Eps 6 & 7: Double Boot, THEN the Recrap? WTF?

It's almost time for a proper episode of Survivor. The good thing about the Recrap Episode is having a week off. We'll get to the bad things about the Recrap in a moment.

CAO BOI

motivational poster by WylDawg

AmberKnecht heard Paula Cole's Where Have all the Cowboys Gone? right after the show: "Because I was still celebrating his elimination, the alternate words just popped into my head."

Dude you are so crazy
Complained the girls are lazy
While watching them comparing their pits
You worship Tengeroa
And prove that you don't know the Diff'rence
'twixt Shinola and shits
They won't vote you off next,
if you'll just shut your yap
Where is my champagne?
They voted off Anh-tuan
They'd rather keep their bad winds
Just as long as Cao Boi's gone


CHRISTINA

Cristina also got booted, but nobody wrote a song parody about her.
However, one of the vote papers:


inspired Remote33 to start a thread, "What other votes would Jenny cast?" It's up to 18 pages. Here are a handful of entries:

chop by Remote33

chop by beatles20147

chop by Ultra Discharge

chop by smokeitgood

chop by Lake Like The Ocean

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE
Although Jenny's Votes kept everyone busy, Episode 6's Pole Challenge inspired a handful of motivational posters:

motivational poster by notremojo

motivational poster by notremojo

motivational poster by jhapet

KIDNAPPING NATE

love me or leave me started a thread about the decision to kidnap Nate, "Should Aitu have taken Cristina?": Oh yeah, let's capture a guy who isn't in jeopardy and is still gonna keep their tribe strong once he goes back instead of the weak Cristina which would obviously throw the other tribe into a tizzy and leave them with a weaker member for the next IC. Dumbasses.

The posters took it from there:

Mega64: Fucking morons. Nothing but idiots playing this season.

Strange Frute: They should have chosen Cristina so she'd be safe. Damn!

kmill: I imagine that members of Aitu will try to make deals with him, which would probably be the only beneficial decision they could make. I wish they would have taken Jenny, that would've been interesting.

The Marquesan Godfather: Well, the whities probably want Adam's plans to work out, so why take away his boot choice?

Will: Let's see, take somebody when they already have enough strength to crush them or somebody that the tribe hates. Or did they not take Cristina because they didn't want her on their tribe either?

WylDawg: They would've been fucking scrambling for their lives had they chose X-Tina instead. There was just no excuse for such stupidity.

Piranhahaha: No kidding. If anything was obvious from listening in on that TC was that Cristina was despised. Plus he's arguably their best physical threat. That is easily one of the stupidest decisions ever made in this game.

The Marquesan Godfather: Candice and Jonathan plan on reuniting with Adam at the merge. There's no reason to take away his boot choice and cause a giant scramble.

growsonwalls: You know I'm wondering if they wanted to use some reverse psychology. Like bring Nate over, and isolate him from the tribe, so they'll vote him out next TC because they don't trust him??? That's the only reason I can think of for such a dumb decision.

shoeless rye: Maybe Aitu realized that Cristina was the strongest female on Raro and if they were going to cannibalize her, who were they to stop them? I mean if they saved Cristina, Raro would have just booted a weaker female and thus would have made them stronger. Basically, Cristina being booted was a good thing for Aitu, so why mess that up and maybe see a Jenny or Rebecca boot.


OZZY
A pictorial interlude.

Yum.

motivational poster by ShiiAnnsWedgie

"Recap sucks"
The dumbed down recrap had the words "New Scene" on every tidbit of new material, so nobody could use the excuse that they couldn't tell the difference between the actual recrap and the ne'er before seen stuff. Because, you know, without the labelling who could tell?

The only thing that was really new was learning Nate was approached to help boot JP. So at least now we know he wanted to stick out like a sore thumb, and wasn't deliberately left out of the loop. He sure was determined to get rid of Stephannie.

fsmdud started a thread: They just spent 10 minutes showing us a useless black fat ass who kept falling out of a boat. The invisible losers are still invisible. Bring back Fatricia and Janet and BB.

kmill: They snubbed Cece... this fucking sucks.

Mega64: More Ryan Shoulders, please.

WylDawg: Recraps are always bad but this one was particularly shitty. They've only showed extensions of stuff we already knew (i.e JP getting blindsided, X-Tina bitching).

pjadedd: It did show that CaoBoi is a hypocrite. From the first time the episode aired and tonight, it certainly looked like he was all for voting off Becky. Then, he's pissed Puka voted him off. STFU, ass!

WylDawg: ^ Good point. Seriously, what's the fucking point of having a double TC if you're gonna have a recrap the following week? Doesn't that cancel out the double boot? So you might as well have two regular one-boot episodes IMO.

garblue: I never thought of that. Is this the first season where there was a double boot and a recap? Vanuatu, Palau, and Guatemala all had double boots, and I don't think any of them had a recap.

teenytiny83: Ozzy is the new Rupert. He doesnt have a storyline beyond the fishing thing.

growsonwalls: Wow this recrap was really that: a recrap. Not nearly as good as last year's.

SurvivorFan429: Only person we heard more out of was Rebecca and to a smaller extent Candice and Adam. The rest were ignored, and the usual suspects were featured (Cao Boi, Jonathan, Yul, Nate, Parvati).

terrysucks: I watched Ugly Betty instead.

Sunshine8503: Me, too!

notremojo: Every other thing was about STEPHANNIE?? Are you kidding me CBS??

Phantom Nut Syndrome: LAME, this season sucks, why extend it by a week? Bastards.

fat chubber: Yes, but we got an even better look at Adumb's blinding stupidity. Seriously, he was looking in the fucking plant for the hidden idol.

bluelaker: I WAS SO BORED WATCHING THIS SHIT I WAS STICKING PENCILES IN MY EYE.. WHAT LAME GARBAGE..

boredmale: They should have not had the double tribal council last week if they going to show shit like this. Why is this recap so early into the season.

The Marquesan Godfather: Oh, this recap did suck. I haven't looked at any spoilers, but basically, every episode, the boot has been easy to figure out, and now we had to sit through them again. So lame.

willsucks402: I was all excited to get off of work and watch my tape of the show. Then i see it was a recap??? FUCBS .

Syoma: Nothing interesting on this recap. It's already a recap and still.. Lots of them are Darrah Johnsoned.

cabanachat: Worst. Recrap. EVER.

motivational poster by notremojo

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Episode 5: Intrepid Explorers & Doing The Mashed Potato

Previously,

motivational poster by Mateui

Episode 5

One of the more interesting things to occur on Survivor in recent memory was this episode's visit by Cao Boi, Ozzy and Flicka to Raro's camp.

First, the "dancing" by Candice and Sundra to avoid the journey was mildly amusing.

motivational poster by NIGHTCRAWLER

Ultimately, tho, those two women missed a golden opportunity to infiltrate the mad hatters' group and find out what, if anything, is going on with them.

Arriving on the island gave Ozzy the chance to tell the viewers what he thinks of them:

motivational poster by peasprouts

It was the visit itself, however, that inspired KaizerSozeLives to start a thread entitled, "I thought they weren't allowed to invade the other tribe..." He reprinted info from Wikipedia, which advises,

"Tribe members may not raid or visit the campsite of another tribe unless they are doing so as part of an immunity challenge, reward challenge or tribal merger activity with the other tribe. They also cannot visit the TV crew compound."

The entry lists the five times a contestant has been allowed to tread on forbidden ground, including Mike Skupin's rescue in Outback and Guatemala's visit by one tribe to another to invite them for chocolate and a dip in the pool. Also listed? The Aitu visit to Raro. That's pretty quick updating.

Survivor300: "Cao Boi really screwed things up for himself. I did think that going to the other camp brought something different to the show."

Pink Karnation: "Why didn't any of them have the balls to tell Cao Boi to shut the fuck up?

motivational poster by KaizerSozeLives

KaizerSozeLives: "Not that I'm realy complaining - Cao Boi's incessant blabbering was hilarious. And then he asks for spices too, what a jackass. But has anyone heard anything regarding this rule? Seems like the producers would tell them where they were and weren't allowed to go. Makes me wonder if we'll see more of this sort of thing in the future, which might be cool."

love me or leave me: "I have a feeling it's being 'allowed' sometimes now to help spice up an episode and give a little more "action." I wouldn't even be surprised if production sort of encouraged it. But the survivors are probably well aware of that and know it wouldn't be allowed more than one "accidental" time."

sir debb eaton hogg: "It could be because it was an honest mistake, i.e. these three dimwits had no idea the island was already inhabited. But given that, wouldn't you want to leave if you were greeted the way Cowboy, Flicker and Oz were?"

motivational poster by smokeitgood

WylDawg: "I thought the contestants from every season knew where the other tribes were located and thus had to stay away from there. But in Guatemala, they clearly showed us that you're allowed to visit the other tribe I guess."

NIGHTCRAWLER: "They obviously had cameramen and production crew with them. I don't think that they were TOLD that the other tribe was there, but they weren't stopped from going there either. They thought it would make good TV. They were partly correct."

Francois40: "I thought for sure they'd get in trouble somehow. It may have been an accident that they landed on Raro's island, but Flica, an ex-Raro, surely recognized the path to camp before they actually popped in on them. I expected them to say, "Oh Shit!" and make haste getting out, NOT pop in for tea and crumpets."

PoChop: "I doubt Flicka would even remember the name of her previous tribe."

Mateui: "If they weren't violating a rule, they might as well have waited until Raro fell asleep, and then started raiding the camp. Now that would have been awesome TV."

KaizerSozeLives: "That's what I was thinking - after they get back to camp and realize that they didn't get in trouble, would they consider going back for a night-time raid or something? It would totally freak the other tribe out, especially if you came in screaming and howling. The other tribe would be put totally off-balance for the challenge the next day. Would be hilarious to watch."

WylDawg: "I'm pretty sure someone would wake up if they raided the camps. The sleeping conditions are horrible so it just makes that much easier to wake up. And seeing as the other tribe is miles away, you have to wonder if it's worth hiking/canoeing there in the middle of the night just to get caught 30 seconds after you arrive at their camp."

peasprouts: "Now watch, the evolution of this is that in season 14, both tribes will send out scouts to locate each other's camps and perform night stealth raids. Eventually, someone's gonna get killed."


BECKY

Speaking of people getting killed, what the hell happened to Becky this episode?

motivational poster by NIGHTCRAWLER

ADAM

This episode marks the true debut of Adam (aka "Adumb"); not that it was meaningful but it was double the amount of facetime he'd had in the first 4 episodes put together. Italian Dudeps started a thread (and it didn't get locked!) asking what everyone thinks of Adam now.

motivational poster by jppuertorico85

yelluwskys: "Actually I kinda like him. He's becoming the core player in the team…"

ManWhore019: "Still a douchebag."

PussInBuutz: "Hated him."

pjadedd: "I did like his 'I thought Cristina knew she was a bitch' line."

erickman: "I like how he fishes: just walks around and fish wrap around him."

motivational poster by notremojo

ItalianDudeps: "I think he makes jury now, to be honest."

ShiverMeTimbers: "Actually he didn't bother me this episode. He had a right to be pissed about the octopus mishap. And he and Nate toughed out that challenge, good for them."

Mega64: "He actually suggested sending back to EI someone who's previously been to EI. Where the hell did that come from? He's probably the dumbest person there, yet he's also the only one smart enough to realize this limits the potential candidates holding the HII. I don't know what to think. Is he a meathead or is he just playing really really dumb?"

NIGHTCRAWLER: "He's whiny and delusional."

Francois40: "Seems like the usual 'bump in airtime before the boot' syndrome to me."

MidnightPrince: "His lips were made for sucking. That's all that matters. I wouldn't mind having his lips wrapped around my dick. So he's useful for something. I'd make him swallow too because he's such a bitch."

sunsawed: "Man candy. NEXT."


STEPHANNIE

When a contestant departs, his or her picture at Sucks is replaced with an image specially chosen for its aptness. For example, Sekou, being a jazz musician and a cartoonish character, is now depicted by Bleeding Gums Murphy from The Simpsons. Choosing a picture for Stephannie didn't take long.

motivational poster by notremojo

No, she's not represented by that picture. Stephannie is represented by a bowl of Mashed Potatoes.

motivational poster by notremojo

You betcha!!

vidcap by smokeitgood

This week's Blog title is linked to drinkinghotchocolate's thread asking, "Is that the first time someone got booted over a vegetable?" It's another 3-page shlep down memory lane, something the Sucksters do with increasing glee and frequency. I'm afraid this season is just not living up to expectations. It needs a major kick in the teeth. Maybe we're about to get it:

motivational poster by notremojo

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Episode 4: "Awesome Season. Isn't It?"

This week, many threads currently on the front page of Sucks involve past seasons, former Survivors or ourselves: Ghostnics Love Thread, Former Survivors Chain Letter and Biggest Betrayals in Survivor History.

Threads dealing with this season? Well, Who Is Adumb? isn't the only option. There is Mega64's "JP sucked at challenges and pissed everyone off." Here are some excerpts:

Mega64: "So how exactly was voting him off a bad thing? Now they'll get along more and won't have McFairyFuckface holding them back with his subpar swimming skills and lazy diva attitude. I'm just saying that getting rid of him isn't going to ruin Raro. He wasn't like fucking Rupert or Ozzy or anything. He's probably the weakest guy in the tribe anyway and probably weakest overall besides Cao Boi.

This is more of a "Why the fuck is everyone claiming voting off JP was a bad move?" thread than a "JP is an annoying prick and I want to smack him over the head with a 2x4" thread.

James Barber: "It's not so much he was a powerhouse for the tribe as there were some very weak links on the tribe (many of the women) who aren't good at challenges. JP gave more of an edge, and now they're minus him, they still have their weaker players, the other tribe still has 3 strong guys, and stronger women than Raro has."

Mega64: "They have Brad, Adam, and Nate. Those three would still run circles around Jonathan, Yul, and Ozzy (except for swimming, which they're fucked with or without JP as he proved tonight). And it's not like the rest of Aitu is any stronger either, with fucking Cao Boi and Flicka being the next strongest people. Yeah, they could definitely afford to ditch JP. Tribal unity's much more important than strength, as bickering tribes 9/10 times lose no matter how strong they are (Casaya being the exception)."

James Barber: "Remember Pearl Islands, when even though Burton wasn't the strongest man on Drake, they kept losing challenges after he was voted out."

Mega64: "I'd say that's more because they finally let Morgan win a challenge and thus gather momentem and a winning spirit to start creaming Drake. Morgan was a complete shithole until Drake threw that challenge. Burton probably wouldn't have stopped Morgan after they began their streak. Plus at that point they were much more unified since Andrew finally got rid of all the people that questioned his horrible leadership.

And let's not forget tribes like Maraamu, Boran in the beginning, Sook Jai, and of course Ulong. Brawns are useless if your tribe hates each other. It's much better to get rid of someone that's harming tribal unity, like JP was, in order to keep your tribe's bond strong. Because what good is strength if you don't have the desire to use it?"

AMAI: "Oh, good points, Mega64. I think a similar sentiment was part of the motivation for Ozzy to ask Aitu tribe to throw the challenge to boot Billy. It happened early enough that they didn't have the momentum built up. He also didn't know how long the game would continue in these original tribes. Even if you are a student of the entire 12 previous seasons, one thing you know is that you cannot count on what has happened before, happening again. Look at Palau, where they kept expecting a merge, and it never came."

UrbanEnzyme: "The only people that were smart in voting off JP were Stephannie as it was either gonna be him or her, and Rebecca and Jenny, as JP has said that they were to be targeted had Stephannie not been a dumb bitch about losing. Why Cristina jumped at the chance to vote off her only ally is beyond me."

AMAI: "How was JP Cristina's ally? Just because they both came from the original Hispanic tribe doesn't mean they were true allies. They disagreed about throwing the challenge for Billy's boot. Even after learning about the extent of Billy's delusion, Cristina still didn't seem to care for JP.

I think part of the point of this season is that just because you originally came from the same ethnicity and the same original tribe, is not automatically a guarantee that you will feel you have a stronger bond than a bond you form with new people. Whether the alliances are gender based (the Raro women and men), ethnicity-based (Becky & Yul both Koreans) or shared kookiness (Flicka and Cao Boi), original tribal alliances should not be viewed as guaranteeing an ally. There is nothing that says one OUGHT to be loyal to the original tribe, when that's the only bond there is."


The season is a good one, it's just taking time to get going. Will Ethnicity have a bearing? Should it? The Ethnicity Factor may appear to have been diluted to the point of irrelevancy, but even when it's the same-old, same-old alliances and numbers, the Photochoppers and Motivational Poster posters never seem to tire of their fun. This week's set focuses on strategy.

Parvati's Strategy

by WylDawg

Ozzy's Strategy

by notremojo

AMAI: "He'll either kill himself or make it to the Final Four."


Candice's Strategy

by ShiverMeTimbers

AnomyBC: "I think she was missing the point with acting dumb there. She should have been trying to convince her tribe that she was loyal to them, not that she was a retard."


JP's Strategy

Three people took the same vidcap and made a different Motivational Poster to talk about the dearly departed JP.

by notremojo

by Mateui

by PrettyGoodYear1988

AMAI: "Speaking of bossing Brad around... this animation by Pencake is not safe for work but it might explain why Brad voted to boot JP. He just couldn't take being told CONSTANTLY what to do."



A "CAPTION THIS" GAME

One of this week's Feature Threads is CAPTION THIS: ARMPITS. tutorial posted a vidcap, and invited everyone to supply ideas for a caption to accompany it.


Here are some of the responses:

tutorial: "Sundra: 'I realized that I have BO.'"

UrbanCenter: "Sundra: 'How did my vagina get up here?'"

waddadouche: "Uh, maybe the immunity idol is over here in exile armpit, uh huh, uh huh."

Will: "Sundra: 'My favorite American Idol is Constantine. Can you tell?'"

Pink Karnation: "Smells like fish but it tastes like chicken."

Sigvold: "The Cook Islands: The Armpit of the South Pacific"

beatles20147: "Sundra: Sniffing my armpits will be worth it if I can actually get some airtime for once.'"

Think you can do better? Come over to the board and prove it. Click the title of this week's Blog to go directly to the thread.


To conclude this week's edition of Survivor Sucks The Blog, AmberKnecht has a little remedial math lesson on FRACTIONS:

First, for new-Raro men: 4/9 is less than 5/9
If you're comfortable because the four of you are "solid," perhaps you should get a tiny refresher course on this little nugget: four is not more than half of nine.

Next, for Brad: "95% of the time" is less than "always"
When you say "95% of the time, my gut is always right," I begin to worry if you're the love child of Lex and Yogi Berra. As everyone knows, 95% of the time, "always" always means "100% of the time."

And finally, for Ozzy: 9/11 is less than 1.
When you say, "Today, we caught 11 fish. I caught 9 of them. I'm happy to be the sole provider," "sole" had better be the KIND of fish you caught. Trust me; I checked this with Michael Bolton. (No one's gonna get that joke, but screw it; it makes me smile.)

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Episode 3: Recycled Challenges & Blossoming Hate

EPISODE 3

image by notremojo

beatles20147:
"With Cecilia leaving, we've lost the first hottie of the season...so let's get ready for a Guatemala-style systematic elimination of boring babes. (I'd say that Candice is leaving but the promo leads me to believe that the new Raro goes to TC, so I guess it's Parvati.)

This was a pretty kickass ep, the season has drastically improved with each passing episode, but I get the feeling that this week was the peak, at least for a while. One challenge an episode is the best decision they've made since casting Kelly Goldsmith.

There's still something off about this season. I read a comment earlier tonight that was completely accurate; in the show's 13 seasons, this cast by far is the most aware that they're on TV. Jonathan seems like a nice guy, but come on, his confessionals are some of the most over-the-top in the show's history (frankly, Jeff Varner had the overall best confessionals ever in that they were extremely entertaining but they seemed natural).

And recycled or not, I love this challenge. It was better in Palau, where it lasted longer and winded more people (and there was some Tomination), but hey, still my all-time favorite challenge. They should have done it when they had four tribes though, that would have been even more entertaining.

Finally, I'd like to send a message to NBC: move Earl and The Office already! It's getting creamed by Survivor and Ugly Betty. Survivor and The Office are my two favorite shows ever, so it pains me every week to know that I can't watch both of them when they're on."


TRIBE SWAP

image by jppuertorico85

samsgap:
"I feel like the agenda for dividing tribes by race was purely publicity. The re-shuffle within just a few days (after only 2 TCs) speaks volumes. Social experiment...ho hum!! I know it's Survivor and we have come to expect twists, but I've also learned that most of the time the twists aren't all they appear to be, and after all, it is just a TV show!

But enough already with recruiting players, most of whom have no or very little grasp of the concept of the game.

And it's not even as if no one applies and therefore EPMB has no choice but to recruit players. You just can't tell me that of all the applicants, he could not have filled Cook Islands with 20 interesting players who WANTED to be there AND could have made for some good TV.

Instead we get to watch things like Flicka stating she just wants to hang out and make some friends. No strategy whatsoever. Not even aware enough to keep herself UTR in order to fulfill her own reasons for being there. And Ozzy, JP, et al by so BLATANTLY throwing the challenge. (I know & agree Billy HAD to GO and was potentially a huge liability.) So take him out, throw the challenge, but at least attempt to look as if you are playing for the win. A-C-T-I-N-G!! to keep yourself in the game!

And not to change the subject, but why didn't EPMB give Candice any "face-time" on Exile Island??!! Gee, ya' think she found the II with the third clue?? Oh yea, Yul has it!! Oh yea, yawn!!

The worst part is, I can't stop watching!! lol!! It is some sort of demented comedy, I mean, c'mon: Billy, JP's eyerolls, and CaoBoi and the Bad Winds. Proven material for countless and seemingly endless threads. That's my favorite part about Survivor: no matter which way the Bad Winds blow, I can always count on being amused!!!"



Speaking of amusing things...
HOW ABOUT THAT IMMUNITY CHALLENGE:

image by notremojo

Recycled Palau Challenge Depreciation
threadstarter: elinorrigby

elinorrigby: "Seriously, WTF was that bullshit??? Palau just came out on DVD, no need to show us that no woman on Cook Island comes close to being Stephenie!!! GAWD yet another reason to boycott this farce!!!!!"

Piranahahaha: "I didn't like seeing a recycled challenge, either, but you have to admit it's one of the better challenges they've come up with."

elinorrigby: "No it's stupid ... boring ass walk around in circles challenge!! Where the hell is the nasty food challenge????????"

AMAI: "LOL, Elinor. So you're just upset about which challenge they're recycling?"

Mega64: "That was a great challenge, but this iteration just sucked. It should probably not be used again. Palau's was a classic, but this cheapened the reputation of one of the few great challenges in Survivor history."

beatles20147: "Eli, it's the best challenge ever; it should be in every season! There aren't too many decent group endurance challenges and this one is perfect. It wasn't as great as Palau's since it was shorter and none of them seemed to be dead tired but still going on like in Palau but still, I was glad to see it again."

managerr: "The teams were way too lopsided strength-wise for this challenge to be interesting."

Scruffy Guy: "At least they added a TACKLE and not just a TOUCH, as it was in Palau. Still, it was boring. Doesn't look as torturous on TV as it actually is. The viewers need to see more PAIN and suffering. Just IMAGINING it doesn't do much for me."

KerryAhn: "I love this challenge. First for the cool aerial, water shots of the two teams, as mentioned last page, and secondly because I think it really is an all-around challenge, not just who's stronger.

In Palau, more than last night, there was some strategy involved. As I remember, Ian/Tom would quicken the pace through the shallow part, slow down through the deep part. Good strategy.

If I had been on the 'weak' team last night, I would have realized that there was no way to win a long, slow walk contest and I would have immediately ditched the weaklings, loaded up Yul, Ozzy, Jon and Cao Boi, and made it a sprint. Element of surprise plus a chance that weak ones on the strong team would slow down the strong ones. Play it out quick while you still have energy and hope for the best. Weak team did not play it right last night."

DogmaticAtheist: "Actually, in an interview with Cece, Yul planned exactly what you just mentioned, KerryAhn. But when the women left, the other team did the exact same thing."

Fawn Leibowitz: "You know ol' Tom was at home watching this, yelling at the TV, "I carried 80 lbs. You WEAKLINGS!"

Sunshine: "Elin, what were you doing watching the show? Thought you were boycotting."

Elinorrigby: "I am boycotting (in my own special way)!!!"



ABOUT PARVATI

image by PrettyGoodYear1988

Nuclear snake: Well first off you should be at the very least cute if you want to get anywhere flirting. She's butt-ugly. Second, she should have scoped out the tribe first. Flirting isn't a great strategy when two of the four men are gay.

NIGHTCRAWLER: I'm lovin' the sudden Parvati hatred. See? I told you!!! She's NOT cute! She's NOT seductive! She flirts like an autistic blind girl! Flicka didn't come across as too smart tonight either, but Parvati looked like a total 'tard!!

Which brings us to this week's

POINT/COUNTERPOINT featuring NIGHTCRAWLER and AMAI

NIGHTCRAWLER: "Parvati. How Do I Hate You? Let Me Count The Ways. Wow - after all the buildup for the racial division, tonight's episode seemed - well - unshocking! After a mere week …
AMAI: "Two weeks…"

NIGHTCRAWLER: "Okay, two weeks, of EXTREME RACIAL TENSION, the Probster jumbled up the segregated tribes of four into a 'melting pot' of 2 tribes. It was quite humorous to see how the cast members tried to adjust to this mixup. J.P. and Brad instantly start being gay. They're so gonna be a secret alliance! They must be confused as to what Jeff means when he says, "Alliances always screw each other over."

photochop by Phuz1

AMAI: "Maybe it means they're gonna see some action, which means we're gonna see some action. About time! EPMB is totally doing this season for Sucks."

NIGHTCRAWLER: "Then, when it's time for Flicka to choose the next member of their tribe, she calls on Sundra referring to her as 'the sista on the end.' Classy, Jess. I'm trying to cheer for you, but you're making it SO hard. Please just stop talking and move forward with seeming like you'd be fun to hang around."

AMAI: "I think Flicka would have you pleading to be allowed to hang out with Parvati more quickly than you realize. Flicka would feel manipulated if asked if she'd like ham or cheese on her sandwich."

NIGHTCRAWLER: "Possibly. We also had a chance to see CeCe reveal the insanity of Billy to Candice. I loved the look on Candice's face when she learned that Billy had been stalking her for a week. They should've inserted a little sound clip that whispered "Obsession......by Billy Garcia." Oh, and was I the only guy watching who wanted to see Candice and CeCe start making out in that scene? Ratings missed, MB."

AMAI: "Poor Candice. Didn't you see her look of sadness when Jif pointed out that Billy had been booted? I thought she did a superb job of hiding her desolation. Maybe Candice's allies voted out Cecilia to punish her for being so gleeful when she reported Billy's delusional infatuation."



NIGHTCRAWLER: "Speaking of people 'not making out,' what the hell is up with Parvati? Not only does she look like Francis the Talking Mule...but she went on and on about how she was going to resort to her excellent flirting skills in order to help her get far in the game. She proceeded to "flirt" and was then ignored by all of the guys. Yeah, great strategy, Parcheesi! Use flirting as your weapon when you're on a tribe with 2 gay guys, a pedophile and Nate, who seems to just be oblivious to everyone! 'That's a lot of meat,' she mumbled to Nate, while rubbing herself against a tree. God what I wouldn't have given for her to have tripped and fallen flat on her face, just like Jamie Lee Curtis did in True Lies when she was trying to dance seductively for Arnold. Parvati, dear, if you're going to try to get far by flirting, you might want to make certain that you CAN in fact flirt. Also, verify that you are attractive."

AMAI: "Poor Parvati. The only guys her charms MIGHT have worked on are on the other tribe. Parvati might be attractive if she'd shut her gigantic mouth. She looks like she could swallow all those guys' dicks at once. Poor Nate. He looks like his dick doesn't work. But if you want unattractive, then take a close look at Flicka's empty-headed butterface."

NIGHTCRAWLER: "Asian Jesus continues to get the positive edit tonight, and now he's pulled in his Taiwanian Mary Magdelene. Yul and Becky will go far in this game! They will make it to the Final 6, I bet!"

AMAI: "Don't get too excited, there, NC. Yul stupidly trusted Becky with the information about the HII, and she'll probably blab the info to someone and he'll be targeted, then booted."

NIGHTCRAWLER: "I'm hoping that Flicka makes it to the end...and then reveals that her recent stupidity was just a trick."

AMAI: "No way! You're a Flicka Fan? OMG! What if her stupidity is for real? You are condemning us to have to look at that face. She looks like a stack of pancakes was dropped on a busy hair salon floor. I'm trying to assimilate Flicka but she is just so very indigestible. There's no 'there' there."

NIGHTCRAWLER: "If her stupidity is real, then I'll just make more jokes about her. It appears that next week, Cao Boi impales a seagull with a spear, and then knocks its babies out of the nest. Bastard!!! One can only hope that we get to hear another one of his incoherent political speeches that no one is really ever listening to."

AMAI: "Fresh balute. Good source of protein. It's food, and if you're allowed to eat it, you eat it! And what do you mean, speeches no one listens to? Everyone listens, but then reports a different view. I think he's going to be around for awhile."

NIGHTCRAWLER: "This week's "PHANTOMS" = Cristina and Jenny. Are they even really on the show? I never see them! I never hear them! You could replace them with life-sized cardboard cutouts bearing their image, and everyone would be none-the-wiser!! WTF?! At least make SOMETHING out of your 15 minutes of fame and SPEAK!!!"

AMAI: "Jenny might be the Darrah. She's that fucking quiet. Next to no importance to the story, as in, doesn't make things happen, but does her share of work and doesn't get in the line of fire. Cristina is this year's female cop, who after braving the mean streets of South Central L.A., or wherever it is she's from, is now braving the elements and will eventually land herself a nice vacation in Costa Rica or El Salvador or some other Central American slum with high-priced resort villages where she'll try to relax with the rest of the non-jurors. Good thing she's used to dodging bullets. I wish Flicka were more of a phantom."


SPEAKING OF PHANTOMS...

image by jppuertorico85

ABOUT THE ASIANS

photochop by Pink Karnation

Wc3Fanatic: I think it's interesting to note that the Insider Clips had very useful information regarding the Candice/Becky/Yul/Jonathan alliance and how Becky has been working to save herself. I won't post in case they're regarded as spoilers, but I will say that editing, which gave Becky 0 confessionals, did her no justice, because she had some great insights on the insider.

Becky and Yul seem to be so solid.

I think Yul telling Becky about the idol right away was a good move to instill even more trust. Had Yul told her a few weeks later, or when he was booted, then she might be wary of him. However, had Becky gotten the most votes last TC, it would've been very stupid of Yul to use the Idol: he's too much of a good competitor that he can't be voted out by his tribe anyways, and he would always be targeted before Becky post-merge.

Right now, out of everyone post-merge on Aitu (because we can't tell what's going on at Raro, other than Parvati flirting), Becky has been playing game the most, followed by Jonathan, then Candice, then Yul via Becky. Great to see that they're in an alliance!


Ichiro20: "There's no doubt in my mind that the ASIANOWANGE will continue on for generations of Survivor. With the popularity of the Asian tribe (Yul, Cao Boi, and Becky are top 3 in popularity at CBS.com), I assume that if Burnett wants the show to stay free of cancellation, they will at least have half of the contestants next season Asian instead of the usual tan blonde/brunette models. The only other contestant worthy of any ownage is Alan Alda... I mean Jonathan."

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