin backchats, "Wasn't Rose Royce kinda in the 70s?" Ha! See? Even the song Simon chose for her was from 30 years ago, and not "current."

giselle: "Oh, Simon. Fuck you right in the ear. I may even vote."
Tampa: "Simon has a hang up with that."
AMAI: "Simon is getting on my nerves with that. Like he chose such a great song."

Blake Song 3
For some reason we watch Blake performing Baby Got Back with Sir Mix A Lot, who idiotically yells, "We now have a new king of C-Town." Um, "C-Town" would not be Chilltown by chance, would it? Blake is back to wearing checkered pants. His choice is When I Get You Alone.

QB: "Blake should have done Sir Mix-a-lot. This is his thing. It's a good night for him."
giselle: "My kids are dancing to this. Danielle likes this too or maybe its the kids dancing."
Mr. AMAI: "It's good AI is letting disabled people on."
QB: "HAHAHAHA."

Randy: "It was cool. I like the Maroon 5 thing more for you. That was Robin Thicke?"
Paula: "3 great songs. 3 great performances."
Simon: "I actually really liked that. I've gotta say, Blake, this is what I've liked about you. You don't play it safe, you take a risk and look like you're having fun."
Ryan: "Somebody's got a musical crush out here."
Ads, thankfully.

Melinda Song 3
But first, guess what? Melinda has her own street in Tennessee. It's called, predictably, Melinda Doolittle Way. Her song is W O M A N.

AMAI: "Did she do this before? Or was that someone else?"
giselle: "I don't remember anyone doing this."
AMAI: "I do. Kiki, maybe."
Tampa: "Groan."
giselle: "Oh no. 'I can fry up the bacon, cause I'm a woman' Like a man can't do that. I hate this song."
AMAI: "Mr. AMAI is great at bacon. And lots of other things too. I eat pretty well."
QB: "Good job by Melinda! All 3 get an A this round."

Randy: "What's really cool about you is you showed range tonight." He's talking like Melinda has never showed range before. He calls it "hot" which is the "anti-pitchy." "That was hot. You could sing the phone book." Yeah, she could and that would simply match the dullness of most of her performances throughout the season. Paula says, "You're stepping into the spotlight." Without Paula to make these fascinating observations, how would we know what's going on? Simon says he loved the little striptease at the beginning. Then he makes his Solemn Pronouncement: "I gotta say, if I'm gonna award a place to a person in the final for someone who has consistently delivered week after week, it's you." Huge cheers from the crowd.

RESULTS
Ryan is now not shaving on a regular basis. Is he trying to prepare to go back to living in the jungle as a snow leopard? He tells us Maroon 5 is here to perform. I wonder if they're really here to kidnap Blake, since he did a better job singing their hit song than their regular lead singer.

Early into our Chat on Results Night, I predicted that Jordin would be out and Melinda would be in the final two. I apologize to my fellow chatters if I gave the impression I knew what I was talking about, especially since most of us were hoping to see Blake leave. I was just babbling away, comparing them. Blake, innovative yet mediocre singer v. Melinda who can sing the fuck out of everything for somebody and while it won't always be you, when it is, the fuck stays sung out of it but most of the time she's competently dull.

giselle: "She can sing, but I still don't like her. Wouldn't buy her CD most likely."
MG: "I still want Jordin to win. I like Mel >> Blake."
giselle: "I don't know how he made it this far."
MG: "Me either."
giselle: "Imagine if Melinda is out??? Just imagine??? How shocking would that be?"
QB: "I picked Melinda to be eliminated."

Watching footage of Melinda and Blake I had been unable to decide who would win between those two. Perhaps it would depend on the songs they get to sing, and which one sings first. Then again, it also depends on whether it's better to sing first or last. Thinking back, I don't know what happened to the footage of Jordin. I think I was really trying to deal with the idea that she wouldn't make it to the Finale, after declaring her my favourite to win since about Week 5.

In the meantime, the Results Show to reveal who will be in those final two spots continues faffing around and wasting time. We're almost up to the moment quite a few have been waiting for, the return of last season's 3rd Place Finisher. In fact, Ryan mentioning that Elliott will be appearing later causes us to discuss Elliot Yamin. His followers are/were sometimes called Yaminions. I used to call him Mehlliott. I never got what anyone saw in him. He put me to sleep but not reliably. I guess he holds the attention, because some love him and some can't figure out how a shmuck like him got on television.

AMAI: "Are you all Elliott fans? Am I like the only Blue Jay in a sea of Yankees?"
QB: "Ahem, Mets. But not really. I never got the Elliott hype."
MG: "I didn't like his song choices but I thought he was a good singer. I like him, but I don't love him."
giselle: "I hear he has changed his appearance a lot."
Tampa: "He got his teeth fixed. He looks totally different. I'm not a fan. I just saw a recent picture and didn't recognize him."
AMAI: "Totally different, eh? We'll see. Maybe if he got a jaw reduction, had his eyes moved apart, grew some height and found a new stylist."

Elliott. This is the night of who went out 3rd.. Next season, they should bring back more of the 3rd place getters. Maybe get the voters to pick the best 3rd place getter from all seasons. Give you guys more to vote for. I can't vote because I'm in Canada. Don't get excited, yet, tho. This is just Ryan teasing us that Elliott will be performing later.

Periodically throughout the hour, Ryan was giving the "run-down" on one of the three contestants. I wasn't always paying attention but as luck would have it, I was paying attention for Blake's. His montage package includes little girl boobies, Hendrix playing, Seattle and the Space Needle. Traveling in a water plane. I noted that I was amazed that Blake was not annoying during the segment.

AMAI: "Awww, the sun shone for Blake. That is amazing, actually."
giselle: "Is that possible?"
AMAI: I thought it was impossible in Seattle. The sun NEVER shines in Seattle. It peeps out from behind clouds at best."

Ryan reads out a passel of comments from the judges. "Maroon 5: you were in your element." Poor Blake. Maroon 5 is the epitome of suck, isn't it? No wonder Blake's montage will need to include a lot of blow-job faces. Of course, the pronouncement of the result on Blake will have to wait until after Mehliott makes his grand appearance, which is right now!


AMAI: "Bwahaha! Elliott has had a make-over and turned into Ethan Zohn."
Mr. AMAI: "You wanna watch this? Can I change it?"
AMAI: "LOL. No, you can't."
Tampa: "Ethan hair lol. Ethan is still cuter."
AMAI: "He is a clone of Ethan in a brown suit. He's got face fuzz."
Tampa: "Sweater vest."
AMAI: "He's wearing sneakers. He looks a lot better."
The Rogue Wave joined
Rogue: "What a crowd. Elliott has an afro."
Tampa: Hi R. Elliot looks like Ethan."
AMAI: "Hey Rogue. Elliott is not thoroughly sick making like before."
Mr. AMAI: "What's up with not tucking in shirts? It's like they're all living in Florida and they're old."
giselle: "lol"
QB: "lol"
Mr. AMAI: "Jesus Christ. It's the response to the girls showing their midsections. The guys leave their shirts untucked."
Tampa: "Elliot looks like an idiot. And he sucks."
AMAI: "Then you're listening to him sing. It's pablum singing to me. He's pleasant, but I wouldn't listen to him sing. I'm certainly not waiting for him. Lol, he's waiting for me, tho. Stalker."
giselle: "Lol AMAI, but his teeth are good right?"
AMAI: "Teeth? He wouldn't open his mouth. I don't know if he has teeth."
Rogue: "His new teeth are too big. All 46 of them."
giselle: "Even big they have to be better?"
Tampa: "Maybe he's related to me. I have too many teeth and they are all up front."

The curly hair is cute. He looks completely different. Randy is happy dawg came home. Paula is speechless almost.

giselle: "She is never totally speechless."

Simon faux complains about the performance, then admits it was great. Paula is proud and babbles "I love you I love you."

Ugh. It's the best and the worst of seasons. Best talent but I'm the most sick of them at this point.

Tampa: "Are you going to watch Pirate Master?"
Rogue: "I probably won't be able to resist."
AMAI: "You know we will all be watching."
Tampa: "Of course we will watch. Suckers."

Ads. Then Maroon 5 perform.

Tampa: "Come on. 20 minutes left. Dragging out this shit."
AMAI: "Oh, we need to get to know these people. We're closer than the last time I did this."
Tampa: "Painful. PAINFUL!"
AMAI: "It's a process. It's like an orgasm by the numbers. Let's take a poll among our chatting friends, shall we? Who is watching the show right now?"
MG: "I'm not."
Tampa: "I is."
AMAI: "MG isn't, Tampa is. I feel like Jeff Probst."
QB: "Jesus. Drag this out much? This show is endless."
AMAI: "Blake was really outed wasn't he. Ooh man. Is this band really a big deal? Maroon 5."
Mr. AMAI: "It's like they're chipmunks. Or maybe it's from using cell phones and you have to talk really fast to get it said in one minute."

Finally it's almost time for results.


Rogue: "Blake's dad is 500 pounds. At least 450."
giselle: "He is huge."
Tampa: "Blake will be that big one day. You can see it."
Rogue: "Blake is pudgy now."
AMAI: "375. He lost weight. He was like two people before. I thought he was carrying someone in a sack on his front."
giselle: "Blake seems short, I wonder how tall he is."
Tampa: "He does seem short."
Rogue: "5'2"."
All: "lol."

And…. Jordin is in. Blake is in. Melinda is out.

AMAI: "Melinda is too old. She is out."
Rogue: "WHAT THE FUCK! American Idol is racist. And ageist. Simon is livid."
Roadfinder: "We predicted you'd be upset, Rogue."
Tampa: "I said you'd cry. Any tears yet?"
Rogue: "Finale = Bogus."
AMAI: "Rogue, do you need a drink?"
QB: "Jordin has this in the bag."
MG: "I hope you're right, QB."
AMAI: "She doesn't have it in the bag. She needs to do awesome."
Tampa: "Watch Blake win."
Rogue: "American Homo."
MG: "That would suck."
QB: "Jordin will pound him."
Tampa: "Melinda is taking this well."
Rogue: "She should get her own finale."
AMAI: "I had a feeling Melinda would be out 3rd place. It fits her body of work. I think the voters are interested in quality entertainment."
MG: "I don't."
QB: "I think the voters are mental midgets."
Rogue: "The voters are fucking stupid."
MG: "I think a bunch of teenyboppers and old women are voting Blake. He's Clay part deux."
Rogue: "Goddamn it."
AMAI : "How mad are you?"
Rogue: "White hot."
AMAI: "Really?"
Rogue: "Ultraviolet hot."
AMAI: "You're kidding, right?"
MG: "I feel like Rogue is foreshadowing how mad we'll all be next week."
AMAI: "America voted…"
Rogue: "Badly."
AMAI: "…they chose these two. More people want to see these two than want to see Melinda. Enough with the Shrek!"
Rogue: "Never. All Blake does is wiggle that fat ass around the stage and make mechanical noises."

Final Thoughts
AMAI: "She's a good singer but she's not pretty to look at. That's why she would never win this sort of competition where it's all on TV with the close-ups. If you're gay, Blake might look pretty good to you. Melinda has a great career ahead of her. This is as far as "America" will take her in this competition. It's up to her to go on from here. She'll find her way. She has a huge fanbase and is likely to woo new fans with her album. She seems most likely to do well if you don't have to look at her."
QB: "It kinda went the way I figured. They were all about equal, but Blake and Jordin have big fan bases. Melinda is just so boring, she didn't inspire the passion to get enough people to vote. She is a better singer, but Blake is more "entertaining", and gets the little girltard vote. She couldn't over come it. Jordin will blast Blake next week. It won't even be close enough to release the percentages. They'll just declare her the winner."

As for next week, I think based on past years that they'll each sing three songs again. Based on me blotting out most of past years, I don't remember whether the two Finalists are permitted to perform at least two songs back-to back. We'll find out soon enough. See you next week. Yay, final week!

Thanks for reading.

***

SirLinksALot American Idol has more articles and recaps about this Sixth season of AI.

Dancing With The Stars 4: May 15-16, Semi-Finals

This recap is a bit later than normal due to illness among the usual participants. I just managed to watch the 8pm show on Monday night; both MG and I were too ill to watch what for me is the 11pm show (she is on the West Coast.) Then I decided to wait until after the results were known before finishing and posting the recap. It's a disclaimer, but it's also fact. Anyway, enough with our excuses! On with the recap!

Four couples remain. They're introduced in this order: Ian, Joey, Laila, Apolo. With any luck, that is the order in which they will depart this competition: Ian first, with Apolo the winner.

Tom repeats the taglines: Olympian, Fighter, Showman and Perfectionist and say that each couple performs two new routines. Len says the four couples will select their favorite dances, meaning therefore they are not learning new dances. Rather, they are expected to devise new routines for dances they should already have some familiarity with. Each couple is expected to do very well.

ROUND 1: Ballroom

Apolo & Julianne - Quick-Step
Apolo says they're yet to earn a 10 for their ballroom dancing. During the week he and Julianne went to something called a Wango-Tango, where they performed one of their dances for an appreciative crowd. That's an excellent example of a worthwhile extra-curricular activity. Apolo says he wants to be the first to earn six 10s in one night.

Apolo runs down the steps and meets Julianne who is gabbing at the judges' table. He taps her shoulder and the dance begins. His black suit is teamed a dark emerald green shirt; her dress is sparkly dark green, with a bright emerald green petticoat or slip or perhaps lining peeping out from beneath as she moves.

I love this couple! Their footwork looks good to me with perfect and therefore lovely synchronicity. They even execute leaps in unison! He takes her by the arms and whirls her through the air as he spins, then she repeats the maneuver on him!! The dance ends with him on the floor like a teddy bear. Absolutely delightful. The crowd gives a well-deserved standing ovation. After watching all season, I have to say the Quick Step has turned out to be my favorite of the ballroom dances. I didn't even know what it was before this show.

Len: "I really expected it to be a good Quick Step. It was fantastic. There was control in the speed. Great movement."
Bruno: "The Apolo Express is off on a magic ride. I can't believe I agree with Len: light, quick, fast, sporty."
Carrie Ann: "Thank you for setting the bar way high. Fantastic. You didn't miss a beat."

That sounds to me like a set of 10s across the board, doesn't it? And, yes: 10, 10, 10! That's a lovely the way to start the show off right. That was the more difficult round for them.

Ian & Cheryl - Tango.
They obtained the services of a coach, Mike Maffia, who tries to help Ian emote more during his performances. Ian claims that, "being an actor, his emotions are close to the surface." Close to, but not necessarily accessible. He just seems perpetually on the verge of a temper tantrum to me. I've tried to like him, but it feels as if he puts up an invisible wall that allows no-one in. After the coaching session he declares his intention is to "sell it like [he's] never sold it before." Cheryl exclaims she feels like she's dancing with a whole new Ian.

Tango. He's in black with a red shirt; her dress is black with a red swath and a gauzy see-thru portion in the mid-section. I find their footwork to be messy at times. I still don't like her; she exudes an air of entitlement because she's won the competition before. Perhaps it is entitlement mixed with chagrin that she has been partnered with someone who isn't capable of winning. I'll be surprised if their Tango receives perfect 10s.

Bruno: "You went with a frenzy. Watch out. I have to say keep an eye on your footwork."
Carrie: "When you travel across the floor, make it look like you're going somewhere."
Len: "I don't know what these two are looking at. That was your best dance ever. Had passion, flair. I think that was great."

Scores: 9, 10, 9. The scores, which of course are always given in the order Carrie Ann/Len/Bruno, definitely reflect their commentary. The scores ARE high, but at this stage it would seem that anything less than perfect could cost the couple a place in the finals.

Laila & Maks - Quick Step.
They struggle in rehearsals. Uh oh. The next day Maks shows up with flowers. Laila describes having Maks over to meet her whole family and just hang out relaxing while preparing barbecue. She scolds him for burning the chicken. Chicken is a difficult meat to barbecue, I've found. It seems to burn faster on the outside than it can cook on the inside. Anyway, it's an interesting diversion, but it's not dance rehearsal.

Quick Step. Laila has chosen a Cleopatra-style outfit. It's gold with a jeweled thing on the chest area. I'm sure there are proper terms for that. She's also wearing flat shoes and later we learn it's on account of having knee problems. Kudos for not complaining, Laila. This is the first I've heard of her injuries but apparently she's been struggling all competition long. I think Maks is wearing a dark suit, but I didn't note it down so cannot say for sure. They dance to Walk Like An Egyptian, which serves quite well, but not quite as perfectly as the music Apolo & Julianne used for theirs. The first time Laila & Max insert the Egyptian-ish head bobble (on the title line), it works very well. On the repetition, however, the head-bobble movement is slightly off from the music and looks as thought they are straining to make the music "fit."

Carrie Ann: "People are expecting you to be as good as the professional women. You bring a vibe that is sophisticated."
Len: "This was a little more basic than the other one we saw." Maks argues a bit, Laila apologizes for Maks, but in the end it won't matter a jot.
Bruno: "Cleopatra Ali. Magical!"

Scores: 10, 10, 10. Oh my. I truly did not expect them to receive a perfect score. The dance was good, but perfect? Not in my view.

Joey & Kym - Foxtrot.
Last week the couple was devastated to find themselves in the bottom 2. Kym says Joey means business this week. Once again they took time to go out and "meet the fans." At least this time they also put on a dancing display.

Foxtrot. They dance to My Guy wearing white. Kym's dress is mostly see-thru and she looks like she's wearing a 50s two-piece bathing seat covered with a gauzy backless shimmy. Joey's all white suit features long tails. It's a lovely enough dance, I suppose. Perhaps I am beginning to tire of dancing that is merely good and not spectacular. At the end they twirl each other twice through the air. It's quite amazing to see Kym holding Joey up two times in a row. There must be a trick to that move, which allows a small woman to appear to be wheeling her much larger partner through the air.

Len: "I like to see you portray the people in each dance. You blended so well. That was American Smooth." Has Len taken a sip of Bruno's drink?
Bruno: "Mr Showbiz at his best. You two are like two movie stars of the '40s. I was enchanted."
Carrie Ann: "What is amazing about you, Joey, is you do have what it takes to win. A winner bounces back. Just now, you won the ballroom round."

Say what? Not for my money, he didn't. Does Carrie Ann only remember the most recent dance she's seen? Apolo & Julianne were the stars of this round, even if three couples received perfect scores.

And oh yes, Joey & Kym do receive 10, 10, 10. And who's the only one who didn't get perfect 10s? Why, Ian, yes. Still, he did get one 10, and from Len too, so he's happy.

BREAK
For our break this week, Len visits each couple to provide pointers for the Latin round. He tells us his dancing specialty was Latin, so it's quite a good segue. He instructs Ian on the fine art of kicking. Apolo is helped to overcome what I thought I heard Len call "Apolo's sickle feet" syndrome. Laila needs to work on her arms, and Len suggests she focus on "placing her hand" and then her arm will follow naturally. Joey's butt still sticks out but I don't know if one session with Len will be enough to correct that problem. What I do know is that Joey took the opportunity to quip that Len has good advice, which is no surprise since "he's been dancing for 95 years."

ROUND 2: Latin.

Apolo & Julianne - Cha Cha Cha.
He's in a blue shirt and black pants; she's in an electric blue gown. The song is Push It. As was the case with almost every one of their dances all season, I find the routine delightful and highly charged. I'm a fan of course. I didn't realize the Cha Cha could look like this. But it is a little bit like watching two people have stylized sex on the dance floor. It's kind of hard to watch some of the moves.

Bruno: "So energetic. Shot of adrenalin."
Carrie Ann: "You sold it. I felt dirty watching it."
Len: "Your feet were much better. For me, there was a lot of gyration and raunch, with only a few basic steps. Too much of one thing."

Actually, I do kind of agree with Len on this one, even though I know it will mean losing a point and missing out on the perfect 60. With so much that was let slide in the Ballroom Round, at first I was piqued that Len got tough on Apolo in this round. However, with any luck this will only galvanize the couple to do even better in the finals.

Scores: 10, 9, 10. (Bruno knocks his head on the desk after Len gives his 9, which is funny if a little melodramatic.) Their total for the night is 59/60.

Ian & Cheryl - Jive.
He's wearing an Elvis outfit complete with overdone pompadour. He does not look at all like himself. Their song is All Shook Up, one of my few Elvis favorites. He's in white with a red scarf. She's in a red bikini top and short red skirt. The routine is cute but the whole Elvis get-up is distracting because it just doesn't look like Ian at all.

Carrie Ann: "Hallelujah. Who'd have thought a wig would help you break through?"
Len: "Technically I've always thought you were the soundest. Tonight you came out and done the lot."
Bruno: "Somehow it works. The breakthrough is there. You've done it."

Scores: 10, 10, 10. They finally get a perfect score. Ian is so excited he runs over and hugs… Joey? OooOooo.

Laila & Maks - Cha Cha Cha.
They dance to She's A Lady. She's in a hot pink dress, he's in a mauve top with hot pink vertical stripes and black pants. It's a nice routine but is it worthy of perfect scores? Somehow I think it doesn't matter. They even throw in that strange hip/thigh waggle thing that Laila loves so much, and which I think she calls "the butterfly."

Len: "This had far more content. You won me over with the butterfly."
Bruno: "No doubt you're a knockout. You have confidence."
Carrie Ann: "Technique shines through."

My notes are getting sketchier. I apologize. I was feeling quite exhausted by the end and was doing well to note down anything at all. I shall be well-rested for the finals, I promise! Multi-Geminii also promises to be well and return for the final round of dancing.

Scores: 10, 10, 10. This means that, technically, Laila & Maks are the first couple of the season to be given a perfect 60 for the night. I don't know if they really deserved two perfect scores, but it was a nice enough set of dances.

Joey & Kym - Jive.
He's in a yellow jacket, black pants and white shirt. The performance begins with Joey striding over to the judges' table and laying himself down on it, with his head at Carrie Ann's end, naturally. Kym enters the dance area, wearing a black sparkly dress, and Joey leaps up, places his bright canary yellow boater on Len's head, gives Carrie Ann a kiss and possibly ignores Bruno completely. The dance begins. Their song is Jump Jive and Mr. AMAI immediately declares this to be his favorite song ever. Which isn't true but at least shows willingness to enjoy the festivities. The routine contains many bits of business, as Joey routines often do, but some solid footwork as well. It appears that Joey is being chastised throughout the dance for being too forward. At one point Joey goes down into the splits and then as Kym faux-taps him on the head, he bounces up and down in the split position. It's quite an entertaining routine, all round. Kym's footwork is adorable and a delight to watch. Joey keeps up admirably well.

Bruno: "More flash than Vegas, and more tricks than Houdini."
Carrie Ann: "Thank you for being the guy who comes up here."
Len wears Joey's yellow hat as he delivers his comments: "You've got something that everyone's got but yours is much bigger. (pause for the inevitable dirty thoughts) Personality! If you're not in the final, this show will be missing a great performer."

Scores, deservedly: 10, 10, 10. And that's another perfect 60 for the night. Well done, Joey & Kym.

The recap snippets aren't enough to remind me of the dances that I just couldn't get into enough to comment upon more fully. Oh, well.

Laila/Maks and Joey/Kym are at 60 each. Apolo/Julianne have 59/60 and Ian/Cheryl have 58. It's very close, and anyone's game, really. I know who I would like to see leave the competition. MultiG and I agreed a few weeks ago the order in which couples would depart.

RESULTS.
Since I missed working on the recap at all on Tuesday in order to be able to post it even by 3pm on the day prior to the hour-long results show, I figured I may as well wait and find out who would be in next week's final show.

This results show has been inconsistent in quality over the weeks. Of course, the recipient of the encore performance goes a long way to whether or not I personally consider it must-see TV worthy of watching twice in one night. This week the encore goes to Joey & Kym for their Jive. It's almost as good as the night before, but Joey doesn't quite attain the depth of splits for one thing. Apolo & Julianne still hold my award for Best Encore Performance for their marvelous Paso Doble.

There are two songs performed by the rather gorgeous yet strangely inaccessible Enrique Iglesias. He is quite a pretty young man, isn't he, yet he looks so tortured. I don't really like that song Hero, but I watch him sing for a few moments. I think Enrique's problem is he's not quite capable of being in love with anyone other than himself, so he's destined to never really be happy.

Joaquim someone-or-other, a world-famous Flamenco dancer, provides a demonstration of that dance. It is mostly quite boring, but now at least I realize where Michael Keaton got the steps for his routine in Beetlejuice.

We learn early on that Joey & Kym are through to the finals, which is very nice for them and for us, since they are entertaining. Later on we're told that Laila & Maks have also earned a berth. Tom the host says we're not going to be given a "bottom two" but rather told who is out and who is in of Ian and Apolo. Now this seems strange, perhaps, but here is how I understood it. The fact that the choice is presented as being between these two does not mean that Apolo had the third best overall score. He could have had the most viewer votes of anyone, and actually been the winner overall for the week. But for the purposes of excitement, the choice appeared to be between him and Ian.

Luckily for me and I'm sure many of you, Apolo & Julianne will be in the finals, while Ian & Cheryl join the also-rans. The band plays a rendition of Carole King's It's Too Late, Baby while Ian & Cheryl hug all the remaining contestants and the crowd cheers and applauds.

Next week the couples will dance a judges' choice and another dance. I'm looking forward to it, actually! See you then.

Thanks for reading.

***

SirLinksALot Dancing With The Stars links have more recaps and articles about Season 4 of this show.

Drew's Reviews - American Idol 6 - May 15, 2007

by DREW B

If there was ever any doubt that LaKisha should not have been the one to go home last week, I would say that last night answered that. The songs of all three finalists in round one last night were worse than EVERY SINGLE PERFORMANCE WE EVER SAW LAKISHA DO -- yes, even the awful "Jesus Take the Wheel" and "Believe". Most of LaKisha's performances throughout the season were better than each and every performance last night. LaKisha outclasses Blake and Jordin at least as much as Tamyra outclassed Nikki or LaToya outclassed Jasmine or Boomie outclassed everybody else. And she's more outstanding than Melinda, too, if not as solidly consistent. I hope that in the mythology of Idol, what happened to LaKisha is seen as the robbery it was...

Jordin - Round 1 - What? This blink-and-you-miss-it performance wasn't worth the effort. Bad song choice, bad arrangement, badly sung (very shaky). Next?

Blake - Round 1 - It wasn't horrible. Blake's voice sounded more resonant than usual, and he brought an interesting and distinctive sound to the song. What he didn't bring, though, is any passion. I think this song requires passion -- else the "I won't share you with another man" line makes no sense. Then again, I don't think Blake has ever brought passion to a song (passion for the emotional life portrayed there -- I do believe he has passion for the intellectual exercise of the music). What people are calling "contemporary" about him, I think, is his bemused, detached, unemotional style. That's not for me. And I hated the way he changed the phrasing. Blake should have learned something from Sligh...

Melinda - Round 1 - After watching Blake and Jordin, I thought Round 1 would be an easy win for Melinda. I was shocked when she turned in her worst, pitchiest vocal performance ever. I had no idea that Melinda was capable of being so off-key! Most of the time, she caught herself and corrected pretty well, but there was one sustained note near the end that was such a clunker, and I watched her eyes fill with panic when she couldn't get off of it! I respect that she has a good ear and knows when she screws up. I don't respect that the judges either don't hear or don't admit that they hear "pitchiness" to the extreme.

Round 1 rankings:
1. Blake (by default)
2. Jordin
3. Melinda (made my ears bleed)

Jordin - Round 2 - Total karaoke, but decent vocally (not easy to do with Donna Summer). I don't think she understands the song, but she faked it okay. Add to that the fact that I just like the song, and Jordin came off decently.

Blake - Round 2 - I hate this song. I hate Maroon 5's version and I hate Blake's version. I like Blake's version a little more because the beatboxing was at least a splash of something interesting. This did not showcase good singing, but that is to be expecting -- there is no good singing in the original, either.

Melinda - Round 2 - This song had no melody and I had a hard time figuring it out. I thought it was a bad choice for her, in that it showed nothing new (we've seen this side of her before) and it doesn't showcase her singing. Meh.

Round 2 rankings:
1. Jordin (more for the song than the singer)
2. Melinda
3. Blake

Jordin - Round 3 - I thought she looked like Oprah during this one. Well, if Oprah OD'd on human growth hormone... There is no denying that Jordin sounds great on this song. In fact, I think it was easily the best vocal of the night. However, it was still a disappointment, in that she didn't do it as well as the first time (remember, Jordin, you have to plant your feet and stand still or you go downhill).

Blake - Round 3 - Who knew that the Big Butts that Sir Mixalot likes includes Blake's? I would have rather seen him do that song in the competition than the one he chose. And why did he get to do a new song while Jordin and Melinda reprised old ones? Weird. I don't know this song and it was hard for me to figure out/evaluate Blake. The verses were okay, but the chorus SUUUUUCKED. I think that was the song, not Blake, but I'm not so sure...

Melinda - Round 3 - In light of the fact that the producers had chosen the "Nutbush" song for her, this was a bad choice. It showcases exactly the same side. I would have preferred if she had reprised "Sway", saying that it was the one performance that Simon didn't like, and she wanted to change that... This performance was way, way worse than the first time she did it. She lost her diction in the first half so we lost all the lyrics. That's the whole POINT of the song! I did think the interaction with the background singers was cool.

Round 3 rankings:
1. Jordin (even though it was worst than last time)
2. Melinda
3. Blake

All songs rankings:
1. Jordin - Round 3



2. Melinda - Round 3
3. Blake - Round 1
4. Jordin - Round 2
5. Melinda - Round 2
6. Blake - Round 3
7. Blake - Round 2
8. Jordin - Round 1



9. Melinda - Round 1

Overall rankings (and I'm very sad to report this):
1. Jordin (I still want her to go home)
2. Blake
3. Melinda (she had the only truly BAD vocal, and her others weren't good enough to redeem it. She had by far the most challenging song, so it's not entirely her fault, but that's the way the cookie crumbles).

AI6 "Four kill Boogie Night"

Chat is Connected.
gisellebelle: "OK, it's on."
giselle: "30 million Americans…"
giselle: "3 girls, one guy…"
giselle: "Hellllooooo…"
QualityBobby: "Lol. Hi."
AllMenAreIslands: "Hi."
MultiGeminii: "Hi."
giselle: "Ok, phew. I thought I was alone with Barry Gibb and I don't like this kind of music."
AMAI: "LOL. You're not alone. Jordin said so the other week. And Judge Judy is in the crowd. Mr. AMAI saw her."
QB: "Scary."

The show opens with the usual blah-di-blah between Ryan and the Judges, followed by the usual prepared movie package, this time about the BeeGees' slew of hits. Guest mentor Barry Gibb will assist the Kids tonight, as they perform two songs each. But not two songs together back-to-back, so there's no sense of what a set of theirs would be like. It's also too bad there isn't a rule that makes them choose one slow song and one fast.

During rehearsal, Barry listens to the four Kids harmonizing round a piano, then says, "You sound great together, you wanna be a group?" I bet he retracted that invitation after listening to the god-awful medley on Results Night." But I leap ahead…

Melinda:
Song 1: Love You Inside And Out.

She says her goal is to take a song originally performed by a group and make it work for a solo artist. Barry reminds us he was singing like a lady in the first place, so the song should work for her. The trouble is, Melinda's best range is not as high as Barry's used to be.

QB: "She is just so boring to me. It really doesn't matter what she sings."
AMAI: "At first I thought she was doing a good job. The first few lines were good. But then it started to put me to sleep. Luckily I had REM sleep and dreamed I was rewatching Apolo & Julianne for a 5th time. Now THAT was awesome."


AMAI: "I don't like her outfit. But is she getting thinner?"
QB: "Must be a new girdle."
Mr. AMAI: "What's with the tether?"
AMAI: "It's for hanging herself after."
giselle: "The jeans don't work well on her."
AMAI: "Did she have those pants sprayed on? They make her legs splay funny."
giselle: "You're right. It looks like her thighs were duct taped together. To be honest, I fast forwarded through most of the performance."
QB: "Lol, that sounds familiar."
giselle: "She was better last week."
MG: "God, that was boring. Boring song, boring performance."

I think I know what it was. It was kind of like 'Anne Murray Sings Disco.' Anne's voice is bland, blah, albeit soothing. Everyone needs to own an Anne Murray for a cheap yet reliable sedative.

Randy hums and haws, eventually croaking that it wasn't her best.

AMAI: "Randy is just now realizing that maybe no one is in it to win it."

Paula: "It's hard to critique you. You vocals are great and that's consistent, thank god. But we're looking for something that will wow us."

Simon: "What Paula was attempting to say was she wasn't impressed. That wasn't incredible. It was more of a backing vocalist performance. It wasn't a star's performance. I want to see better than that. Luckily you have a second song."

AMAI: "I thought Paula did a pretty good job of expressing herself."
MG: "Well, whatever Paula was trying to say was correct."
QB: "Melinda's vocals are always on, but there's no "wow" factor. I agree with the judges, all 3 of them for once."
AMAI: "She didn't WOW me either. She threatened to wow me for a minute there."
QB: "Not a good start for her. The others have a chance now."

Blake
Song 1: You Should Be Dancing

We watch rehearsal. Blake doesn't want to say what he's going to do to the song, but thankfully the editors override him and provide a sneak preview.

Mr. AMAI: "This should be horrible."
giselle: "We are in for a treat, I know it. Yay!! (not really)"
AMAI: "Oh yes, a treat. If you like doggie treats."
giselle: "Or sour pickles."
QB: "I bet Blake gets by tonight. I think his niche gets him through. The other 3 split the votes. The ones who liked Chris and Phil will go mostly to Blake. The "cute" vote has nowhere else to go."
AMAI: "A lot of people who liked Chris or Phil also like one of the girls. And he was in the bottom last week. I would hate to see Blake in the F2, because he doesn't sing. He poompooms. And Blake is not a cutie in the same mold as Chris or Phil. He's gay, or gayish."
QB: "All true. But I still think he'll get the little girltard vote and it will be enough."

The performance begins. It is quite gay.


Mr. AMAI: "Does this guy know he's stupid?"
QB: "Worst.Jacket.Ever."
Mr. AMAI: "Something is the matter with the TV."
AMAI: "He's doing the falsetto."
MG: "His falsetto sucks."
QB: "Falsetto is fine but he looks like a 'tard."
AMAI: "There is a limited market for Gay Disco."
giselle: "Guess the hair dye from last week didn't wash out, but the stripes are um, different."
MG: "Like a skunk."
AMAI: "How appropriate. Oh, where's my Ecstasy?"
MG: "I don't know but I can't find my painkillers either."
AMAI: " I stole 'em. Poppers for everyone! We were all in need, MG. Sowwy. Terrible performance."
giselle: "Well, 0 for 2."

Could it be? Has Randy fallen out of love with his dreamboat? His commentary is less than enthusiastic to say the least. And when you consider that Randy has praised all sorts of Blake-dreck, it's quite interesting that he isn't praising this. He found it "interesting," which is perhaps the new "pitchy." He says, "Sometimes when you beatbox, it works. This didn't work." Paula band-wagons, claiming he started shaky, and both melody & pitch were off. However, she thinks he showed "musicianship" with the beatboxing.

QB: "I honestly don't know what to say. I guess it was good? I am speechless. That stuff is always love it or hate it."
AMAI: "It's hilarious. And I hate it. OooOoo: Paula gives a full palm hand clap. That's extremely rare, you know."

Simon doesn't mince words: "Absolutely terrible." Not that there's anything further to say but he complains when the "You're So Done" music begins. Ryan faux-consoles him: "That's okay, Simon. Another time. We have a lot to do tonight." This is great! Only an hour to fill and plenty to fill it with! No time for idle chit-chat.

Lakisha
Song 1: Stayin' Alive

She receives personal instruction from Barry, who says he's looking forward to hearing her sing with the band. Is that a veiled remark that he has had enough of listening to her sing by herself?

giselle: "And I thought Melinda's jeans were bad..... this is a mess and gross but at least we don't have to look at her cleavage."
QB: "I had the same thought. Why let the fat girl wear spandex?"


giselle: "True!!! Bobby."
AMAI: "It's an unfortunate wardrobe choice."

Randy: "That was weird for me. It's a great melody and you tried to make it your own. You tried to do too much. Too much goin' on."
MG: "It wasn't too much going on."
AMAI: "No kidding. It's fucking disco. I heard the minor melody changes Randy was talking about. It wasn't worth making such an issue of them."
Tampa: "Randy is on the rag."
AMAI: "He's a giant turd. He's wrong to say she was bad to make it her own. If you can't make a song like Stayin' Alive your own, then what song can you make your own? STFU, Randy."
QB: "They are all kinda grouchy tonight, even Paula."
MG: "I like her tone better than Melinda's. That's about all I can say, sorry."

Paula: "Taking the tempo down brought everyone down.
Simon: "No kiss tonight baby. Back to the shouting again."

AMAI: "Evs. They clearly want her gone, so they're saying anything."
giselle: "0 for 3."
MG: "Lol at 'Evs' in AI chat."
AMAI: "This show is crappy but a crappy show might make for a funny recap. LOL."
giselle: "Better crappy than boring."
AMAI: I'm only really staying up to re-watch Apolo & Julianne one more time.
Mr. AMAI: "They're panning everyone's first song to make us stick around for the second half."

Jordin
Song 1: To Love Somebody

She is asked a Phantom Viewer question, "What have you learned about yourself during this whole Idol process?"

QB: "Who gives a shit what she's learned about herself?"
AMAI: "Her fans? But what could you learn? The only thing I really got from her answer is that she gets good grades, As and Bs."
giselle: "Oh, but good song."
AMAI: "It is a good song."
QB: "This is a tough song to sing. Jordin is the best one left. They'll love this one. I really want her to win."

Barry tells us that of the more than 200 people who have recorded this song, he hasn't heard a greater version of it than Jordin's.

giselle: "Couple of hundred people!"
MG: "Barry Gibb likes her best."
giselle: "Me too!!!"
MG: "I like Kiki best, but I want Jordin to win."
AMAI: "I like Lakisha well enough, but I definitely want Jordin to win. I think she will win barring unfortunate accidents."


AMAI: "What the hell is she wearing?"
MG: "Yeah, her dress sucks. Oh it's a top. Still sucks."
giselle: "It's a dress with jeans. But of all of them, it is the best outfit."
AMAI: "Her dress/top looks like she stopped painting in Art Class, and is singing to that special boy."
MG: "Yes AMAI! But her hair looks fab."
QB: "Hahahaha."
AMAI: "Of course! Her hair always looks fab."

The judges all like the performance. Simon declares she's winning.

giselle: "Best of the night, IMO."
AMAI: "She did a lovely rendition."
MG: "She really is just as pretty as Antonella."
AMAI: "Prettier! And… she is in it to win it. Randy said so."
MG: "1. Jordin 2. Kiki 3. Melinda 4. Blake."
All: "Agreed!"
QB: "I hope to hell the second songs are better than the first ones."
AMAI: "Can they be worse?"

ROUND 2

Melinda
Song 2: How Can You Mend A Broken Heart?

giselle: "I hate hate hate this song."
MG: "I like it."
AMAI: "I like it, too. But it's wrong for her."
MG: "Well, I like the Al Green version. The Bee Gees did this song?"
AMAI: "LOL, MG. Yes. But actually there are other early Bee Gee songs I'd rather have heard."

Melinda gets a Phantom Viewer question. "What was your first tape or CD?" Melinda reminds us she's old, since her first was on tape. They didn't even have CDs back when she was a girl.


Notice how they don't even mention vinyl anymore? Then she makes a big deal out of the fact that her mom crossed out the word "Bad" and wrote "Good" on her copy of that Michael Jackson album.

During rehearsal Barry is suggesting which verses to put into the performance. She tells Barry she is careful about words and therefore doesn't want to sing about being a loser.

giselle: "I'd rather be wet than be a loser?"
QB: "Um. I'd rather you were wet too?"
giselle: "Shhhh."
AMAI: "I like Melinda again now. I can appreciate someone who appreciates words."

Oh well. The performance is not good. It may well be her weakest performance all season. The beginning is mostly soft and quiet; the main problem is that I don't believe this song coming from her. There isn't an emotional connection with its sentiment. In the middle she begins to ramp up the shouting, which is just another substitute for an emotionally driven performance.

QB: "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Yikes, that does suck."
AMAI: "The beginning made me want to sleep, but the end made me wish I had turned her off in the middle."
MG: "I didn't like the end either."
giselle: "I just don't see her as a pop star."
Mr. AMAI: "She can't sing and rub her tummy at the same time."
QB: "Thank you, giselle! I have been saying that all along!"
giselle: "She is no Chris Daughtry."
AMAI: "I think she may turn out to be a gospel star."

Randy goes nuts: "Great song, great ending. You our resident pro. You got it going on."
Paula: "Vocals is not everything. Throw all the technique away."
AMAI: "Paula needs her meds!"
giselle: "lol"
Simon: "The second half of that song put you into the semi finals."
giselle: "Now we have to suffer through Blake again."

Blake
Song 2: This Is Where I Came In

Barry explains that when the Bee Gees wrote this song, they thought it could be a hit. Turns out they thought wrong. Barry hopes Blake can update it with his beatboxing.

AMAI: "Fat chance."
QB: "Now he is doing the beat box on every song."
Mr. AMAI: "This should be really good."
QB: "He definitely is going for the Clay look."
MG: "People think he's cute. :pukes
AMAI: "Gay young men at Sucks think he's cute. And the old gays too. I can see how they would like him. But his voice needs studio help."
MG: "Actually I think Sligh was better. But you had to not look at Sligh to enjoy it."
AMAI: "Yes!"

I suppose it's just what you like and/or are used to. I don't like his voice or his look, and he hasn't given me a reason to like him.


Mr. AMAI: "This is a schoolboy's uniform."
QB: "It is. I hate his tie."
AMAI: "Is it? I cannot stand him. I hope I've got the right picture here."

He's singing in his usual style. The song is boring; there's a very good reason it wasn't a hit.

Mr. AMAI: "This sucks."
giselle: "What is this??? It's not disco. How did he get this far???"
AMAI: "Ugh, it's horrible."
MG: "I liked one song he did very early on."
giselle: "I liked Blake at first too, but it's gotten old."
AMAI: "Nursing home old. I tried to like him, but he's not my type of gay. Could you imagine a whole album of this shit?"
MG: "Hell no."
QB: "He is in danger, big time."
AMAI: "Good!"

Randy: "You don't have to beat box on every joint."
Paula: "If he can, if he can."
Randy: "Not every time."
Paula: "If he can…"
Randy: "No."
giselle: "Paula is all about the guys. Only one she has left, I guess."
AMAI: "She might get further with Lakisha."

Paula finally quits arguing with Randy and gets on with her comments: "You're the contemporary rebel. I don't know that song, but I did enjoy you singing. You sang spot on and on-key."
Mr. AMAI: "Someone, cut her off."
Simon: "I don't know that song. I found it completely tuneless. You have had a bad night. That was a really, really weird choice of song."

giselle: "Lol. Simon tells it how it is."
AMAI: "I have to say it wasn't completely tuneless. The song on Dancing With The Stars that Joey & Kym did their mambo to was a better example of completely tuneless."
MG: "AMAI, this is Blake hate hour. Please cooperate."
AMAI: "LOL. I would if I could but I can't. Not on that point. I'll give the judges the rest of the points."
giselle: "Hopefully next season is better."
AMAI: "You know, giselle, we say that every season. I've come to the realization that this is pretty much it. This is reality TV. It sucks because reality sucks."
QB: "lol Very true, AMAI."
giselle: "That is why we are all here, isn't it?"

Simon's evil twin, Judge Judy, was in the audience and Ryan hauls her to her feet and she promptly runs over to bestow a kiss on Simon. Ryan points out that Simon's mom is also here but nobody wants to spend time on her. Judge Judy is in the house!

Ryan tries for more facetime and reflected glory, as Judy comes back into camera range. "Let's tell the truth," says Ryan to us as he puts a conspiratorial arm around Judy's shoulders. "They've been dating for 3 months." Haha laughs all round.

Mr. AMAI: "Someone tell Eamish to get on with it."
QB: "Eamish?"
AMAI: "I think he means Ryan. I don't know. You read his recap."
QB: "Must be nice to invent your own words."
AMAI: "Do you know how many definitions of the word 'meow' there are?"
Mr. AMAI: "Me and the cat, we're like this."

Kiki
Song 2: Run To Me

Barry helps her improve the song performance. He says it's a challenge.

AMAI: "Kiki will rise to the challenge."

A few moments later...

AMAI: "What a sucky song choice. Too many downbeat songs tonight."
giselle: "And …we have cleavage and the dress shows every bump and roll. Girl's got boobs."
AMAI: "She's got everyone's boobs. That much cleavage is shades of Haley. And the dress makes me think of an actual peppermint patty."


QB: "I like boobs, but no thanks. Jesus. She looks like a watermelon. Who dresses these people?"
AMAI: "She is probably given the right to make final choice."
QB: "Well, take that away!"
AMAI: "There isn't a lot of choice for the super plus size."
QB: "I guess."
giselle: "The singing is uninspiring. No goosebumps. She is screaming again."
AMAI: "It's bad. She could be in danger."
MG: 'This is boring."
QB: "Horrid."
AMAI: "But Blake needs to leave. I will survive if I never hear him bleatbox again."
MG: "She will leave though."
AMAI: "Sigh. The end is the best part, when she stops singing."

Randy: "You went a bit hoarse at the end, but much better."
Paula: "Don't beat yourself over that. You're still a champ."
Simon: "You & Blake are vulnerable tonight."

Jordin
Song 2: Woman in Love.

Barry says her version is different from Barbra Streisand's, which I would hope so. I didn't realize that this song was written by Barry Gibb. You learn something new every other day, don't you? Barry tells Jordin that her gift is she can choose whether to make the high notes intense or hard. He tells us he thinks she'll be one of our greatest recording artists.

For the performance she's changed into a very flattering turquoise gown.


giselle: "Nice dress."
QB: "See! She looks good! Nice dress, good hair."
AMAI: "Lovely dress. She looks good."
QB: "The others look like crap. She is doing very well."
AMAI: "She's a big girl. How does she manage to look so good?"
MG: "Yes, the song choices were awful."
AMAI: "Jordin looks like the winner. Anyone else would be wrong."
MG: "Very reminiscent of Barry Manilow week. I like this song, though. Is that wrong?"
AMAI: "Not at all. It's a great song. She is lovely and has a pop accessible voice. Melinda doesn't have that most of the time."
MG: "She would be a very Kelly-like winner."
AMAI: "This is better than Streisand."
giselle: "Oh, I love her."
QB: "She is doing great with the high notes! Excellent! Your next American Idol."
AMAI: "YES!"

Randy: "Pitchy, not your best. Tough song."
Paula: "You look your best. It was not… I love you anyway."
Simon: "Old-fashioned, and pageanty, from dress, to song choice. Ugh, I mean, you're only 17."

AMAI: "Did Paula only have time to put eyeshadow on one eye?"
giselle: "Lol"
QB: "Lol. She probably thought she put it on both. She's so hammered, she sees double."
AMAI: "Hammered and nailed. She needs staples."
Mr. AMAI: "Why isn't anyone saying, 'You missed the mid-tones'?"
AMAI: "Because it's not a pre-approved comment."

WHO SHOULD GO?
AMAI: "I feel beaten into submission by the song choices tonight. Jordin is definitely #1, though."
giselle: "They were good songs that no-one could sing."
AMAI: "Blake is a pukefest. Jordin #1, Blake #4."
giselle: "Jordin and that's it... No? OK, then Melinda, then Kiki, then Blake."
MG: "Kiki #2."
AMAI: "Kiki and Melinda tied for 2nd or 3rd."
QB: "I agree completely."
Mr. AMAI: "What a shit night."
All: "Agreed!"

RESULTS NIGHT.
The evening begins with Simon sitting in the middle, clapping like Paula, and Paula sitting in Simon's usual spot and she's rubbing her chest in an exaggerated way. This convinces me that Lakisha is going home.

With an hour to fill, Ryan has to tap all the usual items and then some. He does man in the street interviews, he takes us on a shlep down memory lane back to the Final 12, he sends it to Pink to perform. Then we have the usual Ford Pimpmercial, with the kids dressed in wacky outfits lip-synching to some song or other. Then there's the Idol Challenge winner, and another lame question for next week. Something we don't often get is the Group Sing, but because there are only 4 Kids left, this week we have to have a medley of Bee Gee songs. It's one of the worst Group Sings ever, so we chit-chat throughout:

AMAI: "Mr. AMAI thinks Melinda will win."
QB: "Yep. Ugh. I hope not."
giselle: Me too. Although, she could go the way of Ruben- where is he anyways?:
QB: "Wendy's."
giselle: "lol"
AMAI: "He can't get out of bed."
giselle:: "lol"
AMAI: "Ironically, he's slipped through Idol's cracks."
giselle: Well, we had a Ford commercial. Now an ad for this stupid Fantastic Four movie."
AMAI: "This is Idol Taking Back. Mega revenue from major corporate sponsors."
QB: *Yawn*

Finally we get some results. Jordin is declared safe. Then it's time for a performance by Barry Gibb.

QB: "Mumbles Gibb is up."
giselle: "What is up with his mouth?"
Tampa: "Something is wrong with his lips?"
AMAI: "They disappeared into his mouth."
Tampa: "He is awful."
QB: "Wow, hideous. AAAHHHHH. Jesus."
AMAI: "I can live without this sound."
QB: "This is really bad."
giselle: "My expectations were pretty low. You expected more?"
QB: "I expected at least decent. He wouldn't get past the screening at auditions."
AMAI: "I didn't know what we might get. He should have done 1941 Mining Disaster. That would be topical, with the global warming hysteria. Press all the wrong buttons."
Mr. AMAI: "He can still sing, eh? I found it pitchy."
giselle: "He made millions being pitchy."
AMAI: "Have we run out of shit to say about this fucking lameass show?"
Tampa: "It needs to be just over with."
AMAI: "Yeah, it does. How about they declare Jordin the winner and have a sing off to see who's going to be named 2nd, 3 and 4th?"

Finally eventually it's actually time to declare who is leaving. First, Melinda is safe. Then Blake is safe, which means that alas, it's Lakisha's time to go. I really liked her. She had some bad weeks, but she had some great weeks too. For me her best song was This Aint A Love Song in Bon Jovi week. Best of luck, Kiki!!

Thanks for reading. See you next week.


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