Sea of Islands

Dancing With The Stars 4: Finale

2007-05-26T20:25:00.000-04:00

"After 10 Weeks, we're down to 3 stars. Who will impress the judges and win your votes? LIIIIIIIIIIIVE It's Dancing… With The Stars."

I admit I'm kind of excited and hopeful that all three couples WILL pull out the stops and wow us with every routine. But blimey, Tom is going to have a heart attack if he doesn't calm down. Joey & Kym emerge first, followed by Laila & Maksim with Apolo & Julianne bringing up the rear. I'm fairly sure the producers know who has the winning totals and let's not kid ourselves that tomorrow night's last dance is going to make any difference to the scores. Tonight is the Night!

They're wearing their costumes for their first dance. Julianne's looks like something Christina Aguilera would wear for the middle portion of her act. It's a white boudoir sort of outfit, perfect for getting ready for bed. Laila is in red sparkles and Kym has on a bathing sarong.

The Judges' Round is first, and the dance appears to be a consensus of all three judges, rather than a different judge choosing for each couple like on AI. The freestyle round follows, and, ooh la la! There are no rules.

Laila & Maks lead off. During the rehearsal segment, Laila says she isn't a fan of being thrown in the air. She's a big girl who just doesn't trust her partner that much! Maks doesn't exactly seem capable of handling her. She is so much woman. At the judges' request they're to re-dance the Paso Doble. Laila reminds us they got 7s last time, so they definitely have room to improve.

She starts on the floor; he's the bullfighter above her. He walks away momentarily to remove his jacket and fling it away, revealing a red shirt the same color as her dress. The music is more bullfighteresque than I remember them choosing last time, and the crowd claps along, getting in the spirit. During the mid-portion they're meant to be dancing synchronously but in my view they aren't quite in time with each other.

AMAI: "It's better than before, but fabulous? Sadly, no."
MG: "Not as dramatic as the music would suggest."
AMAI: "I didn't like it all that much."
MG: "Just ok."
AMAI: "Yes. 'Ok' but not thrilling."
MG: "3. Laila."

Jerry Springer is in the house!

Len: "Last time we felt it lacked passion, fire & aggression. Not tonight. That was fantastic. I thought you danced beautifully. One or two leg things, tho."
Bruno as usual goes bonkers: "Dripping with emotion! Your best to date as an actress."
Carrie Ann lists all sorts of things that were better this time. "Bottom line: a big improvement."

Scores: 10, 9, 10. 29/30. Wow. Those scores were a little on the high side, I thought.

Apolo & Julianne re-dance the Rumba. They intend to go slower this time. "No chair," says Julianne. Apolo is mostly looking forward to the freestyle routine. Julianne explains she brought in a guy named Flips to teach them some break-dancing moves, which they'll incorporate into said freestyle. Flips demonstrates some of his skills and he's really good. We watch Apolo practice standing on one hand. Then they work on their rumba. Apolo complains it seems more difficult and Julianne says it's because she's teaching him more advanced moves.

They dance their rumba to Last Train To Georgia. I find that this dance is usually too stylized and boring, but Apolo & Julianne's routine works, especially with a song that helps tell the story.

MG: "WTF is she wearing?"
AMAI: "It's like a boudoir outfit, isn't it?"
MG: "Yes. Like for a Mrs. Robinson type. 2. Apolo 2. Laila. Did you like that?"
AMAI: "I quite liked it. A bit more than Laila's, anyway. 1. Apolo, 2 Laila."
MG: "Sub-par for their abilities, in my opinion."

Bruno: "American Gigolo and Baby Doll. Teasing and blending into each other's arms." That might be a 10 from him because he sounds pretty enthusiastic.
Carrie Ann wasn't overwhelmed. She takes issue with them over-performing it albeit by "just a hair." Host Tom suggests that Len will be the tie-breaker, but Len says there is no tie. Len doesn’t always get it, does he?
Len: "Not a tiebreaker. Lacked any romance."
Bruno takes issue: "They made love on the dance floor." (He moves his chair away from Len's to illustrate how much he disagrees.)
Len tries to resume his commentary but Bruno won't stop arguing. Poor Len is exasperated: "I cannot talk without Big Gob here ..." Bruno keeps yapping until finally Tom steps in and asks him to let Len speak his piece.
Len: "That was too hectic and too fast. It's supposed to be romantic."
Tom: "Well, I don't even smoke and I wanted a cigarette."

Sounds like one 10 and two 9s to me and indeed those are the scores, for a total of 28/30.

Joey & Kym reprise the Cha Cha for the judges. Joey was nervous about making it to the final 3. He says they're doing three dances but it's not until later I realize each couple performs two dances tonight and one more on Tuesday. Their rehearsal footage is mostly about how Joey is exhausted but Kym is going to push him.

The performance begins (and ends) with a 'puppet on a string' business, where Joey is the puppetmaster operating Kym, the marionette. The song is Groove is in the Heart, which is a bit surprising; I thought they would use music that referenced the puppet idea. It's definitely one of those routines you just cannot stop watching but it's hard to discern which part is cha cha.

MG: "I was enthralled by the puppet show."
AMAI: "Lol. It was cute. But it wasn't the cha cha. There were too many cute tricks. Half-way through I was wondering what happened to the cha cha."
MG: "I liked it. I agree it wasn't the cha cha, but it was cute. 1. Joey. 2. Laila/Apolo."
AMAI: "They should have saved that material for their freestyle routine."
MG: "Yes, I agree."
AMAI: "I put Apolo ahead of Joey, but both of them definitely ahead of Laila."

Carrie Ann agrees with me that it felt like a freestyle routine: "It was not quite right for a cha cha." Len complains it was "far too theatrical" and there wasn't enough content. "The more tricks you do, the further you go from the dance." Bruno: "For once I agree with them. Not enough Cha Cha. More like Cha."

The scores reflect the comments: 9, 8, 9. Total: 26/30.

There's time to fill so Samantha interviews the couples post-round 1. Everyone is ready to bring the razzle-dazzle.

Laila & Maks Feestyle. The announcer says they're doing the Paso Doble but that was the last round. Maks wears black pants and white shirt, Laila chose sparkly tassel-covered shorts and halter top. And sneakers. And gloves. Rather bizarre ensemble. It's a cute routine, but it does not set the stage on fire. At the end she rips his shirt off and even that doesn't go smoothly.

MG: "Not good enough. Too sloppy."
AMAI: "It's nice - for week 1!"
MG: "Those shoes were fucking horrendous."
AMAI: "Reminds me of Clompy's outfits. She wore them for comfort reasons I guess. Remember, Laila has bad knees."
MG: "I just didn't like that one too much."
AMAI: "Agreed. Very weak for a freestyle."
MG: "VERY."

Carrie Ann loved the moves, what she called the "Michael Jackson" but she wanted to see more sophistication and elegance. Len points out that although Maks has a fine body, he's no Arnold. "Your strength is elegance and sophistication." Bruno appreciates "a bit of striptease" but basically agrees with the other two: "Your strength is sexuality and sensuality." Laila points out that they were trying to do something different. The trouble is that the routine was an attempt to go head to head with the other two couples, instead of working with the strength that Laila already has, which the other two couples don't really have.

Anyway, the scores are 9, 8, 9, which is 26 for the round and a total of 55/60 for the evening.

Apolo & Julianne: Freesyle. He puts on a tape and whistles for her to join him. Or something. The song is Bust a Move. They're in matching outfits of white pants and black shirts. At one point the pull their headbands over their eyes and dance for a moment. Other than that moment, they have great synchronicity and execute a number of intricate gymnastic-style moves very well. It's quite an adorable routine.

MG: "That was very strong. I liked it. "
AMAI: "Me too."
MG: "1. Apolo, 3. Laila. I am predicting the future."
AMAI: "lol"

Len is excited and calls it "Everything I want to see in a freestyle." Bruno doesn't get out much if he thinks that was original but he agrees with Len that that's what a freestyle should be. Carrie Ann just calls them over for a hug. She loves this couple. The receive three 10s for a perfect 30, giving them 58/60 for the night.

For Joey & Kym's last dance, they're start out both in black. Her dress is velvet, his is a suit. But then, they rip those outfits off to reveal her silver sparkly shorts and his gold suit. The routine is bouncy and full of tricks. He jumps over her.

MG: "1. Joey. It's not even over yet."

Joey whirls Kim around and around. And around again. It's like a ballet routine. She leaps onto his shoulder and ends upside down on his arm. It's amazing!

AMAI: "That was good, wasn't it?"
MG: "Awesome. 1. Joey, 2. Apolo, 3. Laila."
AMAI: "Yes, actually. Joey & Kym were just ahead of Apolo on that routine."

Bruno: "Mr. Entertainment is back. A hit parade of dance."
Carrie Ann: "I love that you brought all you learned and incorporated it into that dance."
Len: "You flew off that stage like Harry Potter on a nimbus 2000. The secret of a lift is getting into it and out of it. Wish we had more than a 10 to give."

They also earn 30/30 for their freestyle, giving them 56/60 for their two dances.

AMAI: "I think that could be how it ends, too. Joey, Apolo, Laila."
MG: "After just now, yes, but all season it has seemed like Apolo would win, so I think he still has a shot."
AMAI: "Well… it depends on the voter demographics. I liked Apolo all season."
MG: "I think the voters prefer Apolo too."
AMAI: "I don't know if the break-dancing was enough to beat Joey's. I want Apolo to win. I'm concerned that the routines weren't enough to win."
MG: "I wouldn't worry about it, AMAI. I think Apolo has the public on his side, and Joey was incredible tonight."
AMAI: "He was."
MG: "But many people will look at the season overall."
AMAI: "I don't know how close it is, really."
MG: "I will be happy no matter who wins, actually. It's the right final 3, unlike AI."
AMAI: "True. It is the right final 3."

Tuesday Night Results

The three couples shall perform one last dance. But first there is recap, first of "last night," then of the series itself. It's fun to watch since I did not see any of the previous seasons. The loser pros dance. I've got to say I don't enjoy the pro-only dancing as much as the dancing with one pro, one celebrity. Then there's more recap, of what I don't know since I've taken sketchy notes.

Finally it's time for the last dance. As it turns out, this much vaunted last dance is really just an opportunity to showcase each couple, having left it to them to choose which of their previous dances to perform. Apolo & Julianne decide to go with a proven winner, which means another round of their magnificent Paso Doble. I love this dance so much. It starts off well: the trick with her skirt, his Russian moves on bended knees, her run and fall into splits. Some of the timing towards the end isn't quite as fabulous as last time and the worst thing is, it is over so soon. It is such a marvelous dance.

The judges are full of praise, with not a bad word to say about anything. The scores are perfect 10s and that's when I start to wonder whether, barring a really obvious faux pas, this dance is going to truly count.

Joey & Kym go with their Star Wars themed Tango. Not one of my favorites of theirs, I admit. They hope to improve on the 8s they got last time. The tango to this song seems wrong. I'm laughing at Joey trying to keep his butt in. He's so intent on what he's doing. His butt is in, it's true, but the rest of his body looks like a sack of potatoes. I'd say that wasn't a good choice, but it's not up to me. The judges go nuts with approval and the scores are once again perfect 10s across the board.

Laila and Maks discuss their dance options. She doesn't want to reprise the Samba, even though they earned perfect scores last time. They decide to improve their mambo. It's a really lovely routine without the rather awkward butterfly move that I think they used last time. Although I enjoyed their dance very much, there isn't more to say than that. They should get 10s too. After all, they never fell down! Sure enough, they receive three 10s. I actually agree with Carrie Ann, who said that the mambo is the dance that represents Laila.

With the extra 30 points apiece, the leaderboard stands at Apolo in first place with 88, Joey in second place with 86 and Laila close behind with 85.

There are still 45 minutes or so left in this finale. Man! So it's time for a segment about all the people who are supportive of and cheering for the 3 finalist celebrities. It's actually tough to pick someone to leave, since they've all got strengths & weaknesses. On the basis of performance quality over the season, Apolo and Joey should be the final 2, but I'm still stupidly hoping it will be Laila and Apolo.

And with that, it is time to eliminate the next couple. Drum rolls! Moments of silence and the lowest overall total belongs to… Laila and Maks. Oh, well.

Laila is hilarious in her parting speech. For several moments, she refuses to come down from the top of the stage to stand beside Tom and give her good-bye speech. She finally does, of course and gives the usual "I had so much fun." Laila is nothing if not forthright! "Of course," she adds."I'm pissed I didn't win." Crowd erupts in laughter. The three couples hand each other compliments, reviewing the journey through the competition. Laila concludes that both Joey & Apolo are great. "It doesn't mean anything who wins, especially because I didn't." It's actually one of the more honest elimination speeches!

After ads, there are interviews with the two finalists. Then the first four eliminated couples are introduced by name and we're told they will take it in turn to dance a small segment. Ah Paulina, it's such a shame that you didn't last longer. Samantha is also getting tired, because she introduces the rest of the losers as "the rest of the couples"!

It sure takes a lot to fill 2 hours. It's been fun to shlep down memory lane but I'm getting tired. Surely it is time to reveal the winner!

Finally. Samantha has the two final couples out on the dance floor. After 10 weeks of competition, the winner is … Apolo & Julianne!!!! YAY!!!!! I yell so loudly I startle Mr. AMAI, who throws a pistachio shell at me. Sorry, honey. I didn't want to get my hopes up. For once I didn't read spoilers. Samantha spends a minute talking to the Winners and we learn they both feel amazing. Then she spends two minutes asking questions of the Runners-up. Hmmm.

Anyway, that's it for Season 4 of this show. It was a ton of fun and I want to thank MultiGeminii for encouraging me to watch and joining me in chat each week!

Thanks for reading.

***

SirLinksALot Dancing With The Stars links have more recaps and articles about Season 4 of this show.

AI6 "Three Become Two"

2007-05-19T21:20:00.000-04:00

Ryan opens with the announcement that the Final I-Dulls were allowed out of the compound (heavily chaperoned of course) so they could return home. The show had to do that: the Kids' loved ones were threatening to call the police. However, the furlough footage showed none of the family moments, focusing instead on politicians reading aloud faxes sent by I-Dull Judges. THIS is American Idol.

Three finalists do three songs each. There are three lines to call and three more nights of this shit. Three idiot judges. Did I mention only three more nights?

So, the first song is chosen by an I-Dull Judge; the second is a "producers' choice" and trust me, I debated where to put that apostrophe. Did all the producers discuss the song for each Kid, or did one executive producer make executive decisions? Group-think seems appropriate for this show, so I went with "s apostrophe." The third song is the one the Kids chose for themselves. The girls reprise songs they did earlier in the season; Blake went with a previously unbleat-boxed number. Here are the full playlists:

JORDIN
1. Wishin' On A Star
2. She Works Hard For The Money
3. I Who Have Nothing

MELINDA
1. I Believe In You And Me
2. Nutbush City Limits
3. Trouble Is A Woman

BLAKE
1. Roxanne
2. This Love
3. When I Get You Alone

ROUND 1

Jordin Song 1
We join Jordin on a stage somewhere in Arizona, as Mayor Scrubs, mayor of Glendale, prepares to read aloud a fax from Simon. The great Simon Cowel has chosen Wishing On A Star by Rose-Royce for Jordin. Rose-Royce? Oh, I think, "This might be good."

She's wearing a dark dress with white and lilac material on the breasts. The song is over by the time I finish typing that one sentence. WTF?

giselle: "Cute dress. She sounds good, sings well but I don't like the song."
QB: "Jordin is ok. Looks good. Not a really exciting choice for me. Just not anything special. That was... meh."
AMAI: "It was meh."
giselle: "But she sang well."
AMAI: "She sings meh very well! Randy can't slam the song choice because Simon chose it."

Randy loves it, calling it "Hot like Beyoncé." Paula gives Simon credit for picking a good song, adding it was a great way to start the show. Paula is fully medicated for our protection this evening, just so you know. Simon says Jordin sang brilliantly but he didn't care for the jazzy arrangement. Ryan assumes his most headmistress-y look as he scolds Simon: "So you didn't like your own song choice?" Simon argues about what it is he didn't like but the whole discussion is silly.

Blake Song 1
After ads, we join Blake's hometown visit already in progress. Mayor Lamb To The Slaughter in Washington State has an important fax! From Paula? Ugh. I need a break. This season was poorly put together. I don't care about any of the finalists. I wish Sanjaya were still here. He was the most entertaining. So I take a break from the recap. When I return, I realize I was actually shocked that Paula chose for Blake, since Randy seemed to have it in the bag as Blake's most ardent supporter. Why didn't he get to pick? Maybe Randy was too pro-Blake. Thinking back, it does seem if he's recently begun making less than positive comments. Perhaps it was a bid to cause Blake's fanbase to panic and vote extra for him to help him get to the finale. Anyway, Paula's choice is Roxanne by the Police.

QB: "In the hometown bit he looked like Steve Stiffler in a horrible sweater."
giselle: "I love Steve Stiffler, Blake not so much."
QB: "He is soooo not the Stiffmeister."
giselle: "My friend Danielle just said Blake gets on her nerves and his mouth bugs her and you never see his teeth when he sings."
AMAI: "That's true, Giselle. How does he do that? Maybe it's a function of wearing old man pants. Actually, this isn't bad because he isn't bleatboxing. But it's still hollow and horrible."
giselle: "He is hurting my ears."
QB: It's a brual choice. Singing Sting is soooo hard. And the background singers are HORRID. Still, he's doing ok. I kinda liked it."
giselle: "I just saw his teeth, Danielle was wrong."

Randy's commentary is ALL over the map. He sets off on his mini-odyssey with "great performance," tones it down slightly to "pretty good vocal" and then remembers he needs to show negativity and concludes with "there were some rough spots." One of the pitchiest critiques ever. As for Paula, either she talked in staccato or my notes are really flimsy: "Did me proud. Changed phrasing. Fresh." Simon's earth was not shattered: "The trouble with that song is you're always forced to do an impression. You can't say it was fantastic." Blake makes faces. Paula argues because she's a wind-up doll.

Melinda Song 1
Randy is left to choose I Believe in You & Me for Melinda. I think he really wanted to hear Blake sing that song to him but it was not to be. The Governor of the whole state of Tennessee, Mr. Bredesen, is on hand to conduct the reading of the will, I mean fax. As for the performance it's another Melinda outing, tastefully dull, competently boring. I'm ready for a nap and it's over.

giselle: "Melinda sings well, she always does. But I still don't like her. Danielle and I both hate the dress."
AMAI: "Ugh, me too. The dress is icky. Notice she got the governor of the State."
QB: "Yeah, he had nothing else going on. Agree, uggo dress. It looks like a bathroom wall."
AMAI: "A bathroom mat, you mean."
giselle: "Don't like this song, not enjoying it."
QB: "I am really not liking this song."
AMAI: "Me either. These judges are shit song choosers."

Randy says he went with this song to give her a challenge. He musters the strength to say it was hot, even though it was lukewarm at best. Then he tells her she "blew it out the park." What is his game? Does he want her gone? Does he think he's being truthful? Paula sounds more phony than usual: "You were fantastic, amazing and I think one of your best performances this season." Simon likewise goes nuts, calling it her best performance in the last 4 weeks, and declaring that "round 1 goes to Melinda." Although it was crappy, the other two were at least as bad.

giselle: "No no no no Randy, you are wrong."
QB: "Randy picked it. He had to like it."
giselle: "She can do no wrong. They love her."
QB: "Paula just did a line of coke. Simon was looking at Paula's tits the whole time."
AMAI: "I don't believe these judges give a shit. They are just prattling."

Grades:
QB: "Jordin B-, Blake B-, Melinda C."
giselle: "B for Jordin but that's more for the song than her singing, C for Blake and for Melinda B-."
AMAI: "I give Jordin S+, Blake S and Melinda S-. S stands for Shit."

ROUND 2
Jordin Song 2
Jordin gets a Phantom Viewer Question: "What is your favorite song of all time?" Her answer? MmmmmBop by Hanson. Does the explanation "she's only 17" even work here? I mean, it's like her favorite song is the same one she first heard when she was 7. She says the song makes her smile. Music has been crappy since then. In any event, let me say that her favorite is quite the juxtaposition with the producers' choice for her of Donna Summer's She Works Hard for the Money.

AMAI: "Nice opening line, nice slutty outfit."
giselle: "But she looks good. The shoes not so much."
QB: "Is it me or does she have no rhythm when she moves?"
Tampa: "Bitch can't dance."
giselle: "It's the shoes."
AMAI: "6 inch heels. She's already 6 feet tall."
QB: "6'4" with the afro."
Tampa: "YES! She's huge! I love BCBG Girls shoes, but I won't wear them. They are too tall."
AMAI: "I hope she doesn't topple."
QB: "Pretty good! Much better. B+."
AMAI: "Nice enough singing, but sucky song choice. Doesn't really go with her."

Randy covers up the awkwardness of the performance: "Doesn't matter what song you do. You work it out." Paula exclaims, "Fantastic." Simon is laughing at Paula for some reason, choking out his comments between gasps for breath. What the hell did Paula say/do that was so funny? He says it was very good, but complains the arrangement was "a little bit old-fashioned." Simon's complains are really tiresome.

Blake Song 2
A Phantom Viewer named Nancy (hahaha) wants to know how Blake would entitle a movie about his own life and whom he would choose to portray himself. Blake wants Jim Carrey to play him in a movie called Organized Chaos. Is My Life As A Bleat-Boxer already taken? But Organized Chaos is probably the title of the movie Jim Carrey wants for his own life story. Besides, wouldn't Robin Williams be a closer match physically? The producers chose Maroon 5's whiny song This Love.

Tampa: "I like this song. I own this CD. I hope he's good."
QB: "He's not bad here! Good start. I like this song..."
giselle: "I like it too and it seems to suit him."
AMAI: It would suit him. This song is uber-gay."
QB: "LOL. Smart choice then."
giselle: "True. LOL. For once, I kinda like him. Ohhhh, I hate to say it, but I like this."
Mr. AMAI: "He did this song before, didn't he?"
QB: "He's doing well. Nice job..."
AMAI: "Blake does a passable job on a song I never liked. That wasn't shit. Actually and shockingly."
QB: "Hah. It must have killed you to say that."

I guess Randy feels it's okay to be excited about Blake again: "This is the kind of record you should make. That's a good vibe for you." Oh dear. Blake looks a little sick to hear that. Or he ought to. Even Paula gangs up on Blake: "You were totally in your element." Simon says he preferred this song to the first one. "You sounded comfortable and you didn't sound like a copycat." LOL, except Blake totally did sound like a copycat but whatever.

Melinda Song 2
Her Producers' Choice is the Ike & Tina Turner classic, Nutbush City Limits.

AMAI: OMG! I love this song. She's doing a pretty good job with it, too."
giselle: "OMG, ugly dress. She is all belly. She looks pregnant. I don't know the song but I'm not getting any chills or goosebumps. Does nothing for me."
QB: "Yikes. She does look bad! I'm not a big fan of this at all."

Randy says it was another stellar performance and suggests she put some of that in her repertoire. Paula desperately tries to hang onto her mind, saying, "You look like you had a blast." She loses the battle when she can't think of anything to say besides, "We love you we love you we love you." Simon dryly notes to Paula, "That's why we hired you for this show." He lauds Melinda for another great performance. Ryan wants to know who wins Round 2 but Simon won't split hairs: "I'm gonna call it a tie."

We will split those hairs with Craptastic Evaluator 3000. Here are our Round 2 grades.

QB: "Jordin, B. Blake, A-. Melinda B."
AMAI: "Jordin: B, Blake A-, Melinda A."

ROUND 3

Jordin Song 3
The third song is contestant's choice. The Kids may reprise a previous song or present something new. Jordin repeats I Who Have Nothing, one of her best from the season. She's wearing a peach gown with, sigh, a high waist.

AMAI: "Didn't she do this song before?"
QB: "I like this song. This is her style."
giselle: "I love it. I love Jordin. She did great. A for Jordin."

Randy: "You feel good after all of that? That was another great performance. Your best of the night!" Paula, having lost her mind, cannot quite make sense. Almost but not quite: "It sat well in your voice and how it built. Good choice." Simon can't dispute that she sang well. But he also can't keep himself from taking issue with the fact that she chose an incredibly old fashioned song from 60 years ago. Jordin backchats, "Wasn't Rose Royce kinda in the 70s?" Ha! See? Even the song Simon chose for her was from 30 years ago, and not "current."

giselle: "Oh, Simon. Fuck you right in the ear. I may even vote."
Tampa: "Simon has a hang up with that."
AMAI: "Simon is getting on my nerves with that. Like he chose such a great song."

Blake Song 3
For some reason we watch Blake performing Baby Got Back with Sir Mix A Lot, who idiotically yells, "We now have a new king of C-Town." Um, "C-Town" would not be Chilltown by chance, would it? Blake is back to wearing checkered pants. His choice is When I Get You Alone.

QB: "Blake should have done Sir Mix-a-lot. This is his thing. It's a good night for him."
giselle: "My kids are dancing to this. Danielle likes this too or maybe its the kids dancing."
Mr. AMAI: "It's good AI is letting disabled people on."
QB: "HAHAHAHA."

Randy: "It was cool. I like the Maroon 5 thing more for you. That was Robin Thicke?"
Paula: "3 great songs. 3 great performances."
Simon: "I actually really liked that. I've gotta say, Blake, this is what I've liked about you. You don't play it safe, you take a risk and look like you're having fun."
Ryan: "Somebody's got a musical crush out here."
Ads, thankfully.

Melinda Song 3
But first, guess what? Melinda has her own street in Tennessee. It's called, predictably, Melinda Doolittle Way. Her song is W O M A N.

AMAI: "Did she do this before? Or was that someone else?"
giselle: "I don't remember anyone doing this."
AMAI: "I do. Kiki, maybe."
Tampa: "Groan."
giselle: "Oh no. 'I can fry up the bacon, cause I'm a woman' Like a man can't do that. I hate this song."
AMAI: "Mr. AMAI is great at bacon. And lots of other things too. I eat pretty well."
QB: "Good job by Melinda! All 3 get an A this round."

Randy: "What's really cool about you is you showed range tonight." He's talking like Melinda has never showed range before. He calls it "hot" which is the "anti-pitchy." "That was hot. You could sing the phone book." Yeah, she could and that would simply match the dullness of most of her performances throughout the season. Paula says, "You're stepping into the spotlight." Without Paula to make these fascinating observations, how would we know what's going on? Simon says he loved the little striptease at the beginning. Then he makes his Solemn Pronouncement: "I gotta say, if I'm gonna award a place to a person in the final for someone who has consistently delivered week after week, it's you." Huge cheers from the crowd.

RESULTS
Ryan is now not shaving on a regular basis. Is he trying to prepare to go back to living in the jungle as a snow leopard? He tells us Maroon 5 is here to perform. I wonder if they're really here to kidnap Blake, since he did a better job singing their hit song than their regular lead singer.

Early into our Chat on Results Night, I predicted that Jordin would be out and Melinda would be in the final two. I apologize to my fellow chatters if I gave the impression I knew what I was talking about, especially since most of us were hoping to see Blake leave. I was just babbling away, comparing them. Blake, innovative yet mediocre singer v. Melinda who can sing the fuck out of everything for somebody and while it won't always be you, when it is, the fuck stays sung out of it but most of the time she's competently dull.

giselle: "She can sing, but I still don't like her. Wouldn't buy her CD most likely."
MG: "I still want Jordin to win. I like Mel >> Blake."
giselle: "I don't know how he made it this far."
MG: "Me either."
giselle: "Imagine if Melinda is out??? Just imagine??? How shocking would that be?"
QB: "I picked Melinda to be eliminated."

Watching footage of Melinda and Blake I had been unable to decide who would win between those two. Perhaps it would depend on the songs they get to sing, and which one sings first. Then again, it also depends on whether it's better to sing first or last. Thinking back, I don't know what happened to the footage of Jordin. I think I was really trying to deal with the idea that she wouldn't make it to the Finale, after declaring her my favourite to win since about Week 5.

In the meantime, the Results Show to reveal who will be in those final two spots continues faffing around and wasting time. We're almost up to the moment quite a few have been waiting for, the return of last season's 3rd Place Finisher. In fact, Ryan mentioning that Elliott will be appearing later causes us to discuss Elliot Yamin. His followers are/were sometimes called Yaminions. I used to call him Mehlliott. I never got what anyone saw in him. He put me to sleep but not reliably. I guess he holds the attention, because some love him and some can't figure out how a shmuck like him got on television.

AMAI: "Are you all Elliott fans? Am I like the only Blue Jay in a sea of Yankees?"
QB: "Ahem, Mets. But not really. I never got the Elliott hype."
MG: "I didn't like his song choices but I thought he was a good singer. I like him, but I don't love him."
giselle: "I hear he has changed his appearance a lot."
Tampa: "He got his teeth fixed. He looks totally different. I'm not a fan. I just saw a recent picture and didn't recognize him."
AMAI: "Totally different, eh? We'll see. Maybe if he got a jaw reduction, had his eyes moved apart, grew some height and found a new stylist."

Elliott. This is the night of who went out 3rd.. Next season, they should bring back more of the 3rd place getters. Maybe get the voters to pick the best 3rd place getter from all seasons. Give you guys more to vote for. I can't vote because I'm in Canada. Don't get excited, yet, tho. This is just Ryan teasing us that Elliott will be performing later.

Periodically throughout the hour, Ryan was giving the "run-down" on one of the three contestants. I wasn't always paying attention but as luck would have it, I was paying attention for Blake's. His montage package includes little girl boobies, Hendrix playing, Seattle and the Space Needle. Traveling in a water plane. I noted that I was amazed that Blake was not annoying during the segment.

AMAI: "Awww, the sun shone for Blake. That is amazing, actually."
giselle: "Is that possible?"
AMAI: I thought it was impossible in Seattle. The sun NEVER shines in Seattle. It peeps out from behind clouds at best."

Ryan reads out a passel of comments from the judges. "Maroon 5: you were in your element." Poor Blake. Maroon 5 is the epitome of suck, isn't it? No wonder Blake's montage will need to include a lot of blow-job faces. Of course, the pronouncement of the result on Blake will have to wait until after Mehliott makes his grand appearance, which is right now!

AMAI: "Bwahaha! Elliott has had a make-over and turned into Ethan Zohn."
Mr. AMAI: "You wanna watch this? Can I change it?"
AMAI: "LOL. No, you can't."
Tampa: "Ethan hair lol. Ethan is still cuter."
AMAI: "He is a clone of Ethan in a brown suit. He's got face fuzz."
Tampa: "Sweater vest."
AMAI: "He's wearing sneakers. He looks a lot better."
The Rogue Wave joined
Rogue: "What a crowd. Elliott has an afro."
Tampa: Hi R. Elliot looks like Ethan."
AMAI: "Hey Rogue. Elliott is not thoroughly sick making like before."
Mr. AMAI: "What's up with not tucking in shirts? It's like they're all living in Florida and they're old."
giselle: "lol"
QB: "lol"
Mr. AMAI: "Jesus Christ. It's the response to the girls showing their midsections. The guys leave their shirts untucked."
Tampa: "Elliot looks like an idiot. And he sucks."
AMAI: "Then you're listening to him sing. It's pablum singing to me. He's pleasant, but I wouldn't listen to him sing. I'm certainly not waiting for him. Lol, he's waiting for me, tho. Stalker."
giselle: "Lol AMAI, but his teeth are good right?"
AMAI: "Teeth? He wouldn't open his mouth. I don't know if he has teeth."
Rogue: "His new teeth are too big. All 46 of them."
giselle: "Even big they have to be better?"
Tampa: "Maybe he's related to me. I have too many teeth and they are all up front."

The curly hair is cute. He looks completely different. Randy is happy dawg came home. Paula is speechless almost.

giselle: "She is never totally speechless."

Simon faux complains about the performance, then admits it was great. Paula is proud and babbles "I love you I love you."

Ugh. It's the best and the worst of seasons. Best talent but I'm the most sick of them at this point.

Tampa: "Are you going to watch Pirate Master?"
Rogue: "I probably won't be able to resist."
AMAI: "You know we will all be watching."
Tampa: "Of course we will watch. Suckers."

Ads. Then Maroon 5 perform.

Tampa: "Come on. 20 minutes left. Dragging out this shit."
AMAI: "Oh, we need to get to know these people. We're closer than the last time I did this."
Tampa: "Painful. PAINFUL!"
AMAI: "It's a process. It's like an orgasm by the numbers. Let's take a poll among our chatting friends, shall we? Who is watching the show right now?"
MG: "I'm not."
Tampa: "I is."
AMAI: "MG isn't, Tampa is. I feel like Jeff Probst."
QB: "Jesus. Drag this out much? This show is endless."
AMAI: "Blake was really outed wasn't he. Ooh man. Is this band really a big deal? Maroon 5."
Mr. AMAI: "It's like they're chipmunks. Or maybe it's from using cell phones and you have to talk really fast to get it said in one minute."

Finally it's almost time for results.

Rogue: "Blake's dad is 500 pounds. At least 450."
giselle: "He is huge."
Tampa: "Blake will be that big one day. You can see it."
Rogue: "Blake is pudgy now."
AMAI: "375. He lost weight. He was like two people before. I thought he was carrying someone in a sack on his front."
giselle: "Blake seems short, I wonder how tall he is."
Tampa: "He does seem short."
Rogue: "5'2"."
All: "lol."

And…. Jordin is in. Blake is in. Melinda is out.

AMAI: "Melinda is too old. She is out."
Rogue: "WHAT THE FUCK! American Idol is racist. And ageist. Simon is livid."
Roadfinder: "We predicted you'd be upset, Rogue."
Tampa: "I said you'd cry. Any tears yet?"
Rogue: "Finale = Bogus."
AMAI: "Rogue, do you need a drink?"
QB: "Jordin has this in the bag."
MG: "I hope you're right, QB."
AMAI: "She doesn't have it in the bag. She needs to do awesome."
Tampa: "Watch Blake win."
Rogue: "American Homo."
MG: "That would suck."
QB: "Jordin will pound him."
Tampa: "Melinda is taking this well."
Rogue: "She should get her own finale."
AMAI: "I had a feeling Melinda would be out 3rd place. It fits her body of work. I think the voters are interested in quality entertainment."
MG: "I don't."
QB: "I think the voters are mental midgets."
Rogue: "The voters are fucking stupid."
MG: "I think a bunch of teenyboppers and old women are voting Blake. He's Clay part deux."
Rogue: "Goddamn it."
AMAI : "How mad are you?"
Rogue: "White hot."
AMAI: "Really?"
Rogue: "Ultraviolet hot."
AMAI: "You're kidding, right?"
MG: "I feel like Rogue is foreshadowing how mad we'll all be next week."
AMAI: "America voted…"
Rogue: "Badly."
AMAI: "…they chose these two. More people want to see these two than want to see Melinda. Enough with the Shrek!"
Rogue: "Never. All Blake does is wiggle that fat ass around the stage and make mechanical noises."

Final Thoughts
AMAI: "She's a good singer but she's not pretty to look at. That's why she would never win this sort of competition where it's all on TV with the close-ups. If you're gay, Blake might look pretty good to you. Melinda has a great career ahead of her. This is as far as "America" will take her in this competition. It's up to her to go on from here. She'll find her way. She has a huge fanbase and is likely to woo new fans with her album. She seems most likely to do well if you don't have to look at her."
QB: "It kinda went the way I figured. They were all about equal, but Blake and Jordin have big fan bases. Melinda is just so boring, she didn't inspire the passion to get enough people to vote. She is a better singer, but Blake is more "entertaining", and gets the little girltard vote. She couldn't over come it. Jordin will blast Blake next week. It won't even be close enough to release the percentages. They'll just declare her the winner."

As for next week, I think based on past years that they'll each sing three songs again. Based on me blotting out most of past years, I don't remember whether the two Finalists are permitted to perform at least two songs back-to back. We'll find out soon enough. See you next week. Yay, final week!

Thanks for reading.

***

SirLinksALot American Idol has more articles and recaps about this Sixth season of AI.

Dancing With The Stars 4: May 15-16, Semi-Finals

2007-05-16T19:55:00.000-04:00

This recap is a bit later than normal due to illness among the usual participants. I just managed to watch the 8pm show on Monday night; both MG and I were too ill to watch what for me is the 11pm show (she is on the West Coast.) Then I decided to wait until after the results were known before finishing and posting the recap. It's a disclaimer, but it's also fact. Anyway, enough with our excuses! On with the recap!

Four couples remain. They're introduced in this order: Ian, Joey, Laila, Apolo. With any luck, that is the order in which they will depart this competition: Ian first, with Apolo the winner.

Tom repeats the taglines: Olympian, Fighter, Showman and Perfectionist and say that each couple performs two new routines. Len says the four couples will select their favorite dances, meaning therefore they are not learning new dances. Rather, they are expected to devise new routines for dances they should already have some familiarity with. Each couple is expected to do very well.

ROUND 1: Ballroom

Apolo & Julianne - Quick-Step
Apolo says they're yet to earn a 10 for their ballroom dancing. During the week he and Julianne went to something called a Wango-Tango, where they performed one of their dances for an appreciative crowd. That's an excellent example of a worthwhile extra-curricular activity. Apolo says he wants to be the first to earn six 10s in one night.

Apolo runs down the steps and meets Julianne who is gabbing at the judges' table. He taps her shoulder and the dance begins. His black suit is teamed a dark emerald green shirt; her dress is sparkly dark green, with a bright emerald green petticoat or slip or perhaps lining peeping out from beneath as she moves.

I love this couple! Their footwork looks good to me with perfect and therefore lovely synchronicity. They even execute leaps in unison! He takes her by the arms and whirls her through the air as he spins, then she repeats the maneuver on him!! The dance ends with him on the floor like a teddy bear. Absolutely delightful. The crowd gives a well-deserved standing ovation. After watching all season, I have to say the Quick Step has turned out to be my favorite of the ballroom dances. I didn't even know what it was before this show.

Len: "I really expected it to be a good Quick Step. It was fantastic. There was control in the speed. Great movement."
Bruno: "The Apolo Express is off on a magic ride. I can't believe I agree with Len: light, quick, fast, sporty."
Carrie Ann: "Thank you for setting the bar way high. Fantastic. You didn't miss a beat."

That sounds to me like a set of 10s across the board, doesn't it? And, yes: 10, 10, 10! That's a lovely the way to start the show off right. That was the more difficult round for them.

Ian & Cheryl - Tango.
They obtained the services of a coach, Mike Maffia, who tries to help Ian emote more during his performances. Ian claims that, "being an actor, his emotions are close to the surface." Close to, but not necessarily accessible. He just seems perpetually on the verge of a temper tantrum to me. I've tried to like him, but it feels as if he puts up an invisible wall that allows no-one in. After the coaching session he declares his intention is to "sell it like [he's] never sold it before." Cheryl exclaims she feels like she's dancing with a whole new Ian.

Tango. He's in black with a red shirt; her dress is black with a red swath and a gauzy see-thru portion in the mid-section. I find their footwork to be messy at times. I still don't like her; she exudes an air of entitlement because she's won the competition before. Perhaps it is entitlement mixed with chagrin that she has been partnered with someone who isn't capable of winning. I'll be surprised if their Tango receives perfect 10s.

Bruno: "You went with a frenzy. Watch out. I have to say keep an eye on your footwork."
Carrie: "When you travel across the floor, make it look like you're going somewhere."
Len: "I don't know what these two are looking at. That was your best dance ever. Had passion, flair. I think that was great."

Scores: 9, 10, 9. The scores, which of course are always given in the order Carrie Ann/Len/Bruno, definitely reflect their commentary. The scores ARE high, but at this stage it would seem that anything less than perfect could cost the couple a place in the finals.

Laila & Maks - Quick Step.
They struggle in rehearsals. Uh oh. The next day Maks shows up with flowers. Laila describes having Maks over to meet her whole family and just hang out relaxing while preparing barbecue. She scolds him for burning the chicken. Chicken is a difficult meat to barbecue, I've found. It seems to burn faster on the outside than it can cook on the inside. Anyway, it's an interesting diversion, but it's not dance rehearsal.

Quick Step. Laila has chosen a Cleopatra-style outfit. It's gold with a jeweled thing on the chest area. I'm sure there are proper terms for that. She's also wearing flat shoes and later we learn it's on account of having knee problems. Kudos for not complaining, Laila. This is the first I've heard of her injuries but apparently she's been struggling all competition long. I think Maks is wearing a dark suit, but I didn't note it down so cannot say for sure. They dance to Walk Like An Egyptian, which serves quite well, but not quite as perfectly as the music Apolo & Julianne used for theirs. The first time Laila & Max insert the Egyptian-ish head bobble (on the title line), it works very well. On the repetition, however, the head-bobble movement is slightly off from the music and looks as thought they are straining to make the music "fit."

Carrie Ann: "People are expecting you to be as good as the professional women. You bring a vibe that is sophisticated."
Len: "This was a little more basic than the other one we saw." Maks argues a bit, Laila apologizes for Maks, but in the end it won't matter a jot.
Bruno: "Cleopatra Ali. Magical!"

Scores: 10, 10, 10. Oh my. I truly did not expect them to receive a perfect score. The dance was good, but perfect? Not in my view.

Joey & Kym - Foxtrot.
Last week the couple was devastated to find themselves in the bottom 2. Kym says Joey means business this week. Once again they took time to go out and "meet the fans." At least this time they also put on a dancing display.

Foxtrot. They dance to My Guy wearing white. Kym's dress is mostly see-thru and she looks like she's wearing a 50s two-piece bathing seat covered with a gauzy backless shimmy. Joey's all white suit features long tails. It's a lovely enough dance, I suppose. Perhaps I am beginning to tire of dancing that is merely good and not spectacular. At the end they twirl each other twice through the air. It's quite amazing to see Kym holding Joey up two times in a row. There must be a trick to that move, which allows a small woman to appear to be wheeling her much larger partner through the air.

Len: "I like to see you portray the people in each dance. You blended so well. That was American Smooth." Has Len taken a sip of Bruno's drink?
Bruno: "Mr Showbiz at his best. You two are like two movie stars of the '40s. I was enchanted."
Carrie Ann: "What is amazing about you, Joey, is you do have what it takes to win. A winner bounces back. Just now, you won the ballroom round."

Say what? Not for my money, he didn't. Does Carrie Ann only remember the most recent dance she's seen? Apolo & Julianne were the stars of this round, even if three couples received perfect scores.

And oh yes, Joey & Kym do receive 10, 10, 10. And who's the only one who didn't get perfect 10s? Why, Ian, yes. Still, he did get one 10, and from Len too, so he's happy.

BREAK
For our break this week, Len visits each couple to provide pointers for the Latin round. He tells us his dancing specialty was Latin, so it's quite a good segue. He instructs Ian on the fine art of kicking. Apolo is helped to overcome what I thought I heard Len call "Apolo's sickle feet" syndrome. Laila needs to work on her arms, and Len suggests she focus on "placing her hand" and then her arm will follow naturally. Joey's butt still sticks out but I don't know if one session with Len will be enough to correct that problem. What I do know is that Joey took the opportunity to quip that Len has good advice, which is no surprise since "he's been dancing for 95 years."

ROUND 2: Latin.

Apolo & Julianne - Cha Cha Cha.
He's in a blue shirt and black pants; she's in an electric blue gown. The song is Push It. As was the case with almost every one of their dances all season, I find the routine delightful and highly charged. I'm a fan of course. I didn't realize the Cha Cha could look like this. But it is a little bit like watching two people have stylized sex on the dance floor. It's kind of hard to watch some of the moves.

Bruno: "So energetic. Shot of adrenalin."
Carrie Ann: "You sold it. I felt dirty watching it."
Len: "Your feet were much better. For me, there was a lot of gyration and raunch, with only a few basic steps. Too much of one thing."

Actually, I do kind of agree with Len on this one, even though I know it will mean losing a point and missing out on the perfect 60. With so much that was let slide in the Ballroom Round, at first I was piqued that Len got tough on Apolo in this round. However, with any luck this will only galvanize the couple to do even better in the finals.

Scores: 10, 9, 10. (Bruno knocks his head on the desk after Len gives his 9, which is funny if a little melodramatic.) Their total for the night is 59/60.

Ian & Cheryl - Jive.
He's wearing an Elvis outfit complete with overdone pompadour. He does not look at all like himself. Their song is All Shook Up, one of my few Elvis favorites. He's in white with a red scarf. She's in a red bikini top and short red skirt. The routine is cute but the whole Elvis get-up is distracting because it just doesn't look like Ian at all.

Carrie Ann: "Hallelujah. Who'd have thought a wig would help you break through?"
Len: "Technically I've always thought you were the soundest. Tonight you came out and done the lot."
Bruno: "Somehow it works. The breakthrough is there. You've done it."

Scores: 10, 10, 10. They finally get a perfect score. Ian is so excited he runs over and hugs… Joey? OooOooo.

Laila & Maks - Cha Cha Cha.
They dance to She's A Lady. She's in a hot pink dress, he's in a mauve top with hot pink vertical stripes and black pants. It's a nice routine but is it worthy of perfect scores? Somehow I think it doesn't matter. They even throw in that strange hip/thigh waggle thing that Laila loves so much, and which I think she calls "the butterfly."

Len: "This had far more content. You won me over with the butterfly."
Bruno: "No doubt you're a knockout. You have confidence."
Carrie Ann: "Technique shines through."

My notes are getting sketchier. I apologize. I was feeling quite exhausted by the end and was doing well to note down anything at all. I shall be well-rested for the finals, I promise! Multi-Geminii also promises to be well and return for the final round of dancing.

Scores: 10, 10, 10. This means that, technically, Laila & Maks are the first couple of the season to be given a perfect 60 for the night. I don't know if they really deserved two perfect scores, but it was a nice enough set of dances.

Joey & Kym - Jive.
He's in a yellow jacket, black pants and white shirt. The performance begins with Joey striding over to the judges' table and laying himself down on it, with his head at Carrie Ann's end, naturally. Kym enters the dance area, wearing a black sparkly dress, and Joey leaps up, places his bright canary yellow boater on Len's head, gives Carrie Ann a kiss and possibly ignores Bruno completely. The dance begins. Their song is Jump Jive and Mr. AMAI immediately declares this to be his favorite song ever. Which isn't true but at least shows willingness to enjoy the festivities. The routine contains many bits of business, as Joey routines often do, but some solid footwork as well. It appears that Joey is being chastised throughout the dance for being too forward. At one point Joey goes down into the splits and then as Kym faux-taps him on the head, he bounces up and down in the split position. It's quite an entertaining routine, all round. Kym's footwork is adorable and a delight to watch. Joey keeps up admirably well.

Bruno: "More flash than Vegas, and more tricks than Houdini."
Carrie Ann: "Thank you for being the guy who comes up here."
Len wears Joey's yellow hat as he delivers his comments: "You've got something that everyone's got but yours is much bigger. (pause for the inevitable dirty thoughts) Personality! If you're not in the final, this show will be missing a great performer."

Scores, deservedly: 10, 10, 10. And that's another perfect 60 for the night. Well done, Joey & Kym.

The recap snippets aren't enough to remind me of the dances that I just couldn't get into enough to comment upon more fully. Oh, well.

Laila/Maks and Joey/Kym are at 60 each. Apolo/Julianne have 59/60 and Ian/Cheryl have 58. It's very close, and anyone's game, really. I know who I would like to see leave the competition. MultiG and I agreed a few weeks ago the order in which couples would depart.

RESULTS.
Since I missed working on the recap at all on Tuesday in order to be able to post it even by 3pm on the day prior to the hour-long results show, I figured I may as well wait and find out who would be in next week's final show.

This results show has been inconsistent in quality over the weeks. Of course, the recipient of the encore performance goes a long way to whether or not I personally consider it must-see TV worthy of watching twice in one night. This week the encore goes to Joey & Kym for their Jive. It's almost as good as the night before, but Joey doesn't quite attain the depth of splits for one thing. Apolo & Julianne still hold my award for Best Encore Performance for their marvelous Paso Doble.

There are two songs performed by the rather gorgeous yet strangely inaccessible Enrique Iglesias. He is quite a pretty young man, isn't he, yet he looks so tortured. I don't really like that song Hero, but I watch him sing for a few moments. I think Enrique's problem is he's not quite capable of being in love with anyone other than himself, so he's destined to never really be happy.

Joaquim someone-or-other, a world-famous Flamenco dancer, provides a demonstration of that dance. It is mostly quite boring, but now at least I realize where Michael Keaton got the steps for his routine in Beetlejuice.

We learn early on that Joey & Kym are through to the finals, which is very nice for them and for us, since they are entertaining. Later on we're told that Laila & Maks have also earned a berth. Tom the host says we're not going to be given a "bottom two" but rather told who is out and who is in of Ian and Apolo. Now this seems strange, perhaps, but here is how I understood it. The fact that the choice is presented as being between these two does not mean that Apolo had the third best overall score. He could have had the most viewer votes of anyone, and actually been the winner overall for the week. But for the purposes of excitement, the choice appeared to be between him and Ian.

Luckily for me and I'm sure many of you, Apolo & Julianne will be in the finals, while Ian & Cheryl join the also-rans. The band plays a rendition of Carole King's It's Too Late, Baby while Ian & Cheryl hug all the remaining contestants and the crowd cheers and applauds.

Next week the couples will dance a judges' choice and another dance. I'm looking forward to it, actually! See you then.

Thanks for reading.

***

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Drew's Reviews - American Idol 6 - May 15, 2007

2007-05-16T13:40:00.000-04:00

by DREW B

If there was ever any doubt that LaKisha should not have been the one to go home last week, I would say that last night answered that. The songs of all three finalists in round one last night were worse than EVERY SINGLE PERFORMANCE WE EVER SAW LAKISHA DO -- yes, even the awful "Jesus Take the Wheel" and "Believe". Most of LaKisha's performances throughout the season were better than each and every performance last night. LaKisha outclasses Blake and Jordin at least as much as Tamyra outclassed Nikki or LaToya outclassed Jasmine or Boomie outclassed everybody else. And she's more outstanding than Melinda, too, if not as solidly consistent. I hope that in the mythology of Idol, what happened to LaKisha is seen as the robbery it was...

Jordin - Round 1 - What? This blink-and-you-miss-it performance wasn't worth the effort. Bad song choice, bad arrangement, badly sung (very shaky). Next?

Blake - Round 1 - It wasn't horrible. Blake's voice sounded more resonant than usual, and he brought an interesting and distinctive sound to the song. What he didn't bring, though, is any passion. I think this song requires passion -- else the "I won't share you with another man" line makes no sense. Then again, I don't think Blake has ever brought passion to a song (passion for the emotional life portrayed there -- I do believe he has passion for the intellectual exercise of the music). What people are calling "contemporary" about him, I think, is his bemused, detached, unemotional style. That's not for me. And I hated the way he changed the phrasing. Blake should have learned something from Sligh...

Melinda - Round 1 - After watching Blake and Jordin, I thought Round 1 would be an easy win for Melinda. I was shocked when she turned in her worst, pitchiest vocal performance ever. I had no idea that Melinda was capable of being so off-key! Most of the time, she caught herself and corrected pretty well, but there was one sustained note near the end that was such a clunker, and I watched her eyes fill with panic when she couldn't get off of it! I respect that she has a good ear and knows when she screws up. I don't respect that the judges either don't hear or don't admit that they hear "pitchiness" to the extreme.

Round 1 rankings:
1. Blake (by default)
2. Jordin
3. Melinda (made my ears bleed)

Jordin - Round 2 - Total karaoke, but decent vocally (not easy to do with Donna Summer). I don't think she understands the song, but she faked it okay. Add to that the fact that I just like the song, and Jordin came off decently.

Blake - Round 2 - I hate this song. I hate Maroon 5's version and I hate Blake's version. I like Blake's version a little more because the beatboxing was at least a splash of something interesting. This did not showcase good singing, but that is to be expecting -- there is no good singing in the original, either.

Melinda - Round 2 - This song had no melody and I had a hard time figuring it out. I thought it was a bad choice for her, in that it showed nothing new (we've seen this side of her before) and it doesn't showcase her singing. Meh.

Round 2 rankings:
1. Jordin (more for the song than the singer)
2. Melinda
3. Blake

Jordin - Round 3 - I thought she looked like Oprah during this one. Well, if Oprah OD'd on human growth hormone... There is no denying that Jordin sounds great on this song. In fact, I think it was easily the best vocal of the night. However, it was still a disappointment, in that she didn't do it as well as the first time (remember, Jordin, you have to plant your feet and stand still or you go downhill).

Blake - Round 3 - Who knew that the Big Butts that Sir Mixalot likes includes Blake's? I would have rather seen him do that song in the competition than the one he chose. And why did he get to do a new song while Jordin and Melinda reprised old ones? Weird. I don't know this song and it was hard for me to figure out/evaluate Blake. The verses were okay, but the chorus SUUUUUCKED. I think that was the song, not Blake, but I'm not so sure...

Melinda - Round 3 - In light of the fact that the producers had chosen the "Nutbush" song for her, this was a bad choice. It showcases exactly the same side. I would have preferred if she had reprised "Sway", saying that it was the one performance that Simon didn't like, and she wanted to change that... This performance was way, way worse than the first time she did it. She lost her diction in the first half so we lost all the lyrics. That's the whole POINT of the song! I did think the interaction with the background singers was cool.

Round 3 rankings:
1. Jordin (even though it was worst than last time)
2. Melinda
3. Blake

All songs rankings:
1. Jordin - Round 3

2. Melinda - Round 3
3. Blake - Round 1
4. Jordin - Round 2
5. Melinda - Round 2
6. Blake - Round 3
7. Blake - Round 2
8. Jordin - Round 1

9. Melinda - Round 1

Overall rankings (and I'm very sad to report this):
1. Jordin (I still want her to go home)
2. Blake
3. Melinda (she had the only truly BAD vocal, and her others weren't good enough to redeem it. She had by far the most challenging song, so it's not entirely her fault, but that's the way the cookie crumbles).

AI6 "Four kill Boogie Night"

2007-05-13T15:42:00.001-04:00

Chat is Connected.
gisellebelle: "OK, it's on."
giselle: "30 million Americans…"
giselle: "3 girls, one guy…"
giselle: "Hellllooooo…"
QualityBobby: "Lol. Hi."
AllMenAreIslands: "Hi."
MultiGeminii: "Hi."
giselle: "Ok, phew. I thought I was alone with Barry Gibb and I don't like this kind of music."
AMAI: "LOL. You're not alone. Jordin said so the other week. And Judge Judy is in the crowd. Mr. AMAI saw her."
QB: "Scary."

The show opens with the usual blah-di-blah between Ryan and the Judges, followed by the usual prepared movie package, this time about the BeeGees' slew of hits. Guest mentor Barry Gibb will assist the Kids tonight, as they perform two songs each. But not two songs together back-to-back, so there's no sense of what a set of theirs would be like. It's also too bad there isn't a rule that makes them choose one slow song and one fast.

During rehearsal, Barry listens to the four Kids harmonizing round a piano, then says, "You sound great together, you wanna be a group?" I bet he retracted that invitation after listening to the god-awful medley on Results Night." But I leap ahead…

Melinda:
Song 1: Love You Inside And Out.

She says her goal is to take a song originally performed by a group and make it work for a solo artist. Barry reminds us he was singing like a lady in the first place, so the song should work for her. The trouble is, Melinda's best range is not as high as Barry's used to be.

QB: "She is just so boring to me. It really doesn't matter what she sings."
AMAI: "At first I thought she was doing a good job. The first few lines were good. But then it started to put me to sleep. Luckily I had REM sleep and dreamed I was rewatching Apolo & Julianne for a 5th time. Now THAT was awesome."

AMAI: "I don't like her outfit. But is she getting thinner?"
QB: "Must be a new girdle."
Mr. AMAI: "What's with the tether?"
AMAI: "It's for hanging herself after."
giselle: "The jeans don't work well on her."
AMAI: "Did she have those pants sprayed on? They make her legs splay funny."
giselle: "You're right. It looks like her thighs were duct taped together. To be honest, I fast forwarded through most of the performance."
QB: "Lol, that sounds familiar."
giselle: "She was better last week."
MG: "God, that was boring. Boring song, boring performance."

I think I know what it was. It was kind of like 'Anne Murray Sings Disco.' Anne's voice is bland, blah, albeit soothing. Everyone needs to own an Anne Murray for a cheap yet reliable sedative.

Randy hums and haws, eventually croaking that it wasn't her best.

AMAI: "Randy is just now realizing that maybe no one is in it to win it."

Paula: "It's hard to critique you. You vocals are great and that's consistent, thank god. But we're looking for something that will wow us."

Simon: "What Paula was attempting to say was she wasn't impressed. That wasn't incredible. It was more of a backing vocalist performance. It wasn't a star's performance. I want to see better than that. Luckily you have a second song."

AMAI: "I thought Paula did a pretty good job of expressing herself."
MG: "Well, whatever Paula was trying to say was correct."
QB: "Melinda's vocals are always on, but there's no "wow" factor. I agree with the judges, all 3 of them for once."
AMAI: "She didn't WOW me either. She threatened to wow me for a minute there."
QB: "Not a good start for her. The others have a chance now."

Blake
Song 1: You Should Be Dancing

We watch rehearsal. Blake doesn't want to say what he's going to do to the song, but thankfully the editors override him and provide a sneak preview.

Mr. AMAI: "This should be horrible."
giselle: "We are in for a treat, I know it. Yay!! (not really)"
AMAI: "Oh yes, a treat. If you like doggie treats."
giselle: "Or sour pickles."
QB: "I bet Blake gets by tonight. I think his niche gets him through. The other 3 split the votes. The ones who liked Chris and Phil will go mostly to Blake. The "cute" vote has nowhere else to go."
AMAI: "A lot of people who liked Chris or Phil also like one of the girls. And he was in the bottom last week. I would hate to see Blake in the F2, because he doesn't sing. He poompooms. And Blake is not a cutie in the same mold as Chris or Phil. He's gay, or gayish."
QB: "All true. But I still think he'll get the little girltard vote and it will be enough."

The performance begins. It is quite gay.

Mr. AMAI: "Does this guy know he's stupid?"
QB: "Worst.Jacket.Ever."
Mr. AMAI: "Something is the matter with the TV."
AMAI: "He's doing the falsetto."
MG: "His falsetto sucks."
QB: "Falsetto is fine but he looks like a 'tard."
AMAI: "There is a limited market for Gay Disco."
giselle: "Guess the hair dye from last week didn't wash out, but the stripes are um, different."
MG: "Like a skunk."
AMAI: "How appropriate. Oh, where's my Ecstasy?"
MG: "I don't know but I can't find my painkillers either."
AMAI: " I stole 'em. Poppers for everyone! We were all in need, MG. Sowwy. Terrible performance."
giselle: "Well, 0 for 2."

Could it be? Has Randy fallen out of love with his dreamboat? His commentary is less than enthusiastic to say the least. And when you consider that Randy has praised all sorts of Blake-dreck, it's quite interesting that he isn't praising this. He found it "interesting," which is perhaps the new "pitchy." He says, "Sometimes when you beatbox, it works. This didn't work." Paula band-wagons, claiming he started shaky, and both melody & pitch were off. However, she thinks he showed "musicianship" with the beatboxing.

QB: "I honestly don't know what to say. I guess it was good? I am speechless. That stuff is always love it or hate it."
AMAI: "It's hilarious. And I hate it. OooOoo: Paula gives a full palm hand clap. That's extremely rare, you know."

Simon doesn't mince words: "Absolutely terrible." Not that there's anything further to say but he complains when the "You're So Done" music begins. Ryan faux-consoles him: "That's okay, Simon. Another time. We have a lot to do tonight." This is great! Only an hour to fill and plenty to fill it with! No time for idle chit-chat.

Lakisha
Song 1: Stayin' Alive

She receives personal instruction from Barry, who says he's looking forward to hearing her sing with the band. Is that a veiled remark that he has had enough of listening to her sing by herself?

giselle: "And I thought Melinda's jeans were bad..... this is a mess and gross but at least we don't have to look at her cleavage."
QB: "I had the same thought. Why let the fat girl wear spandex?"

giselle: "True!!! Bobby."
AMAI: "It's an unfortunate wardrobe choice."

Randy: "That was weird for me. It's a great melody and you tried to make it your own. You tried to do too much. Too much goin' on."
MG: "It wasn't too much going on."
AMAI: "No kidding. It's fucking disco. I heard the minor melody changes Randy was talking about. It wasn't worth making such an issue of them."
Tampa: "Randy is on the rag."
AMAI: "He's a giant turd. He's wrong to say she was bad to make it her own. If you can't make a song like Stayin' Alive your own, then what song can you make your own? STFU, Randy."
QB: "They are all kinda grouchy tonight, even Paula."
MG: "I like her tone better than Melinda's. That's about all I can say, sorry."

Paula: "Taking the tempo down brought everyone down.
Simon: "No kiss tonight baby. Back to the shouting again."

AMAI: "Evs. They clearly want her gone, so they're saying anything."
giselle: "0 for 3."
MG: "Lol at 'Evs' in AI chat."
AMAI: "This show is crappy but a crappy show might make for a funny recap. LOL."
giselle: "Better crappy than boring."
AMAI: I'm only really staying up to re-watch Apolo & Julianne one more time.
Mr. AMAI: "They're panning everyone's first song to make us stick around for the second half."

Jordin
Song 1: To Love Somebody

She is asked a Phantom Viewer question, "What have you learned about yourself during this whole Idol process?"

QB: "Who gives a shit what she's learned about herself?"
AMAI: "Her fans? But what could you learn? The only thing I really got from her answer is that she gets good grades, As and Bs."
giselle: "Oh, but good song."
AMAI: "It is a good song."
QB: "This is a tough song to sing. Jordin is the best one left. They'll love this one. I really want her to win."

Barry tells us that of the more than 200 people who have recorded this song, he hasn't heard a greater version of it than Jordin's.

giselle: "Couple of hundred people!"
MG: "Barry Gibb likes her best."
giselle: "Me too!!!"
MG: "I like Kiki best, but I want Jordin to win."
AMAI: "I like Lakisha well enough, but I definitely want Jordin to win. I think she will win barring unfortunate accidents."

AMAI: "What the hell is she wearing?"
MG: "Yeah, her dress sucks. Oh it's a top. Still sucks."
giselle: "It's a dress with jeans. But of all of them, it is the best outfit."
AMAI: "Her dress/top looks like she stopped painting in Art Class, and is singing to that special boy."
MG: "Yes AMAI! But her hair looks fab."
QB: "Hahahaha."
AMAI: "Of course! Her hair always looks fab."

The judges all like the performance. Simon declares she's winning.

giselle: "Best of the night, IMO."
AMAI: "She did a lovely rendition."
MG: "She really is just as pretty as Antonella."
AMAI: "Prettier! And… she is in it to win it. Randy said so."
MG: "1. Jordin 2. Kiki 3. Melinda 4. Blake."
All: "Agreed!"
QB: "I hope to hell the second songs are better than the first ones."
AMAI: "Can they be worse?"

ROUND 2

Melinda
Song 2: How Can You Mend A Broken Heart?

giselle: "I hate hate hate this song."
MG: "I like it."
AMAI: "I like it, too. But it's wrong for her."
MG: "Well, I like the Al Green version. The Bee Gees did this song?"
AMAI: "LOL, MG. Yes. But actually there are other early Bee Gee songs I'd rather have heard."

Melinda gets a Phantom Viewer question. "What was your first tape or CD?" Melinda reminds us she's old, since her first was on tape. They didn't even have CDs back when she was a girl.

Notice how they don't even mention vinyl anymore? Then she makes a big deal out of the fact that her mom crossed out the word "Bad" and wrote "Good" on her copy of that Michael Jackson album.

During rehearsal Barry is suggesting which verses to put into the performance. She tells Barry she is careful about words and therefore doesn't want to sing about being a loser.

giselle: "I'd rather be wet than be a loser?"
QB: "Um. I'd rather you were wet too?"
giselle: "Shhhh."
AMAI: "I like Melinda again now. I can appreciate someone who appreciates words."

Oh well. The performance is not good. It may well be her weakest performance all season. The beginning is mostly soft and quiet; the main problem is that I don't believe this song coming from her. There isn't an emotional connection with its sentiment. In the middle she begins to ramp up the shouting, which is just another substitute for an emotionally driven performance.

QB: "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Yikes, that does suck."
AMAI: "The beginning made me want to sleep, but the end made me wish I had turned her off in the middle."
MG: "I didn't like the end either."
giselle: "I just don't see her as a pop star."
Mr. AMAI: "She can't sing and rub her tummy at the same time."
QB: "Thank you, giselle! I have been saying that all along!"
giselle: "She is no Chris Daughtry."
AMAI: "I think she may turn out to be a gospel star."

Randy goes nuts: "Great song, great ending. You our resident pro. You got it going on."
Paula: "Vocals is not everything. Throw all the technique away."
AMAI: "Paula needs her meds!"
giselle: "lol"
Simon: "The second half of that song put you into the semi finals."
giselle: "Now we have to suffer through Blake again."

Blake
Song 2: This Is Where I Came In

Barry explains that when the Bee Gees wrote this song, they thought it could be a hit. Turns out they thought wrong. Barry hopes Blake can update it with his beatboxing.

AMAI: "Fat chance."
QB: "Now he is doing the beat box on every song."
Mr. AMAI: "This should be really good."
QB: "He definitely is going for the Clay look."
MG: "People think he's cute. :pukes
AMAI: "Gay young men at Sucks think he's cute. And the old gays too. I can see how they would like him. But his voice needs studio help."
MG: "Actually I think Sligh was better. But you had to not look at Sligh to enjoy it."
AMAI: "Yes!"

I suppose it's just what you like and/or are used to. I don't like his voice or his look, and he hasn't given me a reason to like him.

Mr. AMAI: "This is a schoolboy's uniform."
QB: "It is. I hate his tie."
AMAI: "Is it? I cannot stand him. I hope I've got the right picture here."

He's singing in his usual style. The song is boring; there's a very good reason it wasn't a hit.

Mr. AMAI: "This sucks."
giselle: "What is this??? It's not disco. How did he get this far???"
AMAI: "Ugh, it's horrible."
MG: "I liked one song he did very early on."
giselle: "I liked Blake at first too, but it's gotten old."
AMAI: "Nursing home old. I tried to like him, but he's not my type of gay. Could you imagine a whole album of this shit?"
MG: "Hell no."
QB: "He is in danger, big time."
AMAI: "Good!"

Randy: "You don't have to beat box on every joint."
Paula: "If he can, if he can."
Randy: "Not every time."
Paula: "If he can…"
Randy: "No."
giselle: "Paula is all about the guys. Only one she has left, I guess."
AMAI: "She might get further with Lakisha."

Paula finally quits arguing with Randy and gets on with her comments: "You're the contemporary rebel. I don't know that song, but I did enjoy you singing. You sang spot on and on-key."
Mr. AMAI: "Someone, cut her off."
Simon: "I don't know that song. I found it completely tuneless. You have had a bad night. That was a really, really weird choice of song."

giselle: "Lol. Simon tells it how it is."
AMAI: "I have to say it wasn't completely tuneless. The song on Dancing With The Stars that Joey & Kym did their mambo to was a better example of completely tuneless."
MG: "AMAI, this is Blake hate hour. Please cooperate."
AMAI: "LOL. I would if I could but I can't. Not on that point. I'll give the judges the rest of the points."
giselle: "Hopefully next season is better."
AMAI: "You know, giselle, we say that every season. I've come to the realization that this is pretty much it. This is reality TV. It sucks because reality sucks."
QB: "lol Very true, AMAI."
giselle: "That is why we are all here, isn't it?"

Simon's evil twin, Judge Judy, was in the audience and Ryan hauls her to her feet and she promptly runs over to bestow a kiss on Simon. Ryan points out that Simon's mom is also here but nobody wants to spend time on her. Judge Judy is in the house!

Ryan tries for more facetime and reflected glory, as Judy comes back into camera range. "Let's tell the truth," says Ryan to us as he puts a conspiratorial arm around Judy's shoulders. "They've been dating for 3 months." Haha laughs all round.

Mr. AMAI: "Someone tell Eamish to get on with it."
QB: "Eamish?"
AMAI: "I think he means Ryan. I don't know. You read his recap."
QB: "Must be nice to invent your own words."
AMAI: "Do you know how many definitions of the word 'meow' there are?"
Mr. AMAI: "Me and the cat, we're like this."

Kiki
Song 2: Run To Me

Barry helps her improve the song performance. He says it's a challenge.

AMAI: "Kiki will rise to the challenge."

A few moments later...

AMAI: "What a sucky song choice. Too many downbeat songs tonight."
giselle: "And …we have cleavage and the dress shows every bump and roll. Girl's got boobs."
AMAI: "She's got everyone's boobs. That much cleavage is shades of Haley. And the dress makes me think of an actual peppermint patty."

QB: "I like boobs, but no thanks. Jesus. She looks like a watermelon. Who dresses these people?"
AMAI: "She is probably given the right to make final choice."
QB: "Well, take that away!"
AMAI: "There isn't a lot of choice for the super plus size."
QB: "I guess."
giselle: "The singing is uninspiring. No goosebumps. She is screaming again."
AMAI: "It's bad. She could be in danger."
MG: 'This is boring."
QB: "Horrid."
AMAI: "But Blake needs to leave. I will survive if I never hear him bleatbox again."
MG: "She will leave though."
AMAI: "Sigh. The end is the best part, when she stops singing."

Randy: "You went a bit hoarse at the end, but much better."
Paula: "Don't beat yourself over that. You're still a champ."
Simon: "You & Blake are vulnerable tonight."

Jordin
Song 2: Woman in Love.

Barry says her version is different from Barbra Streisand's, which I would hope so. I didn't realize that this song was written by Barry Gibb. You learn something new every other day, don't you? Barry tells Jordin that her gift is she can choose whether to make the high notes intense or hard. He tells us he thinks she'll be one of our greatest recording artists.

For the performance she's changed into a very flattering turquoise gown.

giselle: "Nice dress."
QB: "See! She looks good! Nice dress, good hair."
AMAI: "Lovely dress. She looks good."
QB: "The others look like crap. She is doing very well."
AMAI: "She's a big girl. How does she manage to look so good?"
MG: "Yes, the song choices were awful."
AMAI: "Jordin looks like the winner. Anyone else would be wrong."
MG: "Very reminiscent of Barry Manilow week. I like this song, though. Is that wrong?"
AMAI: "Not at all. It's a great song. She is lovely and has a pop accessible voice. Melinda doesn't have that most of the time."
MG: "She would be a very Kelly-like winner."
AMAI: "This is better than Streisand."
giselle: "Oh, I love her."
QB: "She is doing great with the high notes! Excellent! Your next American Idol."
AMAI: "YES!"

Randy: "Pitchy, not your best. Tough song."
Paula: "You look your best. It was not… I love you anyway."
Simon: "Old-fashioned, and pageanty, from dress, to song choice. Ugh, I mean, you're only 17."

AMAI: "Did Paula only have time to put eyeshadow on one eye?"
giselle: "Lol"
QB: "Lol. She probably thought she put it on both. She's so hammered, she sees double."
AMAI: "Hammered and nailed. She needs staples."
Mr. AMAI: "Why isn't anyone saying, 'You missed the mid-tones'?"
AMAI: "Because it's not a pre-approved comment."

WHO SHOULD GO?
AMAI: "I feel beaten into submission by the song choices tonight. Jordin is definitely #1, though."
giselle: "They were good songs that no-one could sing."
AMAI: "Blake is a pukefest. Jordin #1, Blake #4."
giselle: "Jordin and that's it... No? OK, then Melinda, then Kiki, then Blake."
MG: "Kiki #2."
AMAI: "Kiki and Melinda tied for 2nd or 3rd."
QB: "I agree completely."
Mr. AMAI: "What a shit night."
All: "Agreed!"

RESULTS NIGHT.
The evening begins with Simon sitting in the middle, clapping like Paula, and Paula sitting in Simon's usual spot and she's rubbing her chest in an exaggerated way. This convinces me that Lakisha is going home.

With an hour to fill, Ryan has to tap all the usual items and then some. He does man in the street interviews, he takes us on a shlep down memory lane back to the Final 12, he sends it to Pink to perform. Then we have the usual Ford Pimpmercial, with the kids dressed in wacky outfits lip-synching to some song or other. Then there's the Idol Challenge winner, and another lame question for next week. Something we don't often get is the Group Sing, but because there are only 4 Kids left, this week we have to have a medley of Bee Gee songs. It's one of the worst Group Sings ever, so we chit-chat throughout:

AMAI: "Mr. AMAI thinks Melinda will win."
QB: "Yep. Ugh. I hope not."
giselle: Me too. Although, she could go the way of Ruben- where is he anyways?:
QB: "Wendy's."
giselle: "lol"
AMAI: "He can't get out of bed."
giselle:: "lol"
AMAI: "Ironically, he's slipped through Idol's cracks."
giselle: Well, we had a Ford commercial. Now an ad for this stupid Fantastic Four movie."
AMAI: "This is Idol Taking Back. Mega revenue from major corporate sponsors."
QB: *Yawn*

Finally we get some results. Jordin is declared safe. Then it's time for a performance by Barry Gibb.

QB: "Mumbles Gibb is up."
giselle: "What is up with his mouth?"
Tampa: "Something is wrong with his lips?"
AMAI: "They disappeared into his mouth."
Tampa: "He is awful."
QB: "Wow, hideous. AAAHHHHH. Jesus."
AMAI: "I can live without this sound."
QB: "This is really bad."
giselle: "My expectations were pretty low. You expected more?"
QB: "I expected at least decent. He wouldn't get past the screening at auditions."
AMAI: "I didn't know what we might get. He should have done 1941 Mining Disaster. That would be topical, with the global warming hysteria. Press all the wrong buttons."
Mr. AMAI: "He can still sing, eh? I found it pitchy."
giselle: "He made millions being pitchy."
AMAI: "Have we run out of shit to say about this fucking lameass show?"
Tampa: "It needs to be just over with."
AMAI: "Yeah, it does. How about they declare Jordin the winner and have a sing off to see who's going to be named 2nd, 3 and 4th?"

Finally eventually it's actually time to declare who is leaving. First, Melinda is safe. Then Blake is safe, which means that alas, it's Lakisha's time to go. I really liked her. She had some bad weeks, but she had some great weeks too. For me her best song was This Aint A Love Song in Bon Jovi week. Best of luck, Kiki!!

Thanks for reading. See you next week.

SirLinksALot American Idol has more articles and recaps about this Sixth season of AI.

AI6 Drew's Reviews: May 8, 2007

2007-05-09T13:49:00.000-04:00

I find it hilarious that the producers are so clearly determined to pimp Jordin to the victory, but she is not cooperating with them, handing in shaky performances, and now the JUDGES are not cooperating, either. I wonder if the audience is really on her side or not...

MELINDA - Round 1 -- She was absolutely correct in her fear that this song was too much about sex for her. She shouldn't have done it. She has no understanding - visceral or even intellectual - about sex, and without that, this song falls flat. I didn't believe for a fraction of a second that she was passionately in love. Boooring!

BLAKE - Round 1 -- This is a hard one for me to critique, as I think he was successful in what he was trying to accomplish. He obviously loves dance music, but it's not about the hot sexy disco music. He's more about the cold, intellectual, dispassionate 90's techno vibe. It's a legitimate style, but it's not one of my favorites. I do like the quality of his falsetto voice.

LAKISHA - Round 1 -- I actually really liked her "Staying Alive". I think that she is the only one who understands the ferocity inherent in being a disco diva, and that passion and energy made it fun to watch despite the slower tempo. Also, whereas all four idols changed the songs pretty substantially in Round 1, I think that LaKisha is the only one who did so to ENTERTAIN us. The others seemed more intent on making the song fit their style or in showing off vocally.

JORDIN - Round 1 -- Tonight Jordin's look was really reminding me of Sara Ramirez. That fits pretty well with the enormous scary ogress theme from last week... This performance wasn't awful, but of three versions of this song done on the show (at least that I can remember), Jordin's was the worst. Clay outdid her technically, and Josh WAAAAAAY outperformed her in terms of sincerity and heart. I think the song is emotionally way beyond what the young, inexperienced Jordin can muster. All she is left with is the vocal, which was okay but not "wow"...

MELINDA - Round 2 -- Here was a song on which I EXPECTED her to wow us vocally, and she didn't. It was good. It was solid. It wasn't amazing. At the end, I thought she was going to blow me out with the ending (the last syllable on three ascending notes). She ruined it, though, by taking a breath after the second note and turning the third into a run. Cheap... Melinda is becoming more and more like LaToya to me (albeit more lovable) -- she is consistently good but never great. I'd rather have somebody who is less consistent but more capable of greatness.

BLAKE - Round 2 -- I don't know the song, and therefore, I could easily see it as being contemporary. I don't know how much Blake had to change it to give it that feeling -- perhaps not at all... I didn't like it, though. He spoke-sang most of it, and when he actually did sing, he was flat and his tone was pinched and almost nasally (how could Paula say he was in tune?). More importantly, I didn't know what the performance was trying to be. There was no point of view there and too much was thrown in. His first song had a clear intent, whether you like it or not. The second song was more just to sing a song...

LAKISHA - Round 2 -- I thought this was pretty good, but she was a bit too careful. If she wasn't in a competition and worried about her every move, I bet she could tear this song UP~! The catch on the last note was unfortunate and left a bad final impression, but it was no worse than what was happening with Kelly Clarkson at this point in the competition. It was a'ight.

JORDIN - Round 2 -- I'm afraid I may be giving too much credit to the song, but I actually liked this and didn't hear or didn't notice the pitch problems the judges had. I have found with Jordin that when she plants her feet and doesn't move, she's very good. If she takes even a single step, she sucks. That limitation is not a good thing in a performer...

My rankings:
Round 1:
1. LaKisha
2. Melinda
3. Jordin
4. Blake

Round 2:
1. Jordin
2. LaKisha
3. Melinda
4. Blake

Both rounds together:
1. Jordin - Round 2
2. LaKisha - Round 1
3. LaKisha - Round 2
4. Melinda - Round 2
5. Melinda - Round 1
6. Jordin - Round 1
7. Blake - Round 1
8. Blake - Round 2

Overall:
1. LaKisha
2. Jordin
3. Melinda
4. Blake

SirLinksALot American Idol has more articles and recaps about this Sixth season of AI.

DWTS4 "May 7 Performances"

2007-05-08T14:11:00.000-04:00

Host Tom bestows a handle upon each of the five trying for a place in the semi-finals:

Showman: Joey
Fighter: Laila
Perfectionist: Ian
Olympian: Apolo
Crazy Bear: Billy Ray

Did he do this on previous weeks? Is further comment really even needed here? LOL. The Semi-Finals, a fancy term for "four couples left," are next week, with The Finals the following week, when there will remain only three couples to battle for the Crown and the Mirror Ball.

While Tom Bergeron voices-over their names, the five couples head onto the dance floor dressed in their ballroom dancing finery. As always, the dresses look absolutely gorgeous. Samantha is wearing a black sheath, her pregnant tummy just starting to be somewhat noticeable.

Once again there will be Ballroom round followed by a Latin round. Both will be judged by the judges Len, Carrie Ann and Bruno for a total of 60 possible points.

BALLROOM ROUND

IAN & CHERYL.
Foxtrot for Ballroom and Rumba for Latin.
Like last week, there is only the one "rehearsal segment" for each couple, during which we're given the names of both dances they will perform. During rehearsal Ian produces a cake for Cheryl's birthday. Aww, it even has a 10 on it, which is kind of cute if unrealistic. If I liked this couple more I would root for them to get a 10, but I've never warmed up to her and he seems mean. They eat a little of the cake but before too long Ian has smashed the main part of the cake into Cheryl's chest. Hey, how about offering a piece to the camera crew first?

Ian diaries he's glad they're doing a Rumba now, rather than earlier in the competition when they were still feeling their way in their dancing relationship. Now he reckons he & Cheryl are comfortable together. We will see.

For the Foxtrot, her dress is long and white, with a bias-cut hem that whirls and twirls attractively. White faux fur at the cuffs and around the hem add a delightful touch. The dancing is pleasant. Near the end they execute something that looks like can-can steps. Eh? Is that a normal foxtrot maneuver? In the audience, Marilu Henner (thank you, MG!) applauds like a mad fool.

AMAI: "They look like they're having fun, and they have nice synchronicity. Do you know the song, MG?"
MG: "I think it's Baby It's Cold Outside."
AMAI: "Thanks, I'll go with that! I love her dress. It's cuddly."
MG: "The dress fits the song well. It has a Mrs. Clause element to it, but sexy."

Len says he's always thought of Ian as Mr. Consistency, but tonight he thinks Ian took a bit of a dip. Len calls their dancing too "skippy" and "hoppy." Bruno agrees, adding, "It was all in your face, but your body was like a jumping goat." Carrie Ann acknowledges the footwork was off, but what the couple did have was exuberance and charm.

Scores: 8, 7, 7 for a total of 22/30.

AMAI: "22 is no longer good enough."
MG: "No. That's a strong week one score."
AMAI: "The other weeks' scores don't matter, do they?"
MG: "I don't think so."

JOEY & KYM
Waltz and Mambo
Joey plans to pass everyone tonight. Kym says Joey has all the ingredients to win, such as the right attitude and being good at everything. He smirks into the camera and repeats the line about "good at everything," so she adds "modest and humble." Ha! He says he feels confident, not cocky. Rehearsal footage includes Kym riding Joey like a pony. They're feeling punchy, so they take a break and go to the Kentucky Derby, where Joey campaigns for votes like a politician.

MG: "I didn't know people really dressed like that for the Derby."
AMAI: "Isn't the Derby in Kentucky? As in, they needed to take a plane to get there? Seems a waste of much-needed rehearsal time to me. Is it written into the show's contract that each week someone has to take an airplane ride?"

Joey says he knows Len hates razzle-dazzle, so the plan is to execute a straight-up waltz. There is more joking around in rehearsal but I think it's getting late in the season for rehearsal footage to sell the contestants to us. That was worthwhile early on, when we didn't know either the star or the dancer or both, but now? Now is maybe even a good time to do away with the "rehearsal segment" and cut this show down by a half-hour.

For the performance, Joey wears a black tux and white shirt, and Kym is in a pink flouncy prom dress. Their look is rather Ken & Barbie. No, wait, it's like the figurines on a wedding cake have come to life. "I'll be Loving You Always" is the song. I'm rather bored watching them whirl around so I watch Kym's full petticoat skirt whirl out instead.

AMAI: "This dance was really dull."
MG: "Yes. It was the song, I think."

Bruno says it was "stripped down prim and proper." He likes the razzle dazzle and tells them to stick to what they do best. "It looked like a rehearsal. You could be in the final, but this is not good enough." Carrie Ann agrees with Bruno, calling it a "solid technical waltz" but lamenting the missing Joey specialness that she's come to expect from this couple's performances. At least Len sounds pleased: "You didn't over-dance, and you showed a different side to your character. Not the wham bam thank you mam kind of dancing. It was lovely. Don't listen to these two!" Given that commentary, one would expect a 10 from Len, right?

Wrong. The scores are 9, 9, 8 for a total of 26/30. So the proof is there. They might not get a 10 from Len, but they're better off adding the razzle dazzle and taking Len's 9 than losing the possibility of earning 10s from Carrie Ann and Bruno.

AMAI: "I agree with the two judges."
MG: "But not Len?"
AMAI: "No. He's full of it. He demands they cut away the razzle dazzle, but when they do, and he still doesn't give a 10 even though his comments sound like he got what he wanted. So why bother trying to please only him?"
MG: "lol."

BILLY RAY & KARINA
Foxtrot and Rumba.

During rehearsal she hogties him at the knees in an effort to get him to experience having his legs together. He jokes, "You always make me feel special when you do that." There is more half-hearted practicing. Poor Karina looks like she is in pain trying to get Billy Ray to learn the steps.

For the Foxtrot, Karina wears a simple pale pink gown, Billy Ray is in a dark suit. The song, laughably, is "Stand By Your Man." I can't help but recall the Blues Brothers' version. I've either forgotten the lesson for this dance (i.e., its signature points), or nobody ever told us it was supposed to feature leg kicks. For them, it's pretty good. It feels like we have to measure Billy Ray on a different scale.

AMAI: "This is as good as Billy Ray gets. There were actually some nice moments in there."
MG: "Despite the overly-forceful leading, it was pretty good for Billy Ray. 1. Billy Ray 2. Ian."
AMAI: "lol."
MG: "Oh I forgot Joey. Where to put him?"
AMAI: 1. Billy Ray 2. Joey 3. Ian."
MG: "I think so, actually."

Carrie Ann begins by marveling at the fact that Billy Ray is still here. She gives props for the improvement since week 1, when you may recall visible counting the steps on fingers! Len commends them for having the most dancing content of any dance he's seen them do so far. But with that said, "All the right steps but at the wrong time." HA! Still, "Entertaining. Good show." Bruno's babble may be summed up in two of his words, "Deliciously awful."

Scores: 7, 6, 5 for a dismal 18/30. Billy Ray is truly finished, I think. Only a miracle of voting might save him but I know the judges are ready for him to leave. I think he's had enough too. I had the impression he was hoping to be eliminated last week.

MG: "lol Bruno just said it was crap."
AMAI: "The judges used to give overly high scores to Clompy. Why couldn't one of them give him that 8?"
MG: "Because they are tired of him. They were trying to prop Heather up."
AMAI: "ROFL."
MG: "I can't believe I am defending Billy Ray so much."

LAILA & MAKS
Waltz and Jive.

Laila explains it's a special night because her mom and dad are here. It's always an occasion when Mohammed Ali makes an appearance, even though he looks like he's incapable of understanding what is going on around him. Mr. AMAI tells me that his mind is fine, he's just got the shakes. Laila talks about her dad being proud of her, and how much she is proud of both her parents. She signs off, "Daddy, we choreographed this song for you."

To begin, she's laying on the steps of the little stage, her head on a lovely pillow surrounded by roses. Sleeping Beauty. Maks comes towards her and awakens her. She's in a gorgeous sleeveless red dress accessorized with elbow-high red gloves. They whirl around and when they near her father, she blows a slow kiss to him. It's a little cheesy but also kind of cool. They whirl and twirl some more, and when the dance is done Maks escorts Laila back to her pillow. I thought it was quite lovely. Ali is watching with an unreadable (for me) expression on his face.

Len calls it "poignant, elegant, classy." He takes issue again with the posture. But, other than that, "Brilliant."
Bruno: "For me now we are in business." He calls her the lady in red with a look of love. However, he also tells her to watch the posture.
Carrie Ann seems to disagree with both men judges because she doesn't discuss posture. Instead she says, "What you brought to the dance is emotion. That is most important for me anyway. It was true and very profound."

MG: "I love Laila's hair straight."
AMAI: "I can't even remember what her hair looked like before. That was pretty good for such a quiet dance. She is very striking in red."
MG: "Yes, and I love her speaking voice. 1. Laila. 2. Billy Ray. 3. Joey. 4. Ian."
AMAI: "Agreed."

Judges' Scores: 9, 9, 9 = 27/30.

Mr. AMAI: "This guy in the blue shirt [Ian] is gonna drag his parents out now."

APOLO & JULIANNE
Tango and Paso Doble

Julianne says Len's comments sucked, but Apolo says the hard words galvanized them to do better. Apolo has no doubt they will be in the finals. They focus on training and developing fabulous routines that will be mind-blowing.

For the Tango, he wears a black tux with a red shirt; she is in a black sparkly backless dress. They come from separate corners and meet in the middle as Jessie's Girl starts up. The movements are stark.

QualityBobby: "Okay, I'm watching. Just for you!"
AMAI: "Hi, QB! Thanks. Apolo & Julianne's Tango is HOT!"
QB: "They are killing Jesse's Girl. Ugh. I loved that song."
MG: "Like the song was any good to begin with."
AMAI: "The band does its best to sing what they're asked to, but that's not the real focus here."

I have the impression that Apolo is playing a role of the stoic, who is actually dancing with the girl in the song, in that she is the woman he loves whom he cannot have because she belongs to another. Either that, or he's concentrating on executing the steps and keeping posture and all the other bits of business. It's very fast-paced, especially given it's a Tango, but it's the most exciting of the ballroom dances so far tonight, perhaps even all season!

AMAI: "OMG - that dance was great!"
QB: "The singing was brutal."
MG: "It's part of the appeal. Actually, it usually is brutal on this show, QB. We are used to it."
AMAI: "Inured is the word."
QB: "Must make the dancing look better by comparison."
MG: "No, better music would make the dancing better."

Bruno: "Electric, dynamic, inventive choreography. Finally I am excited." That's a 10 from him.
Carrie Ann: "Tonight you were fantastic. Completely in sync." She tries to say that in other weeks Apolo has had trouble with either the upper or lower half of his body but tonight..." the crowd booing has to be hushed, so she can explain that this week he didn't have that problem; everything was fabulous.
Len begins, "It lacked passion, drama..."

Tom Bergeron comes over and bops Len with his papers. Bruno exclaims, "You're losing your marbles." The crowd boos loudly and long.

Len is not swayed: "It was far too hectic. A cacophony of noise. The tango is a passionate slow dance."

Tom says to the couple, "Keep it in context, we are well past his bedtime." Haha. Finally Tom earns some kudos from me for his hosting on this show. How many weeks has it taken?

AMAI: "Lacked drama? OMG. Len is missing the point of the dance AND the song they chose."
MG: "A cacophony of noise lol."
AMAI: "Len is just loopy with these comments."
MG: "Len is so dramatic."
AMAI: "I lost respect for him and his demand that the dance be Pure when he didn't give a 10 to someone who gave him what he said he wanted."
MG: "Yeah I don't care about purity."

Scores: 9 (or was that 10?), 8, 10: 27/30

There is a bit of a mix-up. Carrie-Ann held up a 10, she said, "10," but her computer recorded a 9. The confusion is soon sorted and the scores righted to 10, 8, 10 for a total of 28/30.

MG: "1. Apolo. 2. Laila. 3. Billy Ray. 4. Joey. 5. Ian."
AMAI: "Agreed!"
MG: "I think he's going to win."
AMAI: "I think so too. IF they can keep this up."
MG: "Even his videos beforehand say a lot."

Break.

QB: "I like Apolo and Julianne. I want him or Laila to win. He would be my choice."
MG: "Apolo and Joey are great. But Laila!! <3. It's time for a female winner."
AMAI: "Perhaps, but she & Maks need to step it up. I like Apolo and Laila, but for me, it's whoever brings the best dancing. Apolo looked like a winner tonight, more so than either of Joey or Laila."
QB: "I don't like Joey Fat One."
MG: "I'll tell you who I really don't like: the hosts on this show."
QB: "Me either. The announcer's voice with the dumb accent on this show annoys me. I want to punch that announcer right in his mush mouth."
MG: "Accent?"
QB: "He enunciates oddly."
MG: "Very game show host."
AMAI: "Funnily enough, Tom Bergeron hosts America's Funniest Videos or something. I like him more than the host of that other Home Videos show. I put up with Tom and Samantha. They're not the main focus for me."
QB: "And the little sawed off suck ass judge who screams "TEN! needs to be slapped too."
MG: "Bruno? I like him! He's so animated."
AMAI: "I like him too. He's fabulous with his crazy French analogies. But I have to say Tom is winning me over tonight with his comments. Bruno is OTT, over the top."
QB: "Little fucker."
MG: "Oh Bruno can be mean, QB."
AMAI: "Yes, he can be. When he doesn't like something, you know it."
QB: "That's good. At least he can change it up."
AMAI: "Len needs to be segregated for his own safety. I see what he's saying, but ballroom dancing is dull."
QB: "I have to walk the dog. Be right back."
MG: "Sigh. No John tonight. I think we have a pretty predictable two weeks ahead of us. Billy Ray this week, Ian next week, then a final 3 free-for-all."
AMAI: "Yes. I would be shocked if Billy Ray stayed ahead of any of the others."

LATIN ROUND
IAN & CHERYL
He's in blue top and black pants, she's in a blue sparkly dress with the midriff cut out. They're dancing to John Lennon's Imagine. It looks clumsy and wooden to me.

Mr. AMAI: "He's phony, because he was raised in captivity and as a child his parents dragged him to those auditions. He was always told how to act and he had to act a certain way. He never had the opportunity to grow as a human being. It's almost like a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde thing going on."
AMAI: "Song doesn't go at all with this dance."
MG: "No, but it was ok. It didn't suck for once."
AMAI: "I thought it was worse than the other dance they did."
MG: "Really? I liked this better. His hips were ok. I will be paying attention to hips tonight."
AMAI: "I didn't want to look at his hips. It felt clumsy to me."

Carrie Ann: "You were trying to do the passion. But it wasn't generating from any place of authenticity."
Len: "Poses were good. Great hip action. But it lacked naturalness. Looked like you were thinking too much of what Cheryl taught you."
Bruno: "I thought you were in business. A great improvement from the knock you took last week."
Scores: 8, 8, 9. Total 25/30.

AMAI: "Oh, we should do a separate rating scale, then add them together."
MG: "Ok. 1. Ian"
AMAI: "Lol. Ian, enjoy your one-spot while it lasts. I think he's mean."
MG: "Mean? 'Splain yourself."
AMAI: "Under the veneer of semi-respectability, he looks like he wouldn't hesitate to be mean."
MG: "Yeah he kind of looks like a punk."
AMAI: "Something in his face looks like he would be mean just to be mean, not because he needed to deliver honest truth."
MG: "Wow."
AMAI: "I was watching him as he listened to the comments. I don't think he has a real connection with anyone, except maybe his own reflection."
MG: "Yeah, he's gross."
AMAI: "Ooooo. Yay! You agree."

JOEY & KYM
Mambo
He's in black, she's in champagne. It's back to the tricks as he flips his hat from his foot to his head albeit awkwardly. Kym's dress features a hot pink petticoat that peeks out as she moves. The song is weird. They're moving but it clashes with the music and is unpleasant to watch. Not one of their best performances at all.

Len: "Clever underarm turns. But you seemed to spend a lot of time between each other's legs."
Bruno: "You pimped the mambo and I liked it! You're good at giving people a good time. And Kym too."
Carrie Ann: "You're so at ease on the dance floor. I appreciate you've stepped it up and you're bringing it."

Scores: 10, 9, 10: 29/30.

MG: "That was too much, in my opinion."
AMAI: "I did not like it."
MG: "It wasn't sexy at all and there should be some sexiness to that dance."
AMAI: "Absolutely. It was slutty."
MG: "It looked like N'Synch choreography. Like he should've been dancing with 4 other guys."
AMAI: "Ha! N'Sync on pep pills. Still, they got two 10s. The moves might have worked had they fit the song."
MG: "Better than Ian, tho. 1. Joey. 2. Ian."

BILLY RAY & KARINA
Mambo
For their Mambo, he's in all black and she is in a hot pink skirt and bikini top. The second time I watch I realize he is doing quite a few steps. Okay, he's not Apolo class, and I'm not even sure if the footwork can technically be called a Mambo but, like we said earlier, there is a charm to Billy Ray.

Mr. AMAI: "He has no grace at all."
AMAI: "He's kind of like the groom at his own wedding. By which I mean, he's dancing like a drunk man. Is it me or is Billy Ray drunk?"
MG: "Sloppy but still an improvement from earlier weeks. I'm happy. If he had to outlast my John, I'd rather he be actually trying."

Once the dance is over, Billy Ray takes a moment to shake Mohammed Ali's hand and make some "shadow boxer" movements. Poor Mohammed looks like he hasn't the faintest idea what Billy Ray is doing.

Bruno: "You're like a wild beast who cannot be tamed. If you remain in the competition, your partner will be in the Betty Ford."
Carrie Ann: "Your ballroom was better, but you make people think that they can do this too."
Len: "You always are entertaining. However, this isn't a competition where you do one and get one free."

Scores: 6, 7, 7. Oh well, no 8s for Billy Ray. 20/30 for this dance.

AMAI: "Yes. He is entertaining. I'm surprised that nobody gave him an 8."
MG: "1. Billy Ray 2. Joey 3. Ian"
AMAI: "Agreed. The judges gave them a total of 38 out of 60. I mean, it's shit, right?"
MG: "Yes, that's awful."
AMAI: "It was a bit sloppy but I think they gave Ian too high of a score."
MG: "I agree. Those two need a shake up."

LAILA & MAKS
Jive.
He's in a white suit with a black shirt; she's in a sparkly black dress with a red belt and a red flower in her hair and thin red hoop earrings. The song is Leroy Brown. The routine has overtones of Wise Guy and his Moll. It is very cute and well executed!

Carrie Ann: "Clever, funky, great footwork. Watch your arms on turns."
Len: "Laila is great, but I have an issue with Maks and the content. You spent 12 bars waving a hanky! No more laying on pillows, enough with the flouncing. More content!"
Bruno: "I agree with Len. Why give appetizer when you can deliver a great dish?"
Len: "It's not like Laila is a bad dancer. This girl can really dance, you don't have to cover it up."

Scores: 9, 8, 9: 26/30 for the Jive. Total of 53/60 for the night.
MG: "We're at the stage of the competition where the dancers are getting critiqued along with the 'stars.'"
AMAI: "Oh yes. Excellent point. If the choreography is sub-par, it's usually the pros' fault. Laila is so cute in her after-dance interview, "We still want the 10s too, I don't know what he's talking about."
MG: "Lol."
AMAI: "Still, she goes into the number 1 spot for the moment."

APOLO & JULIANNE
Paso Doble.
Apolo whips the black skirt lined in yellow/orange from Julianne's body and waves it around like a cape for a moment. Then he replaces it on her body so they may begin the dance proper. The movements are strong and sure. It's the best Paso Doble I've seen this season, I think. There is one point at which he executes a Russian-like move, making his way up the dance floor on bent knees. She runs up, almost like a bull, and does the splits, landing beside him. He hauls her up and they continue. At another point he seems to fling her to the ground and she spins around. It's just an amazing performance with lots of exciting and dramatic moves. I could watch it again easily. I hope they get the Encore this week for this one.

AMAI: "It sounds like a Russian song."
MG: "I was just gonna say the dance had a Russian feel. That knee thing Apolo did…"
AMAI: "Marvelous blend of Spanish & Russian elements. Definitely #1. They worked hard and it shows!"

Len: "Passion, drama, everything. That is a proper dance."
Bruno: "You're a champion looking at the finish line and going for the kill."
Carrie Ann: "I had chills the whole time. You're in it to win it." Oh boy, that sounds like a perfect score. Sure enough, the scores are 10, 10, 10 for the only 30/30 of the night.

Apolo & Julianne threw down the gauntlet tonight with these performances. They jumped out of the "pack of three" with aggressive and powerful dancing and innovative bits of business that grabbed and held one's attention. They went from The Cute Couple to The Couple To Beat.

Our Ratings were the same for both rounds: "1. Apolo. 2. Laila. 3. Billy Ray. 4. Joey. 5. Ian." AMAI + MG: "Wooowww!"
MG: "If Ian goes home tomorrow I will jump up and down."
AMAI: "Me too. Billy Ray is more fun to watch than Ian."
MG: "Absolutely. His energy compensates."
AMAI: "Is that too much to hope for? Maybe the judges' low scores will have caused Billy Ray's fans to vote more than usual. I guess it's unlikely to happen."
MG: "No, I think it's very possible. The demographics for this show would support Billy Ray over Ian."
AMAI: "I would love it. Cheryl has a look of entitlement because she's won before. I've never warmed up to her. Oh my god, remember when?"
MG: "When we hated him? Yes, I recall. That's why earlier I said I couldn't believe I was defending him."
AMAI: "Did I hate him too? Maybe, in week 1 or something. But he's got a charm. Cowboy charm."
MG: "Yes, he does. He has charisma. I think I was biased against Billy Ray because I saw him as John's competition."
AMAI: "Billy Ray seems to be in his skin, whereas Ian does not. It's like Ian is operating himself from a remote control panel. Putting all the right facial expressions on, but not feeling it."
MG: "Ian does seem forced and Billy Ray seems real."

AMAI: "Amazing how far we have come in the competition. Having Billy Ray outlast Ian would be the shock upset this competition needs lol."

Thanks for reading. See you next week for Semi-Finals.

***

SirLinksALot Dancing With The Stars links have more recaps and articles about Season 4 of this show.

AI6 'Bon Jovi Week is Finally Here!!!'

2007-05-05T16:57:00.000-04:00

The Best Episode of AI EVER!

"Antonella is in da house!" It's kind of only fair, right? A little sump'n, sump'n for Mr. AMAI, seeing as how JON BON JOVI is here to mentor the Kids tonight, plus we'll be listening to awesome songs and hopefully none of the Kids will suck.

Is Ryan going to make a habit of being unshaven on Performance Night? I don't remember now if he pulled this stunt in the early rounds; I like to think I would remember, but years of smoking the Sanjaya may have toyed with my brain. He sighs a huge sigh of relief vicariously for all 6 of the Final 6, but especially for Lakisha and Chris and Phil and Blake and basically everyone NOT named Melinda or Jordin. Ah yes, the shock of a non-elimination. You'd think the TAR viewers among us would be used to it by now. To somehow "make up" for the bye, this week two shall be cruelly cut from the competition.

"Who has the chops?" wonders Ryan. He neatly executes a quarter turn, working the pause: "THIS {beat, beat, beat} is American Idol." Cue the funky biddee biddee noises.

AMAI: "Who has the chops. and who has the cutlets? Too bad Sanjaya's not here, that ham."
QB: "Heh. I am nuking my dinner as we speak. Sanjaya would rock tonight!!!"

After the credits, Ryan sends a huge thank-you out to everyone who helped amass the nearly $70 million raised last week. I admit I was pretty negative last week. I mean, more so than usual. After reading the Anonymous posters' comments last week, I got to thinking that there is something positive for me to take from the viewers' response. Whenever I broach the idea of getting rid of taxes altogether, people raise the issue of "what will happen to the less fortunate?" Somehow, everyone thinks nobody would ever want to help them. But the proof is here: 70 million votes rather than the usual 32 million. For whatever reasons, the viewers turned out in droves. There's no reason to fear that people would not respond to an honest call for help. The voters weren't getting a "tax break" either. Pooled together, they raised a lot of money. And that is my positive spin on last week. On with the recap.

Ryan feels he has permission to be extra cheeky, and introduces the judges as "Our three needy children." Randy looks high, Paula giggles in a very special way, and Simon laughs at his new middle name: Simon "I've been in the sun" Cowell.

This week voters will have two numbers again. And in fact there are nearly 70 million votes again. It turns out my pal QualityBobby need not have worried about whether there would be a huge disparity between this week and last week.

And now, for the Star of the Night, Jon Bon Jovi! First, the Movie Package, with all the data cited: 120 million albums, 40 billion attended god knows how many concerts. I admit letting the numbers wash over me as I drooled at the images from the last 22 years.

AMAI: "LOL - I've seen this footage so many times! I watched my videos so much they don't work anymore."
QB: "Ha! Me too, actually. I do like Bon Jovi a lot!"
AMAI: "I even bought a Jon Bon Jovi Picture Disc Interview and a Richie Sambora album."
QB: "Did you really? Here we go!"

Jon explains that the Kids have to bring sincerity in their delivery. "Make the songs your own." Isn't Jon great? He makes this threadbare speech sound new and fresh that I almost forget we've heard it from every mentor who's taken the trouble to show up and provide mentoring. Makes one wonder how Bono might have delivered the line, eh? Honestly, are the Mentors given scripts?

Along for the ride to help with musical accompaniment is David Bryan who has been with the band since day one.

On April 26 I cobbled together a guess-list of Bon Jovi songs matched up to whom I thought would sing them:

Phil: Blaze of Glory
Lakisha Bed of Roses
Melinda: I'll Be There For You
Chris: Wanted Dead or Alive
Jordin: Livin' on a Prayer
Blake: You Give Love a Bad Name

PHIL
Jon doesn't know how the crowd will respond to Phil doing Blaze of Glory. Jon reminds us he wrote it for the Young Guns movie many years ago. Woo, go me for calling this song for Phil. During rehearsal, Jon says Phil knocked it out of the ballpark: "He has the voice for this song."

Phil: "I was the kid who sang this song in the mirror with comb in hand. I've been doing this song for 15 years!"
QB: "This has disaster written all over it!"
AMAI: "No way. It's country. At least, it's as country as it gets with Bon Jovi."
QB: "Yeah, but it won't be nearly enough."

That lovely melancholic intro: kudos to the guitarist. Phil begins in the audience, making his way down some stairs to the stage. Outfit: black shirt, jeans and a brown over-shirt with what may well be a Gaelic design embroidered on the back.

AMAI: "The first verse sounds good."
QB: "Not bad. The sound is weird: a lot of echo... like an empty theater."
AMAI: "Nice work from the band!"
QB: "He's doing a nice job, actually. I am pleasantly surprised."
AMAI: "Chorus is good. 2nd verse, too."
giselle: "He sounds good. I think."
MG: "I thought he would do better than this."
giselle: "Too bad he's so creepy looking. If I listen and don't look, it's good."
QB: "One of his best performances, I would say."
AMAI: "Way to go Phil, well done. I'm proud!"

Randy is happy Phil did a good job, not least because he recorded that song with Jon back in the day.
MG: "Oh shut UP Randy! 'I recorded that song, I'm such the dawg.'"
Simon: "That was the problem with the song."
AMAI: "Ooo, snarky Simon is back."
Randy ignores Simon: "Other than Country Week, this was your best ever. That was the bomb. Love it."
Paula: "This is a year out of your life you will never forget. Best opening all season long."
Simon: "I don't know about that. {Pause} I thought it was okay. I didn't hear…"

The audience interrupts him to boo loudly.
Simon: "Gimme 5 seconds to talk, then you can boo. I didn't hear any authenticity. In the middle I thought you were like a bad actor. If this were an audition for a rock singer, you wouldn't get the role. I don't think you've done enough to last to next week."
Mr. AMAI: "That was what I was thinking. I don't think Randy or Paula listen as much as Simon does."
QB: "Tough critique out of Simon. I half agree with him. I think Phil did great but he is still going home."
AMAI: "I agree. He won't last to next week, but at least he will go out on a relatively high note."

JORDIN
giselle: "Ohhhh, it's Gina in the audience!"
AMAI: "I saw Antonella earlier."
giselle: "I'll rewind later and look for her."
AMAI: "It's right at the beginning. Almost didn't recognize her with clothes on."
MG: "The dirty whore!"
giselle: "On second thought, never mind."

Jordin chose Livin' On A Prayer. Yay, me. I'm currently two for two. She confessionals, "Nervous is an understatement. My mom will flip out." Her mom is a big fan of the band and Jordin grew up with this music. We watch some rehearsal and it's not going particularly well. Jon concedes this is a very difficult one to sing, and guides her where to change the notes higher. Jordin laments how hard it is.

QB: "That's a tough song, lots of range. She'll have to work for this one."
AMAI: "Jordin can handle it."
QB: "If anyone can, it'll be her."

Jon, not to be left out of the party, exults over her 17-year-old-ness.

For the performance, Jordin's in black, with some rocker chains and necklaces hanging down. She has two guitarists with her onstage, both of whom are shorter than her.

giselle: "She has red streaks in her hair. Shout-out to Gina!"
MG: "I like the hair!"
AMAI: "She looks great. Like a rocker."
MG: "… but very bad song choice. I don't like this. Sorry."
Mr. AMAI: "Hey this isn't a bad night."
AMAI: "You like how she's doing this?"
Mr. AMAI: "Not really. She's making all kinds of mistakes."
AMAI: "Jordin is always a slow starter."
QB: "She might want to shift out of park soon."
MG: "She sounds like a wedding singer."
QB: "I am not loving this at all."
giselle: "Me either. And she is usually my favorite."
AMAI: "Mine too. I'm so disappointed. Why did she choose this song?"
QB: "Hmmm. Really bad start but she is better in the chorus. Really strong finish."
AMAI: "She got there in the end, as DawgDude might say."

Randy: "Interesting one for me. Interesting for you too?"
Jordin: "Yeah."
Randy: "Those verses were a little rough. I could tell from the first low note that you knew."
Paula: "I give credit that you went for it knowing it was a little bit out of your range. Hot guy's band."
Simon: "Cue the boos in advance, because the look is like something out of the Addams family."
Randy: "Oh, I like the look. Look is hot…"
QB: "I agree."
Simon: "As for the singing, it was just out of control, verging on shrieking. Absolutely completely lost control. Massive disadvantage given guy's rock song to sing."

MG: "Lol at Simon cueing the boos but he is right."
giselle: "He usually is."
AMAI: "But she is still adorable and I still love her, and I would hate for her to be eliminated over this."
MG: "Yesssssssss."
giselle: "Still my fav, but too bad, I hated it."
AMAI: "I could handle bottom 3 as long as she's safe. Sometimes a bad review or performance will galvanize the fans."
QB: 'And she is cute enough to get that vote, too. I would like Jordin to win."
MG: "I think she will win."
AMAI: "Me too. I didn't feel like she was shrieking so much as just not sounding like herself."

Ryan (to Simon): "Thank you, Herman Munster."
giselle: "Ryan looks so small."
Mr. AMAI: "I would have called Simon Eddie Munster."
QB: "I am not fond of any of the rest of them. She has the talent. The hair was a little Munsterish, tho."
AMAI: "LOL."

Jordin tells Ryan she was really excited about this week, but at the same time felt worried. "I was all, 'I don't know how this is gonna go.' Meeting him was amazing. I'm glad I was here for it."

LAKISHA
She's onstage beside Ryan, wearing mostly black but the top has a red swatch right in the middle. I'm worried I will be focused on this red material and unable to concentrate on the singing.

Ryan invites her to sit down but she declines. "I want to let the camera get my slim side." Oooh, funny!
Mr. AMAI: "She can't sit down."

A Phantom Viewer wants to know about Kiki's training. "None," she says. "Just church." She promises to give us a lil sumpn, sumpn, at the same time admitting she's never listened to Bon Jovi music. "I saw him on Oprah," she says as if that counts.

QB: "NEVER LISTENED TO BON JOVI???? I hate her even more now."
AMAI: "Aww. I'll forgive it if she does a good job."
QB: "Hmmmm."
AMAI: "If you spend time singing in church, and your parents don't bring the music into the home, chances are good you won't be as familiar with it as other people."

Her song is This Aint A Love Song, which I didn't pick for her. Jon explains, "This is a soul singer's song. I'm glad you found this track. You're pleading and that man is going out that door." She sings some and Jon declares he hopes she brought enough clean clothes for another week. He says to us, "I'm not a bettin' man, but I would bet money that she is not going home this week singing this song." OoooOOooo. Yay! I do like Lakisha but it's been a while since she really brought it, you know?

She has my attention from the outset. Some people notice errors, but not me. The first chorus stirs things up in me, and when she hits the rousing 2nd chorus, I have tears in my eyes. I love it and I love her again. I don't often say it, but Lakisha is definitely "back."

AMAI: "Wow! She is doing an awesome job. This performance builds so nicely."
QB: "She is singing it perfectly, hasn't missed a note. Technically, he could not have sung it better. She just doesn't get me going."
giselle: "Me either, but I don't like her, so... I feel I could be biased. The end isn't bad, the beginning not so much. She can sing."
MG: "I love her. I guess she is doing the best she can with something so out of her comfort zone, but I don't like it."

Randy: "You started pitchy, but you sold me by the middle. You blew that out the box. You proved you can sing tonight. Lakisha's back!"
giselle: "I agree with Randy."
AMAI: "Well, we knew she could sing. I don't know what the problem has been all these weeks."
Paula: "The lower tone of your voice is money in your pocket."
Simon: "Lakisha, I actually could kiss you after that."

Carpe diem! Escorted by Ryan, Lakisha makes her way to the judges' table. Simon plants a kiss right on the lips! The whole room gasps!

Simon: "You were so good."
Lakisha whispers thank you, and strokes his cheek lovingly, as if she's saying, "Thanks for having faith in me." Oh man, I'm getting teary-eyed just recalling the moment. Once she's back up onstage, Simon resumes his commentary.

Simon: "I love that you rose to the challenge. You absolutely nailed it and I'm so glad you are back. Nice lips." Ryan's all, "Yeah, aren't they?" If you recall he sampled their goodness last week.

QB: "She is the anti-Jordin. She sings the low songs so well, and Jordin needs the higher notes. That might be the highest praise I've ever heard from Simon."
MG: "1. Lakisha 2. Phil 3. Jordin. Sorry."
giselle: "So far I agree."
AMAI: "MG, no need to apologize. That is exactly the order I have at this point. Lakisha does not deserve to leave. She really connected with that song and sold it."

BLAKE
The Bleat Box is taking on You Give Love A Bad Name, giving me 3 for 4 on my pre-show predictions.

AMAI: "Ryan said Blake is gonna stick his neck out."
giselle: "Like a turtle?"
QB: "Guillotine?"
AMAI: "LOL. Oh my god, what happened to him? Blake is funkified: he dyed his hair black!"
QB: "Goof ball. This should be interesting!"
AMAI: "Oh yeah. Already I'm prepared to give him a chance."

Jon tells Blake: "Adventurous rendition." Meanwhile, Jon comes across as skeptical when addressing us in a confessional, "[Blake] has to sell his interpretation of a song a lot of people know and don't want messed with." Some readers said they detected a twinkle in Jon's eye when he said this, which they interpreted to mean he liked what Blake did with the song; others, including me, thought he was just being nice and did not like what Blake did.

QB: "He is going to change this??"
AMAI: "Hee. I called this song being sung too."
QB: "Oh my god, this has bad potential."
MG: "I will hate it!!!!!"
AMAI: "No prejudging tonight. We are House of Sunshine & Lollipops."
giselle: "Sunshine, lollipops and Bon Jovi."
MG: "I'll try to have mercy. Although it's probably too late. I prejudged him weeks ago."
giselle: "It will most likely sound the same as every other week."
AMAI: "There are plenty of vomit bags on hand for the suckfest that is coming. Er, I mean, just in case they're needed."
MG: "Ok."

The performance begins. First of all, Blake's dyed hair works to disguise him and fool me into not engaging my automatic "Blake-hate." Before any singing, Blake imitates putting on a record, complete with weird techno-robotic body movements and all sorts of scritchy scratch sounds.

giselle: "I already hate it."
MG: "The intro is bad. OMG he's such a tard."
giselle: "What is with the hair????? He belongs in the 80s."
AMAI: "It fooled me into giving him a chance."
MG: "He dyed it my hair color! My hair does not belong in the 80s! I hate him. Here I am, ready to vomit!"
AMAI: "No projectile vomiting! Have a Blake-sickness bag."
MG: "Thanks."
QB: "His singing is good."
AMAI: "What is it called when you make those noises like you're a record player?"
QB: "Scratching."
AMAI: "Itchy & Scratchy, new nic for Bleat Pox."
QB: " Hahahahaha. Don't be mean. Ren and Stimpy. You know what? I kinda like it..."
AMAI: "It seems well done for what it is, but what it is, is essentially annoying."

I mean, basically the noise-making is trying to make "art" out of what happens to a vinyl album after it's been played so often that it skips, gets stuck and emits other frustrating sounds. I'm just kind of open-mouthed. He sings the chorus more or less normally. Also, being so intent on the moves and funny sounds, I'm less conscious of him making blow-job faces. I'm certainly grateful for that."

QB: "Different, but not bad. If you are going to change it, you have to totally change it."
giselle: "I feel like I am back in an under 21 club listening to this."
AMAI: "Oooo. I'd like to see him do Tainted Love."
MG: "This is fucking awful."
AMAI: "Beepeeepeee. Maybe he can do a new recording of the intro noises for AI."
MG: "If I ever meet him, I swear I will punch him in the face."
giselle: "Lol. I'll help you MG. I'll hold him down, you kick him."

Randy: "Most original version of any song on the show ever! You took a huge risk and guess what, you won. That was hot." Wouldn't be Randy if he didn't find Blake "hot."
AMAI: "Randy creams himself, natch."
MG: "Randy's lost his mind."
giselle: "Agreed."
AMAI: "Paula sounds like Blake with that stuttering."
giselle: "Jon wasn't digging it. He was hating it."

Paula calls it the biggest leap of faith ever. She tries to convince everyone, including Simon's mom, that Simon's mom liked it. We aren't shown Simon's mom, so the poor woman must be desperately shaking her head "no." If she was bouncing up and down in her seat, she was probably just trying to find the boiled candy she dropped.

Simon thanks Paula in a tone that sounds like it's really saying "STFU already." Then he makes the declaration that caused everyone to either name the half in which they were in, or to re-write the groupings in order to name the one in which they truly fell. "Half the audience absolutely loved it, and half hated it. You're a brave young man. This is what is gonna keep you in the competition next week."

AMAI: "Rats. I was hoping this would be Blake's ticket home. It was entertaining, but in a stupid performing animal kind of way."

QB: "Totally agree. There will be no middle ground. You will love it or hate it. I loved it, you all hated it, lol."
AMAI: "I … um. I don't know what I am. I'm beyond hate. I'm in a third group."
MG: "He is not brave, he's arrogant."
AMAI: "He's deluded. Simon is being kind."
giselle: "Simon just likes his hair."
AMAI: "There are people at Sucks who put Blake as No. 1."
MG: "Those tend to go together. They're insane."
AMAI: "It's a novelty. It would get old really fast. I mean, REAL fast."
QB: "Oh, yes. Very original as a one time thing. After one song, shoot me."
AMAI: "Shot thru the heart, and he's to blame. He, he, he. Gives, gives, gives, Love love love. … Oy. I really could live without Blake in the competition."
QB: "Really? You wouldn't mind Blake going home? *shock*"
AMAI: "Chris more, tho. Blake finally did his "thing" and proved he can imitate a scratchy record."
QB: "I think Blake saved himself. He will get enough people to like it and vote."
MG: "1. Lakisha 2. Phil 3. Jordin 666. Blake."
AMAI: "Hahaha."
giselle: "I changed my mind. Phil first, then Lakisha, Jordin, Blake. Phil is creepy to look at and I don't think the votes will go that way."
AMAI: "Blake will be safe, unfortunately."

CHRIS
Ryan says he's here with Justin Timberlake. HAHAHA. HoHoHo. Chris gets to answer a Phantom Viewer Question: "What do you tell yourself before going on stage?"

AMAI: "Don't screw up?"
Chris: "Just have fun. (Thinks some more) Yeah, just have fun. Have fun. Just have fun."
QB: "Zzzzzzzzzzzz. Why let Timberfake talk?"
AMAI: "How many 'fries with that' and 'deep fat fryer' jokes can one recapper and her husband make?"
QB: "Hopefully one more week's worth."
Mr. AMAI: "…"

Jon says Chris has the "daunting" task of doing one of the band's best-loved songs, Wanted Dead or Alive. Were the songs handed out? I thought each Kid got to pick his/her own song? So he chose that daunting task. But oh boy! That makes 4 correct picks by me so far. Well done, me.

Following a terrible rehearsal Jon astutely notes that Chris "may have been a little nervous because he didn't know all the words." HA! Kindness. Did Chris know any of the words? Chris asks for tips for the performance.

Mr. AMAI: "Learn the words, freak."
Jon: "Find the blue note."
QB: "Ugh. He didn't know the words? He is in deep shit. *plays Taps* I love this song."

Jon's expression is sour. He must be thinking, "Why couldn't Sanjaya have been here instead?"

There are people who find this monkey attractive. The noises are worse than Blake's; there isn't even a pretence at not being nasally.

AMAI: "Mucinex to the rescue!"
QB: "Hahahaha. OMG! Horrible note. Oy."
MG: "OMG. Massacre already."
AMAI: "Maybe he needs Breathe Rite strips."
QB: "Wow. This is really bad."
MG: "I officially hate him."
giselle: "I can't stand to watch him. If you don't watch it sounds ok, kinda."
AMAI: "Watching him one imagines how wet his hands are."
MG: "It's horrible watching or not."
giselle: "You're right, it is pretty bad both ways."
AMAI: "How the hell did he make Top 6?"
Mr. AMAI: "Why does Chris always looks over his right shoulder like someone's after him?"
QB: "Dead Man Walking."
AMAI: "He's wanted by a long line of people who want to thump him for butchering their favorite songs. He even looks like a serial killer."

Randy: "You did your thing. That was nice, I liked that."
AMAI: "No surprise here. Randy has drooled over this guy all season."
Paula: "You don't have anything to worry about." (haha) She adds something about "taking the rap" and exclaims over what a great night it is. Of all the contestants to say it to…
Simon: "You did as much as you could with that song, whether you stay another week…"

AMAI: "I hope Randy's commentary disarms Chris' few fans and lulls them into thinking they're safe."
QB: "This is the last week you'll have to worry about him anyways. He is done. Not even a little pink in the middle. Well done!"
Mr AMAI: "Did you want fries with that?'"

MELINDA
Melinda is the closer again, and some people bitched about it, but she is the best of the group and she's even been improving her onstage presence.

giselle: "I'm sorry, I don't like her either. I don't think I like anyone but Jordin who I wish had done better."
AMAI: "Melinda has come a long way in this competition. She had the ability but not the showmanship."
giselle: "She has come out of her shell without sticking her neck out."
QB: "She can't stick her neck out."
MG:: "Physical impossibility."
giselle: "Poor thing, she has no neck. Although I'm sure it's there somewhere under that huge head."

Melinda tells Jon she doesn't know from "rocking out" and says he can teach her: "You got the soul, you got the pipe. You just gotta own it." She can do that. She's chosen Have a Nice Day. Jon tells us what she brings to the song is soul. He advises her, "Take it to church" and she's all, "Okay, I like church." At the end of the package she's adorable doing the devil hand gesture. "Is it this way? That way?" She turns her hand around, a playful smile on her face.

QB: "Melinda is such a dork."
AMAI: " She's letting her personality shine. I like her so much more these days."

From the get-go, she's got an attitude! She stomps around onstage. I think she does such an amazing job with this song precisely because people have told her how she should live her life, and she's not taking it anymore.

AMAI: "Melinda shows her rock face."
QB: "Melinda has a rock face? I thought she had a stone face."
MG: "I like Kiki and Jordin. That's it. I make dinner during Melinda's performances."
AMAI: "I like all 3 women. But each week another one of them is outstanding."
giselle: "I cannot stand her. Sorry, she sings well, but I don't like her. I have fast forwarded through most of her performances. I will watch just this once."

The sass & attitude on the title line are awesome. It's a thoroughly enjoyable performance. Together with Lakisha she gets top marks from me for the night.

giselle: "She looks good. Better, anyways. She is channeling Tina Turner. Showing some 'tude. I still wouldn't buy her record though."
AMAI: "I doubt I would either but this is a great performance."
QB: "Meh. I don't like the way she is singing it."
AMAI: "No way - this is awesome!"
QB: "She bores me. She always sings well, she just doesn't excite me."
AMAI: "She hasn't always excited me but this is solid."
QB: "She is always solid, never bad, just always the same."
giselle: "She is very talented, but would she sell records?"
MG: "No, she would not. She has showmanship. Her best hope is Broadway after this. But she is the best tonight."
QB: "I need more than technical to buy into it."
AMAI: "I think she will sell records, but as with anyone, it will depend on what kind of material she gets hold of. But she is often dull. This was not dull."

Randy: "A little Tina Turner in there. That was hot."
AMAI: "If Randy didn't use that term 'hot' for everyone, it would mean a lot more."
Paula: "How'd it feel to be a rock star?"
Simon: "I totally endorse what Randy said. Young Tina Turner. Vocally in a different league to everyone else."

At first, I was irked by that comment because Lakisha and Jordin have both produced great work. However, vocally Melinda truly is way ahead this season. Has she ever hit a bad note? Some performances have been dull and uninspiring, but vocally she nailed them. I do hope she finds stellar material for her first album, stuff she can sink her teeth into.

My Ranking
1. Lakisha. AWESOME.
1. It's a tie. After a second viewing, I decide Melinda was also AWESOME and deserves equal ranking. She had sass and put an edge to the lyric "Have a nice day" that conveyed just a hint of cynicism. Really a whole new side of Melinda. It's quite amazing how she assumes the character of the song; it's like she climbs inside the song and wears it like a second skin.

3. Phil: There was really no other song that fit so well with him. His vocal was good, but let's face it: he's still an odd-looking chap. Go have a nice career in country music, Phil.

4. Jordin: Her worst performance so far. Mostly it was due to poor song choice, because she certainly looked the part of a rocker, and had good stage presence. On second viewing her vocal sounded even weirder and less like "her." This song was too old for her, meaning she doesn't have enough life experience to sing it with confidence and invest it with genuine understanding. Perhaps Bad Medicine would have been a better fit. Props for giving it a shot and recognizing she had problems.

5. Blake. The performance was a novelty and definitely his most entertaining yet. But the shtick feels at least 10 years old making him a Johnny-Come-Lately, hopping on the bandwagon to imitate what others have done before. Big deal, he's doing it on AI. It's been around long enough they could have a BeatBox theme week. I toyed momentarily with putting him 4th on my list because I was entertained. The fact is, I was laughing at him, not with him.

6. Chris/Timbafake/Fries With That - Macs are up!

Who Will Go?
Using the Sucks method of Brain/Heart/Gut, my predictions on Tuesday evening were:

Brain (i.e., who I think will go): Chris & Phil
Heart (i.e., who I wish would go): Chris & Blake
Gut (i.e., who I fear will go): Any of the women

MG: "So who goes?"
All: "Phil and Chris."
MG: "At least I hope Chris. I'd rather it be Blake than Phil for some reason. I hate Blake."
QB: "Nope, Blake will be ok. I think the 3 guys will be the bottom 3 though."
AMAI: "As long as two guys leave, I'll be okay with it. Phil chose a good exit song. Blake's problem is his tree-trunk thighs. They are so off-putting."
MG: "His face is no gem either."
AMAI: "His face is a butt. Some people like butts."
QB: "Lol. Jordin could be bottom 3."
AMAI: "Jordin better not be going anyplace."
QB: "She will be ok. I can't see her going home."
MG: "Lakisha?"
AMAI: "Lakisha, no way. She better not be out. She was great tonight."
QB: "She was really good; she was not great last week. It's a two week total."
AMAI: "True. Screw last week. I'd rather have all-women F3. Melinda rocked."
giselle: "Yes she did."

Now is the time to hide the gun or Mr. AMAI might do someone an injury. Ryan introduces George & Laura Bush. They chat awhile about last week! Then, this:

George: "Should I sing something?"
Laura: "No, darling, they've already seen you dance."

MG: "OMG. Bush!"
giselle: "Ughhhhhhhhhhhh, my eyes."
MG: "We already have to look at Blake."
giselle: "This is worse. What does he have to do with this??????????"
AMAI: "Nothing."
giselle: "Why then??????"
MG: "He's a media whore, latching on."
giselle: "That ruined my night."
AMAI: "Lol. He just wanted to thank everyone for raising the money so he didn't have to."

RESULTS
This recap is already really long, so I'll make this quick. Phil and Chris were sent home. Bon Jovi performed but it was underwhelming. There was a lot of filler and most of it was so dull it's not even worth reporting. But I think most people are happy with a final four of Melinda, Jordin, Lakisha and Blake. Next week is Boogie Week, with guest mentor Barry Gibb. It might also be time for each Kid to perform two songs in one night. I hope so, because otherwise the ratio of filler will be higher than we might be able to bear.

Thanks for reading.

***

SirLinksALot American Idol has more articles and recaps about this Sixth season of AI.

Mr. AMAI recaps Survivor: April 26 episode

2007-05-02T09:17:00.001-04:00

Mr. AMAI recaps Survivor (as dictated to AMAI.)

Opening Recrap.
Okay. This is the part where I wish I had a gun. Not a large caliber, mind you, just a .22. Something so when I take the shot it just rattles around and scrambles the brains rather than going straight through, which would mean there wouldn't be hope for life. Or I wish I was at least in Iraq or could die a normal death but I'm stuck here to watch this fucking show.

Hahaha. I'm kidding. I'M KIDDING!!

The recrap shows us Stacy showing Alex her hot and agitated emotional state. And then he ran away. What? That's a go sign. A woman tells you she's hot and agitated, with open legs and a slim bikini and her head tilted slightly back while she talks to you with open mouth and you go and talk to your friend about what she could possibly mean by her actions? Your friend tells you she's working for the other side. Who's fooling whom? You moron.

AMAI: "Gay, you mean. Not a moron; gay."
Mr. AMAI: "I didn't say that! I've been trying to get into films for years, but I've never been able to get one in the can yet, maybe that's why I'm not in films."
AMAI: "What? I don't get it."
Mr. AMAI: "I'm sure he does. Shut up, I'm recapping."

Yawn. Oh, what's this? The show's opening. That's not a bad beat; that's a catchy beat, it's Survivor. I thought it was another Presidential address. I put the .22 down on the coffee table.

Night of Horrors and Nightsweats and probably Wet Dreamz of Alex and Mookie's Because They Do Not Know How to Satisfy A Woman ('Stacy')

These guys are still trying to figure out that they're not screwed.

Stacy: "They'll be lucky if they get fed."
She shoots a sharp scary stare at them.

Mr. AMAI: "I've woken up to that look and that was only on my first date with Julie."
AMAI: "First date with Julie? Who's Julie and how old were you?"
Mr. AMAI: "I don't know. 15? She was from Viet Nam, and that's when I realized she was only out to get back what the white man took from her. I know that look. I asked her, she said she was mad at me. She told me if I had slept one minute longer, she'd have slit my fucking throat. That's why I always wake up before the woman I'm sleeping beside wakes up."
AMAI: "I don't know about putting that in the recap."
Mr. AMAI: "What? It happened."
AMAI: "But what's it got to do with … oh yeah, we were talking about Stacy's look."
Mr. AMAI: "Sorry about the flashback to my teens."

Back to the recap. Dreamz & Alex & Mookie are talking and the music is so fucking loud, you're not quite sure what happened but you know it's supposed to be emotional. It's Dreamz doing his street jive, music way up high, and they think we won't understand it. Who made who, who screwed who at the last tribal council.

No time to discuss it – onto the challenge. Jeff tells us that the first immunity idol that was presented at the last Tribal Council has been re-hidden. Oh, I did not know this. Hmm.

The reward challenge starts and Earl gets grabbed from behind at the throat by Cassandra. He whines to Jeff that there was an illegal move. Jeff says, "You can decide how much or little fucking force you can use on each other" as he reads out the Riot Act. After that, the players don't even communicate to each other any discipline of force they will use with each other. And the game continues on that basis. Someone should have said 'let's not hurt ourselves or each other. Jeff said we can make the rules as we like.' But no. Then Boo gets injured – his knee pops out. Which he did to himself, but still. Watch this guy heal himself. Watch, he just pops it back in, stands up, shakes himself off and walks away.

During the competition, without explanation from Jeff, we discover that part of the game is that they have to hang onto the poles until the ball is fired by anyone. I really respect these players because once they realized the rules, they didn't harm each other. I have to commend them on that point.

So, who won? Stacy, Alex, Mookie and Earl, in no particular order.

Jeff announces that they must now decide who goes to *hushed voice* Exile Island. Earl says he wanted to get rid of Redneck Boo and send him to Exile Island because he had done nothing but live the life of luxury since he got here. This will be probably be a tragic mistake by Earl if it comes back to haunt him when they get down to the final 2 or 3.

AMAI: "How will it haunt him at that point?"
Mr AMAI: "Oh, you'll see. I imagine when there are three of them left someone will use this against Earl. I hope it's not Boo."

Okay, we hear from the Redneck Trucker on Exile Island. He's dehydrated, his knee hurts, he's hungry, he's tired. We're shown visions of skulls sunken in the beach sands and all the time Boo is constantly whining and complaining. Which is fascinating to me because if he was at home he would probably be drinking his own urine, eating his feces, with the same ailments that he has now while trying to mate with his first cousin, but with no chance to win a million dollars. STFU Boo. End of scene. Fadeout.

We immediately flip to the plane, where the four reward winners are covered in muck. We hope the pilot has a hose to rinse out the back seat of that plane. We're told by a lovely greeter that there are two showers, one inside and one outside and baths available to you, the winners of this challenge. Big yawn and I'm bored because nobody is getting drunk at this reward…

AMAI: "You're bored because Stacy is flat-chested."
Mr. AMAI: "No, she's not. Her nipples point up. Straight up. Just like the men on The Bounty dreamed of island girls having."
AMAI: "So you did notice Stacy's chest."
Mr. AMAI: "No comment. I'm amazed that these people didn't offer to do their friends' laundry. 'Hey, gimme your shorts, Yau-Man and your shirt, Cassandra.'

This is the outcome of the producers in the way they made the random teams of the reward challenge. And those guys still don't understand the subtleties of this game.

AMAI: "What are you talking about?"
Mr. AMAI: "Shut up, I'm recapping."

These random teams. We weren't shown how they picked them. Did you see? I didn't see, and I watched the show twice.

Now we're back from reward.

AMAI: "Oh those are nice pineapples Stacy and Cassandra are eating! Hey! They're spying on the guys?"
Mr. AMAI: "You didn't realize that? You dummy!"
AMAI: "And they get found out! I totally missed that the first time."
Mr. AMAI: "The guys run away again! Same thing as on the beach, 'I'm all hot and bothered' and Alex ran away. This time Stacy & Cassandra are in the bushes all hot and bothered. Are the plotters not men? Once again they don't act when the women are in distress."
AMAI: "The women were in distress?"
Mr. AMAI: "Yes! Come on: crouching, hiding, cowering in the bushes! Is that not distress? Are the men not plotters? I guess not. They ran away again."
AMAI: "Maybe they ran because they're plotters."
Mr. AMAI: "I need another drink."

Stacy wins immunity! I'm happy. I like the scary woman. If I fall asleep and I'm not happy with her or she's not happy with me, the stock market won't go over 14,000. You don't have to know what that means; I know what that means. Peasants, vote Republican.

So, Dreamz tells Alex to vote for Mookie. Remember past actions, for they foretell the future. Then he goes and votes for his friend, rather than dealing with a tie and random chance. Forget about hard work and perseverance. Forget about not sleeping for weeks. Just keep working. Sorry, more flashbacks.

(Time passes.)

Oh, sorry. I got up and ran to the washroom while they were voting. Before I started to pee, I flushed the toilet. I never realized before that our toilet can form a perfect bubble and suck down that perfect bubble intact without breaking it. Oh, who's gone? Mookie. Mookie's gone. In no particular order and just like a perfect bubble.

Precrap for Next Time:
It looks like Jack O'Neil will come back for a cameo with Daniel Jackson but not with Samantha Carter. Oops, I changed the channel and that's next time on Stargate SG1. If I actually saw what was going to happen next time on Survivor, I'd be able to tell you that the tribe has spoken and this person is gone next. But unfortunately I was taking a wee-wee. It's not going to happen. Oops, I've changed the channel again. I missed it. I went to turn up the volume and hit the channel change button by mistake. I WILL BE UNSPOILED!

AMAI: "Finish the recap."
Mr. AMAI: "grumble grumble, okay."

Mookie's final words seem to be that he wanted to do something that he never did in the entire game: stir things up, make life hell and other things that never happened. He says he knows the grass is green on the other side, not realizing that it's greener and that is why he lost the game. It looks like he prematurely shot his wad and now he has a mess on his hands. That is why he must suffer in the 4 star resort they probably have waiting for him in Losers' Lounge alone with his thoughts of Stacy. Or Cassandra. Yeah, the big woman and the footage he'll never get in his can.

The Losers. Let's look at that for a minute. Big L, small losers. Cuz that's where Mookie put himself. Without a proper epilogue of what happened, this bit at the end was supposed to be his epilogue, unless I'm mistaken. He doesn't even confirm or deny that it was his partner Alex who denied him the proper 50-50 split vote. That's why he doesn't know the grass is greener over the fence. He thinks it's only green. I put $50,000 on him and he lost and that's why I must hunt him down and confront him with his Big L, little oozer status. Oozing into his own hands. May he burn in hell, the fool idiot, for all eternity, world without end. Amen.

What's on at 12 midnight?

SirLinksALot Survivor Fiji has more articles and recaps for this season but none as weird as this one, I bet!

DWTS4: Six Couples Dance Twice: April 30

2007-05-01T08:53:00.000-04:00

Heather Mills is gone (yay!) Goodbye, Awkward Clomping. Alas, perhaps I speak too soon? We shall see. Tonight, the couples perform twice, first a ballroom dance and then a Latin dance. Both dances will be judged for a total possible score of 60 from Len, Bruno and Carrie Ann. Len starts them off with a bit of chat slash pep talk slash warning. After more than 2 months of learning dance moves and being judged, they should all be stepping up to the challenge of learning two dances in about 3-4 days.

BALLROOM ROUND
Laila & Maks
Laila interviews she doesn't feel she's in a great position being the only female star left in the competition. At least she's tactful. Laila intends to knock out one of the guys. Certainly she and Maks should outlast at least two of the men, and both MultiGeminii and I see this couple lasting to the Finale. Tonight they're doing the Quick-Step and the Samba. With each couple receiving only the one rehearsal segment for the 1-3/4 hour show, we're told which dance they'll be doing later as well as now first.

He's in a lovely charcoal pinstripe, she's in a lovely white backless dress. The song is Part-Time Lover, which works really well for this dance. The steps are difficult to execute without tripping and falling over each other. Laila & Maks make it seem effortless. Well, almost!

Mr. AMAI: "She's a boxer and looks better than McCartney's wife. I think it's because she's a nicer person."
AMAI: "So cute, these two. I really like Laila."
MG: "Yes. None of my female co-workers are rooting for her. Jealous."
AMAI: "None?
MG: "Just me."
AMAI: That's retarded! These two are great. This is a tough dance."
MG: "It's weird-looking too, but I think they did a good job anyway. I love Laila's skirt
AMAI: "Yes. She looks marvelous in this outfit."
MG: "1. Laila. Almost forgot."
AMAI: LOL.1. Laila."
MG: "I like Maks's facial hair, but it's weird with his outfit."

Len: "You turned the gas up, great quick-step. Lightness, fluidity." He does have a negative note about 'posture' which means they won't receive a 10 from him.
Bruno: "I'm not arguing now, because the night is young. You opened the door to ballroom heaven. Fantastic." That sounds like a 10.
Carrie Ann: "Momma said knock you out." Sounds like another 10.

I call it two 10s and a 9… and that's what Laila & Maks receive. I even call the judges who would give those scores, not that it was that difficult to do this time. The judges' comments and scores are starting to "add up" better than they used to.

John & Edyta
They talk about the support of the fans, without which they certainly wouldn't be here now. They're doing Foxtrot and Rumba this week. During practice she conks him in the neck with her leg (yes, I know! It sounds really weird, but she does a set of splits standing on one leg and raising the other leg right in front of John. It's awkward … and dangerous!)

For their foxtrot, he's in a tuxedo with white shirt, she's in a lemon yellow dress festooned with pink roses on the backside. Those roses are a little distracting for me; I keep thinking she looks like a moving piece of cake. The song is That's Life by Frank Sinatra. The first time I see it I have difficulty following the movements, and I'm all, "What dance is this supposed to be again?"

AMAI: "I have to say I enjoyed it more the second time I watched."
MG: "Ooh that's funny you said that. I was going to ask if I could watch it again because I'm unclear."
AMAI: "Yes! That is what I said the first time. 'What the hell are they doing?' It looked like ballroom stew, but the second viewing it really came into focus. Unfortunately, the viewers don't have a second viewing before voting and will have to vote on their first impressions."
MG: "They do if they have TiVO."
AMAI: "True. But only a fan would watch again."
MG: "Parts of that were really cute but it wasn't great."
AMAI: "I think Edyta was really carrying them this time."

Bruno: "Obviously you've been to dance rehab. Elegant, witty, sold yourself better than ever."
Carrie Ann: "I'm old-fashioned, and I love the character. Don't give up cuz you're hanging in."
Len: "We're similar ages, so I relate to you somewhat. Great performance, you always get the character of the dance. Great job."

AMAI: "It sounds like 8s and 9s, but I think they're just being nice."
MG: "1. Laila 2. John."
AMAI: "Agreed."

Judging: 8, 7, 8. Edyta can't believe the scores. John says he's still counting on his fingers. This will likely still be one of the lower scores. Edyta is pleased they're finally getting positive feedback from the judges. While Samantha does her hosting duties, John mimes being on the phone, chatting & laughing. LOL. He's such a character.

Apolo & Julianne
Their practice footage includes his induction into the Asian American Hall of Fame in Seattle. Then Apolo declares he wants the top spot all to himself. He'll need to spend more time dancing and less time flying around the country.

For the foxtrot, his suit is brown, her gown is a gorgeous blue, with a swatch of sparkly stuff running diagonally across the bodice. The song is Steppin' Out With My Baby. Some nice touches, lovely work; however the dance isn't a "wow." Nice but not fabulous.

AMAI: "That was really delightful."
MG: "I thought it was good."
AMAI: "It was delightful, but I am torn whether it deserves to be higher than Laila's?"
MG: "I'm confused on that, too. I dunno, these particular dances aren't exactly moving me. Maybe that is why it's hard to choose. 1. Laila 1. Apolo 3. John?"
AMAI: "LOL. Yeah, I'll go with the tie, too. 1. Laila/Apolo; 3. John."

Carrie Ann: "I wasn't sure if you could pull off the foxtrot, but that was dreamlike, dancing on a cloud, footwork good, your musicality surprises me."
Len: "Good dancer. That said, I am expecting great but that wasn't great. No sophistication, bouncing up and down like a beach ball."
Bruno: "Totally in tune, you sold it. I don't see what the badness was."
Len: "I've just told you."
Bruno: "In your mind."
Len: "I've had to sit next to this…"
Bruno: *puts a book up to serve as a screen*
Mr. AMAI: "Ah, the English and the French still getting along after all these years."
MG: "LOL. Len... :rolleyes"
AMAI: "Sometimes the limitations of the requirements of the dance prevent the dancers from producing whatever it is Len thinks he wants."

Judges' Scores: 9, 8, 9 for a total of 26.

After a break, Samantha notes they were surprised for the first time at the comments of the judges and they agree.

Ian & Cheryl will tango. Host Tom reminds us that last week Carrie Ann suggested these two watch & learn from Billy Ray. Who should show up to their rehearsal but Billy Ray? He tells Ian to lead with the heel, so he can be more of a heelbilly. (groan.)

He's in a suit, she's in a gray dress with sparkly bits in it.

I Need A Hero is the song. The move at the end is very smoothly done. 90210 alumni are in the audience clapping like mad.

Len: "Fire passion drama. Some clumsy steps …" The crowd boos him, so he demands they be nice to a visitor to the country. He mentions some little tiny blunders but ends on "Great job," which sounds like a 9.
Bruno: "Revenge of Ian. You went for it." He does allude to the 'mouthwash' maneuver when the couple both shook their heads as if they were gargling. Another 9?
Carrie Ann: "You had both fun and drama."

Judges: 9, 9, 9. Very nice scoring for them, and should keep them safe for the week.

AMAI: "I don't know how Cheryl won on previous years. I don't like her face."
MG: "She was with Drew Lachey or whatever his name is, and that football player. It can become a popularity contest."
AMAI: "Yes, as with everything."
MG: "1. Laila 1. Apolo 3. Ian 4. John."
AMAI: "Agreed. John is in danger this week I think."
MG: "Yeah."

Billy Ray & Karina.
He says he wants to showcase her in the beginning of their waltz. Their rehearsal footage is as usual full of her being unhappy with his fooling around.

For the performance she's in pink, he's a deep red suit with a pink shirt. The song is a Neil Diamond tune, Play Me. The dress flows nicely, as it is attached to her wrists so that she resembles a Scheherazade or a ballerina in a jewellery box. It's not really a traditional seeming waltz, but it's nice.

Judges are laughing.
Bruno: "To call this waltz unconventional is understatement. It was like a Vanna White."
Carrie Ann: "It's more than just letting Karina doing the work. There wasn't enough content."
Len: "There's always an expectation that you'll be entertaining. The only recognizable step was actually a samba step."

AMAI: "Was that better or worse than John's?"
MG: "Worse. That was all her. 1/1 Apolo/Laila 3. Ian 4. John 5. Billy Ray."
AMAI: "I have to agree again. Part of the problem is that she wasn't even as great as she usually is."
MG: "Yeah, that, and he was basically just standing around."
AMAI: "When he moved, he was walking."
MG: "Standing and walking- great dance moves Billy Ray :e yes
AMAI: He has done better. John definitely did more this time."
Mr. AMAI: "Oh, Billy Ray is actually there, I thought he phoned that one in."

I think 7s if they're lucky, but they're not: 5, 6, 6. 17/30 ooo.

Joey & Kym do the foxtrot. Joey says they're not worried about being the front-runner now and Kym adds they'll coast along and then just take them at the end. Joey says if you become too serious, you become Ian Ziering. Haha!

For the dance she's in a black pants and a sparkly silver vest. His tux is mostly plain but has some velvet strips on it. Or at least they seem velvety.

Song? The Way You Make Me Feel. At one point he whips out a handkerchief, which moments later turns into a baton!! Cool move. The crowd is on its feet.

AMAI: "That was good."
MG: "That was really good. 1. Joey. You know the rest."
AMAI: "lol yes! 1 Joey; 2/2 Laila/Apolo; 4. Ian; 5. John; 6. Billy Ray."
MG: "We're the same."
AMAI: "That hanky to baton trick was awesome. I know it's technically not dancing but it was incorporated into the performance so seamlessly."
MG: "Thank god Latin is next."

Carrie Ann: "Someone is finally pulling the stops out. You're putting in some tricks and polish." I think she's giving them a 10."
Len: "Attitude, belief, confidence. Bit too much razzle-dazzle." Not a 10.
MG: "Oh shut UP Len!"
Bruno: "You're being difficult for the sake of it. This was fantastic. Surprise and amaze an audience." Definitely a 10.

Mr. AMAI: "Two 10s and a 9."
AMAI: "I agree."
MG: "I think that's fair. It was creative and well-done."
Judges' Scores: "10, 9, 10."
AMAI: "Good going, hon!"

Break.
MG: "By the way, what did you think of The Apprentice?"
AMAI: "Good result. Glad Stefani won."
MG: "Not me."
AMAI: "Who else?"
MG: "I thought Stef's win wasn't supported by her edit."
AMAI: "I was glad James didn't win.
MG: "I liked James. I was happy with the final 4."
AMAI: "I was disappointed with who made it to the final 4. I think mostly the wrong people made it there."
MG: "I liked Stef, it just seemed like Trump changed his mind at the last minute and the edit didn't match the winner at all."
AMAI: "Oh the season was mostly crap. Several firings were jokes. Some serious missteps cost people their rightful place in my view. Kristine & Heidi should have worked together in the previous task. How the hell does Nicole do nothing and she gets thru, while Kristine does a lot and is canned?
MG: "Well, yeah, Nicole was pretty crappy but I just liked that team better."
AMAI: "I read the TWoP recaps for the show and the recapper went to the trouble of phoning the number that Kristine had on her brochure. It was actually a Trump organization number!"
MG: "Wow."
AMAI: "So that was a whole lot of b.s. how Kristine got fired for a wrong number."
MG: "One thing about me: I root for people emotionally."
AMAI: "I have done as well. But... I will also try to take into account their objective performances."
MG: "Okay, back to the Dancing!"

LATIN ROUND

Laila & Maks do the Samba. He's at a table stage-side. She beckons him over. She's in an olive dress, he's got a lime green shirt on. The song does not go with this dance. At the end she is so self-involved he flaps a disgruntled hand and leaves her alone on the dance floor.

Bruno: "This performance was like the pleasure principle set to the samba beat. All the right buttons were pushed. Fire. I loved it."
Carrie Ann: "You finally gave everything. Amazing. You were sensual, sophisticated, - everything."
Len: "I just hope your dad is home watching this. He should be so proud of you. Unbelievable."

AMAI: "That sounds like three 10s to me."
MG: "Hmm. That could have been better. I think three 10s are too high. It wasn't great, seriously."
AMAI: "LOL."
MG: "1. Joey 2. APOLO 3. Laila 4. Ian 5. John 6. Billy Ray, factoring in the latest dance, subject to change in 5 minutes."
AMAI: "I think we should judge this round separately. Then we can combine the two scores. So, 1. Laila."
MG: "Ok. 1. Laila. I kinda liked the idea of an ever-changing bar, but ok."
AMAI: "Maybe next week. I'm too tired for that kind of mental gymnastics tonight."

Judges: 10, 10, 10. WOO! 59/60 for the night.
MG: "30/30 they've lost their fucking minds."
AMAI: "LOL."

John & Edyta do a Rumba. He's in a dark suit, she's in a light blue bit of fluff that barely qualifies as a handkerchief, never mind a dress. The song is Under Pressure, which I do not like for this at all. He does next to no work: it is all Edyta.

AMAI: "Oh dear, this second dance of John & Edyta."
MG: "He didn't do much this time. 1. Laila 2. John."
AMAI: "That was pretty sad. 1. Laila 2. John."

Carrie Ann: "Best mover of all the older gentlemen."
Len: "Footwork now improved. You're not the first older gentleman to try to seduce a younger girl. That was your best since we started."
Bruno: "I thought this would be rubbish. Very, very good performance."

AMAI: "The judges could well be losing their minds. 'Their best dance since they started?'"
MG: "The older gentlemen? Nice bitch slap, Carrie Ann."
AMAI: "What should she have said?"
MG: "She shouldn't have commented on his age at all."
AMAI: "Len also used the older gentleman moniker."
MG: "He did?"
AMAI: "Yes. 'You're not the first older gentleman to try to seduce a younger girl.'"
MG: " I must be losing my mind today too. They're judging this based on how they want people to vote, pimping some, insulting others on purpose."
AMAI: They were struggling to find anything to say about his performance, since he didn't really do anything but provide something for Edyta to drape herself on."
MG: "True."

Judges' Scores: 7, 8, 7. 22 total is 45 out of 60.

Apolo & Juliane are Mamboing to something that might be called Doctor Beat. She's in a gorgeous orange dress, he's in brown, most likely the same suit as before but without the jacket. There are some great tricks in their performance, including under the leg maneuvers.

Len: "Very, very good performance. I liked it. I can't call that great. Lacks a bit of posture."
Bruno: "Completely disagree with Len. Fab choreography. Disregard that (Len)."
Carrie Ann: "It was a little off."
Bruno argues with her.

Scores: 9, 9, 10. (Bruno declares himself the Voice of Reason).

MG: "That was better than Laila. 1. Apolo 2. Laila 3. John
AMAI: "Hmm."
MG: "No?"
AMAI: "Yeah. I have to agree."
MG: "Yay!"
AMAI: "The main problem for me with Laila's was that the song didn't go with the dance."
MG: "Yes, and it looked a little sloppy."
AMAI: "It's curious they got a set of 10s, but Apolo did not."
MG: "28/30 ROBBED!"
AMAI: "It's like you said, some are being pimped, others insulted."

Ian & Cheryl also Mambo. He's in a red top and dark pants; her dress is orange with a ruffle of yellow, orange and hot pink down the leg. It's a hotter outfit than it sounds. They have some very good moves, but it felt a little rushed toward the end and then we find out why – they were trying to catch up to the music, which they didn't quite manage to do. They're still executing steps and the song is over.

Bruno: "This is your night for a breakthrough. Best I've seen you two."
Carrie Ann: "Nice attitude shift. Work on posture, Ian."
Len has to agree with Bruno: "I was beginning to think there wasn't any chemistry between you. Great blend and chemistry."

Scores: 9, 9, 9. Total 27, with the other score is 54/60.

MG: "1. Apolo 2. Laila 3. Ian 4. John, but Ian was boring again."
AMAI: I agree with your ranking but I liked that quite a lot. Ian was the most alive he's ever been on this show."

Billy Ray and Karina Samba. He comes out in a fighter's robe for some reason, which he removes to display a black outfit. She's in an outfit of red strips. Living In America is the song.

Mr. AMAI giggles watching them, which he explains thus: "It's like he's putting weight on. Everyone else is getting slimmer."

Carrie Ann: "When I watch you I think it will go terribly wrong. Okay, your determination is beyond belief."
Len: "This was much better than the waltz. Had more content. You had fun. Well done."
Bruno: "You manage to somehow bully your way through the dance without respect for anything. We watch it and we're somehow entertained. It's just insane."

AMAI: "I love Bruno's face during his critique. He illustrates us watching in disbelief so well. Haha."
MG: "Ok, that Billy Ray thing was just about the most awkward thing ever."
AMAI: "LOL. The judges' comments are hilarious tho."
MG: 1. Apolo 2. Laila 3. Ian 4. John 5. Billy Ray
AMAI: "I think I liked Billy Ray's dance more than John's in the Latin round, but otherwise I agree with your order. 1. Apolo; 2. Laila; 3. Ian; 4. Billy Ray; 5. John.

Judges: 7, 7, 7. Total 21. Billy Ray is tickled to death. While others are striving for perfect scores, he says his goal is mediocrity. All he wants is an 8. Total tonight is 38/60. Oh boy. This couple should land in the Bottom Two.

Joey & Kym do the Jive. He's in gray vest and pants, white shirt with a pink tie. She is in a hot pink dress with black bustier and black petticoats. This is really good. They are moving well together. It's a lot of fun. At the end he performs a one-handed handstand.

MG: "OMG 1. Joey!"
AMAI: "Wasn't that awesome? Really enjoyable dance from them."

Len: "It had a freedom but wasn't wild. Had control not too stiff. It was totally in sync." Haha.
Bruno: "Smashing showcase of talent. You proved to anyone who doubted."
Carrie Ann: "You're flexible! Who knew? Sharp tight energetic."

MG: "Yes, he's so much better than the rest."
AMAI: "That was just like Len said. I would add it was dramatic and had flair, but it wasn't too theatrical."
MG: "Oh god, can I take it back then?
AMAI: "Take what back?"
MG: "I don't want to talk like Len."
AMAI: "LOL. That wasn't what I meant, but nvm! It's over!!"

With everyone loving it, that should be 10s across the board. And … it is! 10, 10, 10. A perfect set of tens. They look really happy. Oh, we learn that Kym won the trophy in the Australian competition. So of course Joey really wants to win this, not least because another boy band alum has already done well.

MG: "I didn't want to like Joey because he has so much experience, it's kinda not fair. But I like him anyway."
AMAI: "Well, they all have strengths. I like Joey too and I did NOT want to."
MG: "I know people who still feel that way, they don't want another Boy Band alum to win."
AMAI: "I don't care."
MG: "Me neither."

So, our scores for Latin:
MG: 1. Joey. 2. Apolo 3. Laila 4. Ian 5. John 6. Billy Ray
AMAI: "1 Joey; 2. Apolo; 3. Laila; 4. Ian; 5. Billy Ray; 6. John.

For Ballroom we agreed on 1 Joey; 2/2 Laila/Apolo; 4. Ian; 5. John; 6. Billy Ray.

For Latin we differed slightly:
MG: 1. Joey. 2. Apolo 3. Laila 4. Ian 5. John 6. Billy Ray
AMAI: "1 Joey; 2. Apolo; 3. Laila; 4. Ian; 5. Billy Ray; 6. John.

Combining them, we agree on:
Joey: 1, 1
Apolo: 2, 2
Laila: 2, 3
Ian: 4, 4

We split on Billy Ray and John, but we agree that both guys will be eliminated over the next two weeks.

Thanks for reading!

SirLinksALot Dancing With The Stars links have more recaps and articles about Season 4 of this show.

AI6 'Next Week is Bon Jovi Week'

2007-04-29T10:29:00.000-04:00

Meanwhile, this week "Six Inspire … Despair, Despondency, Apathy"

But first, a quick word about the recaps being here. EZboard had a glitch this week and lost all the other recaps. They found them, then lost them again. So I said the hell with it and decided to use this Blogger site for the recaps.

Ryan Seaquest is very earnest tonight. Earnest… and sporting major stubble. Step One of Idol Gives Back clearly involved handing over all implements of shaving.

Mr AMAI: "Mushmouth is back." He flips the channel back to "Radio on TV" and Le Freak is playing. Now that I know what lies ahead, I wish I had continued "watching" the radio. I can't even rank the Kids using my normal method, they sucked that much.

This season suddenly feels so lead-footed, boring, dull, and pointless. I've had trepidations before (particularly for Barry Manilow Week) and been pleasantly surprised. But this time my fears weren't even enough to prepare me for the suckitude.

To make matters worse, this week each segment of dirge singing is punctuated with a dirge segment about the terrible horrible dirge fates that have befallen selected less fortunate people of the world. Every vote recorded for the Kids will result in money being contributed to help these people. Supposedly Idol Gives Back, but do they? Or just not taking so much this week?

Fries With That Richardson wears a suit and tie and a pretty white shirt. That is the nicest thing I have ever had or likely will ever have to say about Chris.

His song of inspiration is If I Could Change The World by Eric Clapton. At first I don't even recognize his voice.

Mr AMAI: "This is a good song, eh."
AMAI: "The first couple of lines sound nice. Maybe …. Eww ouch. No, I guess he isn't able to keep that up."
Mr AMAI: "Ignore him. Just listen to the words. Lovely poetic song, nothing the matter with the words."
AMAI: "Can't say the same about him. Is he operated by a puppeteer? Why is he jerking around?"
Tampa: "Chris does absolutely nothing for me."
AMAI: "He does less than nothing for me."
Tampa: "LOL. He tries to dress like Justin Timberlake."
AMAI: "He so wishes he were Justin Timberlake. That guy has oodles of talent compared to Fries Boy here."
Mr. AMAI: "The words are nice, it's the way it's being sung. I'm crying because it's that horrible."

Randy: "Dawg, that was awesome! You in it to win it."
Paula: "Great song journey. Your best ever! Real exciting!!"
Simon: *more tongue bathing…*

Mr. AMAI: "This guy sucks, man. If they're saying it's good, that's how much the music industry sucks."
AMAI: "Simon has his landing hair again."
Mr AMAI: "No man should have to sit there on his couch waiting for music, only to be asked if he wants any fries with that."

After a break, we watch footage of Appalachia and Louisiana. The need is dire. Idol needs to Give Back to people who have nothing after voting in vain for Sanjaya.

Melinda. Her song is There Will Come A Day by Faith Hill. She's wearing a strange dress. Oh, great, this week they each have two phone lines per kid. Will these performances induce people to call even one line?

AMAI: "These inspirational songs are such downers. Now I'm thoroughly depressed. Any comments honey?"
Mr. AMAI: "Shh, Chicklet is still singing."

Randy's compliments are unintelligible to the uninitiated: "You so dope, all together, you have arrived. YOU ARE HERE!"
Paula is worse.
Simon loves that it wasn't a copycat performance: "You made me believe you'd recorded it originally. Vocal master class."

Sigh. The problem is she's good but she's dull.

Bleat Box Blake has a sit-down with Ryan who wants to know what is the biggest sacrifice Blake is making to be here. Blake predictably says he's missing family and friends. He's doing the business to John Lennon's Imagine.

Mr. AMAI: "This jackass."
AMAI: "You say that every week."
Mr. AMAI: "Look at his Captain Kirk sideburns."
AMAI: "Really?"
Mr. AMAI: "This really stinks. I'm thinking of going for a walk. This guy when I look into his eyes? Nobody's home."
AMAI: "What about when you look into his mouth? Does he have a pretty mouth?"
Mr. AMAI: "Actually no, he doesn't. He's like a dead body that you just want to poke with a stick to see if anything is coming out."
AMAI: "He fancies himself a sex symbol."
Mr. AMAI: "Of course he does. Someone told him he was. On his own he wouldn't think that."
Tampa: "He does have a bit of a gay voice. A little lisp. Just a little one."

Randy keeps it real: "That was just okay for me."
AMAI: "Oh my gawd, is the sky green?"
Paula claims she enjoyed it because it was Blake. Then she goes berserk: "That was the most emotionally sensitive performance from you all season long."
Simon kind of knows where Paula is coming from, which is about the best anyone can do. Nobody, not even Paula herself, knows exactly where she is coming from. However, he also complains that the performance was a little bit flat throughout. And yet: "What I like is you sang it with such sincerity."

AMAI: "ROFL. Yeah, Blake, you're dead but you do it so well."
Mr. AMAI: "Simon is like the mortician talking to the corpse."
Tampa: "Blake is in touch with his feminine side."
AMAI: "How much more in touch with his feminine side can Blake get?"
Tampa: "He frosts his hair."
Mr. AMAI: "You're supposed to bleed a song like that."

I guess it didn't suck as much as other stuff of his has sucked. But on a scale of 1 to Suck, it still sucked.

After a break, Ryan is in a feeding station somewhere. He is saying there should be more feeding stations like the one he's in. Really? How about an end to the wars that make such feeding stations a necessary reality? How about addressing the root of the problem, instead of dabbing at the symptoms with a Q-Tip, you twit. This kind of show doesn't arouse my compassionate side. I'm fed up with the whole sordid mess.

Lakisha takes on another Sacred Song by another Sacred Cow. The song is I Believe, that piece of tripe Fantasia and that other girl had to sing during the finals of season 3.

Fantasia did a good job but it was still a piece of crap song. What the hell is up with these song choices? This is totally horrible and uninspiring. Then again, maybe this whole gig is uninspiring because it feels forced and also like it's taking a liberty. Every damn day that I work, I'm paying taxes, some of which goes towards "those less fortunate." We're not even given a chance to decide how to spend our money – it's decided for us and I'm sick of it. And that is part of why I'm sick of self-aggrandizing fools like these idiots on American Idol acting like they're above everyone for doing this. Or like any of this activity "raising money" is going to change anything on a fundamental level. It won't. It's been done, hundreds and hundreds of times before. Nothing changes because the recipients have no reason to change. Someone else will come along and feel sorry for them and "provide." So why should they bother to change and learn how to fend for themselves instead of being leeches?

Lakisha's shouting wakes me from reverie.

AMAI: "That was so loud I got chills. Oh, wait. The fan is blowing on me."

Randy, same as always: "Great song choice, pitch problems, not your best but I did like it."
Paula stammers and stutters for five minutes: "No doubt you are a powerhouse of a vocalist but, but, but." She says she doesn't want to take anything away from that, except she totally does by somehow suggesting that "nobody" can do this wretched song except Fantasia.
Simon kind of thinks he sort of knows what Paula trying to struggle to fight back tears so she could hiccup at us. He thanks Paula for summing up so briefly and interprets Paula to prefer the Fantasia version. He has issues with Lakisha's shouting. The audience boos and he tells them to shut up.

Mr. AMAI: "Oh, he kissed her!"
AMAI: "Who kissed whom?"
Mr AMAI: "Under the sea guy, the fish kissed LaKisha."
Tampa: "I don't know how people are going to vote."
AMAI: "Ryan will explain in excruciating detail later."

Phil gets a Phantom Viewer Question, "What do you miss most about home," in case anyone anywhere didn't hear already about his wife and kids. Did Phil give his kids the same name? I heard him say his two babies Kayla and Micayla. Blah blah he's only doing this to make a better life for them.

His song is The Change by Garth Brooks. He urges everyone to "take advantage of this amazing opportunity and get involved." He sounds like a slick salesman trying to sell everyone something they don't want.

AMAI: "He looks like a Young Fester."
Mr. AMAI: "Young Uncle Fester. So he'd be like a Nephew Fester. Or a festering boil on my backside. I'm bleeding out my eyes. I need to go outside for a while. Going to buy chips.

Randy calls it another strong performance of a very great song. Paula goes overboard, "Fantastic! Your best!!!"
Mr. AMAI: I like how Paula held the microphone."
AMAI: "Yeah like she was holding a tiny cock.
Mr. AMAI: "I didn't say that!"
Simon: "I really like you. After a good week last week, you've got a spring in your step. The country tone suits your voice more. If you could connect the two elements, you could do well."
Mr. AMAI: "Is that his wife? Is that Mrs Festering Boil?"
AMAI: "Well she kept her maiden name, Ms Oozing Pustule."

Before Jordin there's a segment with Simon meeting people who work at a food bank. He had no idea there were people who were starving in America. For $1 all of that – a ton of food – basically what you USED to be able to get before the government got involved in our lives and jacked the price of everything out of everyone's price range. Every time I buy something, the cost of all the taxes levied on manufacturers and retailers are being added into the cost of everything I buy, from milk to new furniture. The cost of everything is inflated beyond belief, and Simon is going to point to a table of basic foodstuffs and marvel over the fact that it can be obtained for $1.00 because it's for somebody in Africa? Like it's a miracle instead of the way it ought to be here in America all the time if we didn't have all these taxes constantly forcing us to pay sight unseen for stuff. Doesn't matter whether it's for ourselves like roads and schools or emergency care for somebody half way round the world. The means by which the funds are obtained is by force on us, like we wouldn't do it if we weren't being forced to.

Jordin plans to sing You'll Never Walk Alone. She hopes the message of the song is comforting to people. It would be more comforting if we were about to watch Tottenham Hotspurs thump Manchester United in the F.A. Cup.

AMAI: "Ooooh, I know this song. You'll NEEEEVER wa-aaaaalk ALONE. Hmmm. It isn't the same without 50,000 crazed soccer fans screaming along. I don't recognize Jordin's version."

She's chosen a nice taupe gown but it is cut oddly. Her hair is curly and she looks lovely.

Alas, the song is boring. Jordin can't save the whole night from sucking.

RandyBot: "Best vocal by any contestant on this show ever!! You're 17 years old!!! HOT!!!!!!!"
Paula: "Amazing song. Lovely job. Glorious." (Paula is so jealous.)
Simon: "You were fantastic I thought, unlike Randy. You could have a hit record with that."

AMAI: "Guess who was inspired to not only go out and get potato chips, but while he was out he picked up a free exercise bike from the neighbors who are moving?!!! Yay!"
Mr. AMAI: "You like the bike? We just saved $1000 from buying new bikes."
AMAI: "Yay! Money saved on bikes means more money to spend on necessities like cigarettes and booze."

Review of the Night
AMAI: "Who sucked the most tonight?"
Mr. AMAI: "This has to be the ugliest group of people ever assembled. Not a homelier cast has ever been assembled for your viewing enjoyment of festering boils…."
AMAI: *eyeroll*
Mr. AMAI: "…and…you fill in the rest because I'm not thinking straight right now."
Tampa: "I don't know. They all were dull."
AMAI: "All. No exceptions."
Tampa: "Yes. Chris was blah."
AMAI: "I think Lakisha was the best, maybe. Her shouting woke me up in time for Jordin. Bleat Box Blah was only entertaining for the gay porn jokes. These songs were horrible, dull."
Tampa: "I officially hate inspirational night."
AMAI: "I hate most of this season. But Jon Bon Jovi Week is next week, and that will make up for a lot of things."
The Rogue Wave enters chatroom
AMAI: "Rogue, who was the worst tonight?"
Rogue: "Didja see Sandy Duncan sing Imagine?"
AMAI: "Sandy Duncan? You mean that asshat wannabe Mike Boogie Jr, winner of Big Brothers All Stars? Him?"
Rogue: "If he had a glass eye I'd think I was watching Hollywood Squares."
Tampa: "LOL. You are mean. He most likely is gay."
Rogue: "Oh...Blake is gay."
Tampa: "Ok. He does lisp a bit. HAS TO GO!"
Rogue: "LaKisha sucks."
Tampa: "Lakisha has to go soon."
Rogue: "LaKisha is next. LaKisha...don't take this the wrong way but ...you know... you kinda sucked tonight."
Tampa: "YOU SUCK! She did."
AMAI: "She did not suck. She was loud and woke me up in time for Jordin."
Rogue: "Jordin was good tonight. She better step off."
Tampa: "Jordin was good. She will WIN!"
Rogue: "Get away from my Melinda."
Tampa: "Nope. Jordin."
Rogue: "Melinda = Winner."
Tampa: "You wish."
AMAI: "Jordin will win! Melinda will be out in 3rd. in a big shock. They desperately need a pretty idol who can also sing."
Rogue: "Jordin and Melinda = Final 2 now that Gay Boy tanked."
AMAI: "Gay Boy? Which one? Bleat Box or Fries with That?"
Rogue: "Only Gay Blake is left."
AMAI: "Chris is gayish."
Rogue: "But not gay, I think."
Rogue: "Phil has bad breath."
Tampa: "How do you know Phil?"
Rogue: "I can just tell."

RESULTS
First of all, there weren't any. No one was eliminated, everyone is safe and next week is Bon Jovi Week, so I'm looking forward to that.

In other news, Ryan reported there were 70 million votes and tons of money raised to throw at the various problem areas around the world that Idol decided to help out with this week's shows. Woo. Yay, right?

Sigh. Whatever. Am I cynical? I suppose I am. It's the old 'give a man a fish' vs. 'teach a man to fish' syndrome. The starving children in Africa have been there for at least 50 years, so clearly they keep managing to pull back from the brink. All the money in the world is wasted if the way of life that caused the starving situation doesn't change. The same problems happen over and over. It's more than just a quick fix can solve. Changes of fundamental attitude and approach are needed. I doubt it will happen in my lifetime; there is too much invested in creating war and too many government officials would lose their status, if their countries became war-free and their citizens independent productive individuals.

I'd like to help a child in need. I think I'll sponsor another child through one of those programs. It is very satisfying and I feel like my contribution is actually helping someone.

Back to the circus on Wednesday night. It wasn't completely without value. The Jack Black segment was fun, and I find myself wishing he could be one of the contestants and sing each week. He showed a damn sight more personality than 85% of the Final Six. The Simpsons skit was hilarious. Onstage Simon croaks out a song and Homer tells him to lose the accent, Lisa "loves dogs" and claps like a seal, and Marge does her best Randy impression: "I wasn't lovin' it dawg." Mr. AMAI wished I'd called him for the Celine & Elvis duet because he's an Elvis fan.

Other than that, it was bloated, self-aggrandizing and irritating. The part that bugs me the most is when these people shit on capitalism, contemptuous of profit-making, yet have their hands out ready to benefit from the surplus and bounty that capitalism & the profit motive create.

Thanks for reading.

SirLinksALot American Idol has more articles and recaps about this Sixth season of AI.

We Suck S13's Cecilia Dry!

2007-01-20T21:47:00.000-05:00

Cecilia Mantilla Sucksterview

On December 19, 2006, Cecilia Mantilla from Season 13 showed up at Sucks and started a thread entitled "Don't be mean to me - I just wanted to say hi :)." It's now up to 61 pages!

Cecilia: Hey guys. This is Cecilia from S13. I've been looking forward for the day I would be allowed to post and I could come in here to say hi. Thanks for all the laughs. You guys can be really mean, but you are also hysterical. I think I have one fan, so thanks salchicho for being my Sucks fan :)

For the past few months I have had a heavy Sucks addiction, and in that regard, I'm glad the show is over, that I way I can go out and find me a new hobby :) And I'm sure you guys won't believe it is me ...you can go to my My.Space to prove it.

Kisses.
C.

Most Sucksters were doubtful: is this really her?

IDENTIFYING CECILIA
salchicho: Allow me to say hello to the most beautiful woman in survivor history. Only you could have made those socks work.

Piranhahaha: What do you go by? Cece?

Cecilia: My friends and family call me Ceci, (some Ces) Cristina started calling me Cece on the show and it stuck.

The Purple Parrot: Why did you choose Cecilia13 for your nic?

Cecilia: Because it's Survivor 13 and my birthday is January 13.

NIGHTCRAWLER: Can we get an IP check here to see if this is also Ozzy?

ireguy2: Are you the one that got shot? All you people are too alike for me to tell apart.

Cecilia: I was on a few episodes of Cook Islands and it is really me. You guys are funny. I love it!

With some My.Space magic, Cecilia finally convinced us she was for real, and everyone got on with imploring her to show us her boobs, er asking about being a recruit.

RECRUIT!
Cecilia: I auditioned for TAR, stood in line since 5 am (actually the two Asian brothers were in line with me at a semi-finals), jumped for joy when I was called back for semifinals, had my heart broken when I didn't go to finals. CBS found me from my auditions interviews because I was a "fiery Latina." :)

Will: Do you regret being on Survivor instead?

Cecilia: NO, I'm soooooooooo glad I did Survivor.

salchicho: Who would you have been on the Amazing Race with?

Cecilia: This would have been my TAR partner. (My BFF at the time and roommate.) She's crazy. You all would have loved her. But maybe they didn't like her.

salchicho: Since you were recruited did you get to skip the application portion?

Cecilia: Being "recruited" doesn't mean you go straight into the show, at least not in my case. I had to do a video, fill out an application, get interviewed and drilled with questions. Got clowned for my outfit, etc. and it's the same for everyone else. All it really meant was a fast card to finals, which, yes, I know, it's a lot more than most people get but we all still had to sell ourselves. I'm sure that there are a lot of "recruits" who don't make it.

salchicho: What did you do for your video?

Cecilia: It was pretty plain, but it was edited well. It was just me talking about who I am and how I'd be great for the show. I was wearing a shirt that said "las latinas lo hacen mejor" = Latinas do it better, and I played up the Latina thing. I guess that is why Jeff said that some of the inspiration to separate the group by race came from me.

Cassidy666: Ceci, so what can you tell us about the interview process? What kinds of things do they ask?

Cecilia: Hmm… it’s weird. It kinda just flows. I mean a good applicant is someone that can come in the room (wt MB, JP, TS, etc.) and just get the conversation going. I remember the fist meeting I was wearing a long dress and they were all making fun of me “where are you going? To the prom?” so I just went along. That kinda became our lil’ “inside joke”. For this season a lot of the questions were around the race. “What is the right term? Latino or Hispanic? What do Latinos think about Asians? About Caucasians, etc.” Random stuff. I guess my advice is just be ready to be larger than life, start the conversation, be funny, be comfortable, act like you don’t care and it doesn’t faze you.

Slick Fitz: Ceci, is it true that during the interviewing process, they ask you about your sex life?

Cecilia; I don’t remember, I think they asked me what kind of guys I date. But during the psych evaluation there are questions about your sexual behaviors, drug usage, history of being crazy, etc.

CECILIA's FLAME EFFORTS
Most posters were friendly, but there were a few irrational haters. Example, star jumper: Get lost whore. No one wants to remember some skinny ass skank that didn't even want to be on the show. You make me want to vomit.

Cecilia earned kudos with her replies to the haters, notably with this: "Hate me all you want, call me a retard, stupid slut and spank me hard. I'm still a dumb stupid slut that was on Survivor and you both are dumb stupid sluts that were not. So eat one and choke on it."

FOB poster: You're fat.

Cecilia: Thanks! I really try. When I was younger in Peru, I was wearing shorts and some guy yelled, "Take off those sticks, put on some legs" and I was really sad. SOOO GLAD I FINALLY PUT ON SOME WEIGHT!!! yay!

Dogmatic Atheist: Whose ass is bigger and rounder, yours or Cristina's?

Cecilia: Hmmm, your dad's.

FOB poster: She's fat and I make more money than her.

Cecilia: I hope you do, dude. Your dad told me blow up dolls are hella expensive. But, you seem like a real smart dude, so I'm sure you and your dad buy in bulk? Or do you share? You probably share. Make sure you clean it up after your dad uses it. You don't want to be all up in it after your dad was in some dude's ass. Hygiene is your friend!

LOL, eh? She's a fiery Latina, alright. Luckily the haters were few and far between and most of the posters were good-natured and friendly. Even some of the haters were converted into civil question-askers. I've culled quite a lot of but not all of the Q&A from the Sucks thread.

PRE-SHOW NIGHTCRAWLER: What did you tell all of your friends and co-workers when they asked where you had been for the past 6 weeks? Who actually knew where you were?

Cecilia: Well, before I left I was debating on what to do with regards work. So I told a colleague and asked him what I should do. He recommended telling the partner just to be safe. So I did. The partner was uber-supportive and he kept his word to keep it a secret. The colleague didn't. So by the time I came back, it was a huge rumor mill at work. A lot of people knew. I only told my closest friends. They were extremely excited and supportive. Helped me train, go shopping for clothes, etc. That was another amazing thing about the experience, receiving so much support from my family and friends.

GAME PREP salchicho: How did you prepare before you got to the island?

Cecilia: I gained weight, went swimming, rowing, tried balancing on stuff, obstacle courses, studied this Cook Islands website on food and animals available, studied camping stuff, fire making, water filtering, watched old Survivors and looked at challenges, etc.

Callboy389: I'm afraid they might not take me in regards to the excellent physical health requirement... is that process pretty grueling?

Cecilia: Hmmm, they give you a physical for your doctor to complete. I think it's pretty thorough, but normal physical test. No crazy tests or anything. CBS does a normal quick physical: weight, blood pressure, etc. They do ask about your health history. The mental is longer. You get tested for like 2 hours: personality, IQ, mental health, etc. It's not like you are going to space; more like you are applying for a government job.

Will: So if you take medication daily you're pretty much screwed?

Cecilia: I think the answer to that is considered “under contract Survivor secret.”

MoGuL0212: Once you go to the location, what type of preparation did TPTB give all of you? What types of Do's and Don'ts did they offer when it came to day-to-day life, e.g., what to eat, what not to, etc?

Cecilia: I remember someone “spoiled” this one. So I can talk about it. They got a couple of local gurus to come and train us on the island. The most important thing is that they taught us about “ciguatera” and they showed us the fish to avoid. They also told us about noni (remember when Oz flipped of the camera when he found noni?) Well they told us about that. I think they were tired of having seasons where contestants are completely worthless and they just sit there because they are completely starved or hurt. They wanted us to be well equipped.

EARLY GAME
Krom777: Did a lot of people get seasick on the boat? If so who got sick?

Cecilia: Oh my god! It was vomiting central. Horrible. The first couple of days (before the game) the weather was beautiful. And the day the game started, it was like MB turned on a switch. It was like “bring on the drama.” Almost everyone – including production and crew - threw up. I was the only one on my tribe that got seasick. I was kinda worried about it, but they were nice. Oh, couple of fun facts: I was laying on the floor of the boat dead to the world, and I opened one eye and I see CaoBoi taking stuff from the boat (rope, supplies, etc) and putting it in his bag. He sees me. We smile. Shit, if he is smart enough to go ahead and get started, he deserved that rope. Another one, as soon as I got on the boat I had to run to the side to puke, and I feel someone patting my back. It was Yul. That is when I knew he was an absolute sweet guy. He didn’t know me, we were on opposite tribes and he was trying to comfort me.

McWolcott: Cecelia, when you didn't get picked for TAR and were approached for Survivor, did it bother you at all when you realized you were probably chosen to fill out the ethnic group they put you in?

Cecilia: No, it didn't bother me. I'm a child of affirmative action (smile). The whole race thing was cool with me because I soon realized that they had cast 20 very diverse people with a real good heart and some very smart folks. I knew that it wasn't gonna be a ridiculous race war. From the beginning we were very cognizant of the ramifications of our actions, so we took it as a positive experience.

survivor300: When were you told about the race separation?

Cecilia: The night before the game started.

salchicho: How were chores divided up at your camp?

Cecilia: The guys did guy stuff (build shelter, go fishing, heavy lifting); the girls did girl stuff (cook, clean fish, clean up, etc.) The division of labor based on gender made sense (I guess one of the things that the "race" thing made possible.) Latinas are known for taking care of their men and Latinos for taking care of their women.

Misanthrope: Well, not sure I'd put it that way. Or rather, you're right, but it's a meaningless (or loaded?) statement because isn't that true of all cultures? There are, however, different protocols, parameters, etc.

Cecilia: I'd agree that it's true of all races, but I'd say more if there is a relationship/ friendship/something. In this case, it was right off the bat without knowing each other that we "assumed' our roles without much drama. That is why I never saw JP as bossy and a tyrant on the island, like the Raro girls did. If you have been fishing all day, getting cut and scraped on the coral, the least I can do is pass you the fricking machete so you can cut a coconut (that I will probably drink out of too).

When we merged, the one thing that was different was the assignment of roles. I can expand on that later.

salchicho: Was Cristina as bossy with Aitu as they edited her at Raro?

Cecilia: Yes (sorry, Cris.)

growsonwalls: It seems like you guys were given a lot more 'survival' stuff than contestants in previous years. No one ever seemed to be starving. So what were you guys given in terms of food and supply?

QuizGuy66: Yeah, the perception of this season is that the food practically served itself to you guys (Jonathan for example catching 20-something fish in one day). Did you ever feel that deprived in terms of food in your short time there?

Cecilia: Well, we weren’t “given” supplies. We fought for them in the boat, just like on the first season. The only thing we were “given” right off the bat was the outrigger. Also, the food catching: people just got better because they went out every day and they practiced. The first day we got there, we all went out on the outrigger and Oz was out for like 45 minutes and only caught 2 fish. The next time, 4, then 8 then he was Poseidon. Same for Jonathan, I don’t know what he caught at the original Raro, but when we merged, he went out and caught 1 sad sea urchin. 10 days later he was a fish catching machine. So yes, we had an advantage in comparison to other seasons because of all of the coral heads that were so close to our beaches and we had supplies from day 1, but almost everyone made an effort to go catch food.

platinumtic: How was it walking around in the jungle with all the bugs? I'm fine with animals and reptiles, snakes etc. But every time I see one of you walk around barefoot in the jungle, I'm thinking ECK, you could be walking right onto some nasty bug or poisonous bug.

Cecilia: It wasn’t bad. I didn’t see any creepies. Only mosquitoes, a couple of spiders that was all.

NIGHTCRAWLER: Cecilia - can you put an end to this rumor? True or false: all tribemates are driven to each tribal council and it's only made to look like you guys walked there.

Cecilia: Hmm, can’t say. Sorry.

esarnecky: Who were you the closest to? Who did you like the least, best and what would your dream team be?

Cecilia: While on Aitu, I was closer to JP, then Cristina, then Ozzy. But then Ozzy was my one and only. At the time I left the game, I liked Oz the best, Jonathan the least. Dream team? If the team were not divided by race, I would have wanted: Ozzy, Yul, JP, Flicka and Cao Boi.

Survivor2004Freak: CeCe, what was your memorable moment on Survivor? And was it really as hard as it looks out there?

Cecilia: Wow, so many. Well I gotta say the boat in Ep 1. Too bad you guys didn’t get to see a lot of it. It was the most hilarious thing ever. People are falling on people, chickens are drowning, people are getting kicked in the face. And through all that, Jeff is keeping his cool as machetes are going by his face. For months after, and even now, I think about it and can't help but laugh. JP climbed some ladder thing to get some supplies and he later said that when he looked down at the boat, it looked like a crazy cartoon. It was hilarious.

misanthrope: Do you think you would've been as loyal to your original tribemates if the tribes weren't divided by race? A lot of people have asked whether race remained relevant throughout the game. Put differently, did racial awareness and the structuring of the game based on race make original tribal ties deeper than otherwise?

Cecilia: I don't think that it was about race. It was about the people. Even through the Billy drama, we had an immediate bond. Yes, Oz and Cristina fought, but they worked it out. I don't know why she turned on JP. That made me mad. But at least the few days there were amazing. We did everything together. Day 1 we went out fishing on the boat and paddled like a happy family. The boys went fishing, the girls watched the boat. We even had assigned seats. Every morning we went exploring, fishing, crabbing together like a team. We fed each other. It was a true bond. That is why it was that much of a slap in the face when Billy was not pulling his weight.

smokeitgood: Cecigato, how did you log onto your My.Space during the first few days of filming?

Cecilia: I asked my friend Adrienne to check it for me. I didn't want it to look like I had fallen off the face of the earth (i.e. Cook Islands) since I wasn't responding to comments and things. So that was her logging on for me.

salchicho: What would have been your luxury item?

Cecilia: They picked my journal. Lame. I actually wanted a boom box to have something to dance to.

salchicho: What did you miss most when you were on the island?

Cecilia: Nothing. I was really happy. I guess I was cold, so I would have loved a sweater, dry socks and blanket.

smokeitgood: I was wondering if you have any idea why the person who typed up your favorites for your website bio spelled every single author's name wrong for what you put down.

Cecilia: Yes it was a Laura/Alma confusion. I remember what you said about my terrible handwriting.

garblue: Ceriously Cexy Cecilia, were you offended when Jeff Probst said you would never win the game in the TV Guide channel Survivor preview? Why do you think he would say that?

Cecilia: Yeah, I was annoyed. I guess the reason was that I was really nonchalant about the whole thing. Because I was not a fan (yes, I was recruited), I was not aware of the magnitude of the show. So I was all "valley girl, whatever" about it. I don't know... also, I'm not a great swimmer (ya'll saw the shot of me jumping off the boat plugging my nose), but I really think that if I had made it past episode 3, I would have reached the merge for sure.

salchicho: How did they stop you guys from speaking to each other before the show started?

Cecilia: They yelled at us.

EP 2: THE BILLY BOOT/THROWN CHALLENGE
finishthemoff: "What is your reaction when you saw this?"

Cecilia: Well, this was him resting because he was sick. Actually he didn't sleep while we all worked, he just sat there and had to be asked to help. And in all fairness he did get up and do stuff, but we had to ask and it was all slow. In any event, I was annoyed. We were all busting our backs to have a decent camp to get more rest and be OK and stronger to compete and I felt that I was spending more energy trying to get him to do stuff than just doing it myself.

finishthemoff: Is that true that Billy is a main reason why you guys came in second during first TC?

Cecilia: Hmmm, I don't know. Without being a sore loser, there was a bit of "bending of the rules" by Puka. For example, they talked while they were not supposed to be talking, they cut corners, etc. If you guys notice, the first person is already on top of the plank thing before all the N S W E squares are in and before all the rungs of the ladder are in. They beat us by very little time. Billy did slow us down a bit, though.

love me or leave me: Looking back, did you regret throwing that challenge seeing as how three of you went out one after another right after that? Think it was maybe karma or just bad luck?

Cecilia: The challenge --- well. Definitely this season was all about Karma. So yes, maybe karma came back to get us. But at that time, with the adjustment to living on an island and being part of this crazy human experience, it seemed like the right thing to do. It was part that Billy was not trying at all, part that he tried to make alliances with all of us the day we got there, and part that we just did not feel that he was with us (the original Aitu.) So all in all, the Latinos got pagonged (is that the word)??

fsmdud: Actually, the word is "OWNED."

AMAI: The word would be "Pagonged," except Ozzy ended up coming second, so it doesn't apply.

Cecilia: Looking back, I don't think the decision affected my boot (Billy would have ended up on Raro most likely), but it did affect JP and Cristina maybe.

Karen1407: Cecilia, was Billy as sick as he said? Was THAT the main factor for throwing the challenge or was it that he was trying to align with all of you guys?

Cecilia: Yes, he appeared to be sick (some of us actually think he may have been faking it) but he did throw up a lot. The main reason for me was his lack of teamwork and the sour attitude. For JP it was that he couldn't trust him. I'm not sure for Oz but I'd say lack of teamwork. Cristina just went with the flow. At fist she didn't want to, but then she did.

What I do know is that in this season, being a "player" and knowing the game gave people a bad feeling. Like in Billy's case, people saw him as a threat because he knew the show front and back.

Krom777: Ozzy shouldn't have shook that rope to make poor Billy fall in the water in that challenge.

Cecilia: At the time I didn't notice that it was Ozzy shaking the rope. I thought it was Billy trying to hold on. I think that was mean.

tutorial: Was it Billy's sole decision (which eventually indirectly led to Ozzy's loss) to send the hunkalicious Yul to Exile?

Cecilia: No way, it wasn't his at all. He keeps on taking credit for that. He is only one. It was the team's. He just pronounced it. Ask Ozzy.

salchicho: So it wasn't really Billy's decision to send Yul to Exile Island?

Cecilia: He made that up. It wasn't his decision. Since we all knew we were going to lose, we called it ahead of time. He asked to be the one to "say it." He said, "Let me be the one to say it so that they are not mad at you guys."

AMAI: Wait, did Billy know you were throwing the challenge, or did he just believe that the decision to send Yul was made "in case" you lost?

Cecilia: He did know. We didn’t know that he knew. But at tribal he said it “I heard them talking about throwing the challenge,” and Jeff asked JP, "Did you throw the challenge?" and he said, "Yes." Did that air? I don’t remember. I think it did. In any event, supposedly he knew. But the weird thing is that he didn’t confront us until tribal. Which is weird. Knowing him, he would have tried to confront us before…

CSCin3D: Why would you guys want to send strong people to Exile Island when you know they had a better chance of finding the idol?

Cecilia: We didn't know he was smart. We just knew he seemed to be the leader of Puka, and Puka was kicking ass, so we figured we could hurt them. Remember, at that time we hadn't talked to him so we didn't know much about him at all.

QJaz: In Billy's boot ep, we saw you and Cristina chatting in Spanish. Was that strategy or did you frequently converse in Spanish?

Cecilia: That was so weird. I don’t know why she did that, because everyone spoke Spanish, so if she was trying to be secretive, well, that wouldn’t work. No, we didn’t often speak. I think I may be the only native speaker; although Oz was born in Mexico I think he grew up here. I know that Cristina’s Spanish is not very good, so I had a hard time understanding her. That is why I was, "Who??? What??/ Oscar who???" JP had only said a few words here and there. I don’t think he speaks it well.

Piranhahaha: Did your tribe contemplate that by ditching Billy, you were saving someone else's nightmare?

smokeitgood: Piranhahaha, I asked Rebecca what would've happened if Hiki had lost the second IC, and she said they would've kept Nate and booted Stephannie because they realized they needed his strength.

Cecilia: What do you mean, Piranhahaha? Where we made the mistake was not thinking ahead. We really thought that we'd have at least one more boot before the merge. We figured that if they had gone through so much trouble with the race thing, they would get their money's worth and make it last. So when we were going to the merge, we thought we were going to a challenge. We must have looked stupid because we were all talking how now we were gonna kick butt and this and that. Also, we were so focused on the Billy drama that we did not plan on how we were gonna stay alive in the game and take care of each other.

Oowatanite: Did you know beforehand that Billy was gonna mention Candice at the TC where he was booted?

Cecilia: No, I knew about his 'love at first sight' but I didn't think he would bring it up. It was random. And he mentioned it out of nowhere. I think he did it to have people talking about him for months to come.

Oowatanite: It was pretty funny seeing you and Cristina trying to hold in your laughter before giving up and having a good laugh.

Cecilia: I know. It was so funny especially Jeffy's reaction. His eyes popped out and he covered his mouth so as not to laugh in his face.

MERGE/SWAP
cesspooldiver: Why were Aitu and Raro the camps chosen over Puka and Hiki? Seems like Aitu and Puka had the best camps.

Cecilia: I don’t know. Maybe it was easer for production to shoot at / get to Raro?

James Barber: How did you feel about one of your most memorable moments being that scene at the merge/swap where you pulled your buff down your legs?

Cecilia: LOL. I don't mind it. They must have thought I was sexy…then again who wouldn’t’!!! J/K. They did the same to Candice…maybe some camera man had a stripper fetish or something.

salchicho: Why was Flicka your first choice in the pick 'em game?

Cecilia: She seemed very strong and down to earth. I remembered from finals in LA where we made eye contact (she was listening to her iPod and flashed me a big smile.) She just seemed real.

Sol Invicto: I love that scene where the tribes merge and Jonathan tries to kiss you and you turn your head away. Did you think he was going to slip you the tongue?

Cecilia: LOL. No, I think I was in shock because of the merge. I WAS NOT HAPPY :) I think I was looking back to JP and Cristina like "WTF."

Callboy389: And what were Sundra and Becky like on the nuAitu tribe in the little time you spent with them? We all know they got horrible edits but I was curious to see what you thought from the short time you spent with them.

Cecilia: Hmm, to be honest, I didn't get to know Sundra and Becky that much. Sundra a bit more, she seemed very sweet and very happy with the merge. I remember that Ozzy went fishing (while all the talking was going on to vote me off, that is why he couldn't defend me I think) and he came back with a boatload of fish. Actually I think that that scene when Yul wants to call Oz 'Poseidon' is from that time. I can be wrong, but I recognized the fish! I laid them on the slash (that is want we called the wooden board - inside joke.) Anyway, Sundra was almost in tears of joy. We talked about her son, men, life etc. She seemed really sweet and tried to lay low. I tried to chat up Becky too, asked her about her work, which I think makes her amazing, but I had to pull info out with a spoon. She wasn't that open to me.

Krom777: Who was the leader of the group and were there any arguments about it?

Cecilia: I don’t think there was a leader in the original Aitu. And by the time I left the merged Aitu, no one had stepped up as a leader.

AMAI: How much did you tell the girls (and guys) at New Aitu about the thrown challenge?

Cecilia: At least until I was gone, we didn't tell the new Aitu about the thrown challenge. When they asked us what happened to Billy, we said that he was really sick (which he was) and that's why we voted him off. Actually I remembered telling Oscar that we should take it to the grave (or the merge) because it would have been like Interview With The Vampires. You know, when the old vampires find out that Brad Pitt killed Tom Cruise and they bury him alive???

Will: LOL! What a bizarre reference!!! And I love it!

Cecilia: Well that is why we didn't tell them. I don't know when they found out.

Oowatanite: Why did you decide to tell Candice all about Billy's love?

Cecilia: Because there was a small chance that he wasn't full of it. So I wanted to find out the truth (if she told him she loved him too, like he said) because part of the reason for throwing the challenge was I did not believe a word he said. So by telling Candice, I was hoping to get a confirmation if my feelings about Billy were founded or not...make sense?

finisthemoff: What do you remember about the ep 3 challenge?

Cecilia: That it sucked big time. Yul came up with the plan of: "We have no chance against the beefcakes, we go one way around and the girls drop their weight to the men and we try to catch them by surprise." It was really tiring. Also, I was not happy about the merge. I really loved my original Aitu, and after throwing the challenge I was praying for the chance to show that we did the right thing, but we didn't get it. I was missing JP and feeling that I would have been a better fit at the Raro tribe, so I tried to suck it up and play along and not show that I was disappointed (that is why I made such a big effort of being the hostess with the mostest - which probably came back to haunt me). Anyway, this was not a happy day.

misanthrope: Why did the team let Yul decide Aitu strategy for the Chase Around the Circle challenge? I know the Aitu guys are a lot smaller but the Aitu gals seem stronger and in better shape than the Raro gals. Aitu had a shot if they had played it straight up. And if Aitu had lost, they could've voted out the weakest performer, probably Sundra.

Cecilia: That was a tough, tough challenge. Yes, the girls were strong but man, we could not hang for that long. We fucked up and started trying to run. It was an endurance challenge so we burnt out the first run around. I think luck had a big factor in my case. We merge and turns out that the two tribes are beefcakes vs. agile smarts, and the first challenge is one day later and it's 100% strength. We had no chance.

NIGHTCRAWLER: According to your profile, you are knowledgeable in Japanese. Why didn't you use this experience to get closer to Yul and Becky?

Cecilia: I didn't have time. The one night we had together I tried to bond with Flicka and Sundra. Becky and Yul were a bit closed off.

CECILIA'S BOOT
finishthemoff: Why you and not Sundra?!

Cecilia: I don't know, lack of time. Oscar and I approached her for an alliance. Soon after Jonathan and Yul approached her, so she was the swing vote. After we lost the challenge, the first gut feeling was Becky and we tried to go with that. Not enough time to strategize.

Callboy389: Was Sundra out of the loop, or did she, like Ozzy, know that Yul was campaigning for your departure?

Cecilia: I'm sure Sundra knew. That is why she said, "Becky, I'm only voting for you because I know you're not going home tonight."

Adrian Marcello: Why do you think Becky approached Candice and Jonathan instead of you and Ozzy for an alliance? What the fuck was so great about Candice?

Cecilia: Rumor has it that they had an agreement from before the show. We were all in the same room (right before the show, when we do press). Actually: Jonathan, Ozzy, Yul, Candice, Becky and Sundra were all in the same room, Flicka and Cao Boi were in another. Anyway, I've heard that they were in a thing from before the game. Don't know for sure. What I do know is that the day the game started, we all woke up early to go to the boat and I saw Yul and Jonathan shaking hands in what could be interpreted "good luck" or "we have an agreement," I don't know. But funny that Jonathan picks Yul over seemingly stronger JP for example, and Jonathan, Yul and girls had an alliance right away.

After we lost, we only had a few hours before Tribal. I'd say 4 max. So I've only had 1.5 days to get to know my new tribe.

The two people in my "agreement," Cao Boi and Flicka, were very vocal about how they didn't want to play the game, form alliances, they just wanted to camp and go fishing (at least at first). Cao Boi had said, "Don't talk to me about alliances, let's just vote for the weakest link." He was the fist one to call out Becky, but was persuaded based on the Puka bond. Once he flips, Jessica gets scared and she flips.

I realize that may be happening and I try to plead my case and five minutes later the producers yell at us and say, "Shut up, you gotta go to Tribal, can't talk anymore." I just ran out of time.

Astridr: Sheesh, did the producers really tell you to shut up? I didn't think they would stop you and interfere with the game. I thought you'd be free to garner votes all the way till voting.

Cecilia: Nope. We were all talking about the vote and Ozzy and I were trying to convince Cao Boi and Flicka not to flip. We straight got told to shut up and move it. After that I was really pissed off. It was all too fast. I had just met them. In the end, I think my vote was pivotal because it sealed Yul's and Becky's power over the whole game. And who were the first Aitu people who joined in Australia? Cao Boi and Flicka.

Adrian Marcello: Cecilia, for real? They actually told you to shut up? DAAAAAAMMMMN, they had it out for you. Looks like someone didn't want you to win. ;)

Cecilia: Not just me; they told they whole tribe to shut up, stop talking and go to tribal.

Dogmatic Atheist: Besides Ozzy, who was an outsider from start to finish? The rest seems to add up as a group.

Cecilia: Yes, but he either slept or listened to his music the whole time. Oscar mostly slept. There don't seem to be any resentments among the cast members this season. Some people don't like some people, or they think they did something dumb but it's all PC. I know that pisses you off :)

finishthemoff: According to Ozzy, he sadly voted against Becky and accused her of, "You never try to get to know me." What did he mean by it?

Cecilia: Well, we had little time together before that vote. I think that Becky was all business: making alliances, strategizing, etc. so while most of us chit chatted and got friendly, she was more serious and more focused.

dannystultz: You went far too early.

Cecilia: Hmm yes. Dumbass Flicka screwed me (she only flipped when Cao Boi flipped) and they both got to join me in Australia for the non-jury trip. Now Flicka is one of my BFFs and I will love her always.

I spend many nights thinking and rethinking about the game. What I coulda, shoulda, woulda done. How I should have targeted Jonathan instead of Becky, how I should have made a good plea at Tribal; told Cao Boi that Yul and Jonathan had an alliance, told Flicka to stick with me for the numbers; told everyone that I thought Yul had the idol, etc. It never stops. It's crazy. This weekend was pretty intense. I mean it's over. It's done. On to Fiji.

James Barber: Were you disappointed with your edit on the show?

Cecilia: Yes and no. Yes because I was barely on the show. Hence the “Cecilia who? Questions” but at the same time, when I was shown, I was shown to be friendly and real. They showed that whole bit when Oz was sad/ mad I got voted off. Only someone well liked would get that. And when they went to the next challenge and Jeff goes, "Meet the new Aitu," the flash to JP and Cristina, looking at each other like “WTF!!”

So in the end, even though I was invisible, I still got to be part of it, had an amazing experience and got to go back to my real like with nothing to be ashamed of.

salchicho: How fast did the game go by on the island? Would you say that the editing was fairly accurate of the way that you and the people that you knew on the island were portrayed?

Cecilia: Time went very slow. By day 2 I felt that I had been there for 3 weeks. I think it was accurate in the sense that what they showed actually happened and it was real. But it was one-sided. Like Parvati, yes she is a fun flirty girl, but she is not only a fun flirty girl. I’m sure everyone says the same thing.

EARLY BOOTEES LOUNGE
survivor300: Was Sucks ever discussed on the show? At Loser Lodge, did they tell you not to talk about the show with the others or was it okay since you were not part of the vote?

Cecilia: They recommended us not to read the blogs, just for peace of mind. We could talk about the game all we wanted, but it got old quick.

finishthemoff: At Loser's Lodge did you tell Billy that Candice said that she didn't love him and she said "we love you"?

Cecilia: Yes, but I was very careful and sensitive about it. I knew that Candice could come and join us anytime and I didn't want it to catch him by surprise.

Sol Invicto: Did Billy wear that same shirt the whole time he was at loser's lodge? Is it fused permanently to his skin or something?

Cecilia: No, he has more shirts, most (if not all) with skulls and bones.

James Barber: Were you surprised when JP was voted out?

Cecilia: No, actually I called it. I figured, there is no way they are gonna have back to back IC that are all about brawn, so Raro is gonna lose for sure. Also, I figured that they would see him as a threat as an individual competitor, but that they didn’t need him as a team competitor because they had 3 other strong guys. So I knew he was coming.

Hall and Oates in Panama: Out of all the people who showed up after you, was one the most shocking?

Cecilia: Not one, I called Steph, Flicka, Cao Boi. JP knew that Cristina would be soon too.

garblue: Who was the most bitter of the pre-jury bunch? Did Cao Boi spend all day trashing Yul and Becky?

Cecilia: Billy. He wasn’t so much bitter, but he had a lot of post=game issues. The morning after Steph came, JP and I woke up to hear Billy talking about us and the game and how we did him so wrong. He knew that it would take him a while to get over it. Cao Boi was pretty bitter too. The same day he got there, he apologized to me for fucking up on my vote.

MultiGeminii: What's your best story from Loser's Lodge?

Cecilia: Gotta check my blog.

Krom777: Did everyone make up and apologize for their behavior how they acted on the island at loser lounge? Or are there still some resentments towards each other?

Ceci: Yeah, it was all good at losers lodge … even if it wasn't. People were nice and civil to each other. I was kinda scared to come back because of Billy, but he welcomed me with open arms. And I know Flicka and Cao Boi were scared because of me, but it was all good.

quietsurvivorfan: What was the per diem for loser's lodge? Did they provide the food you all cooked, or were you supposed to buy your own food on the per diem?

Cecilia: While in the Cooks, they boated in food. In Australia we bought it.

finishthemoff: How do you feel about JP's and Cristina's reactions to your boot? You can tell that they are bummed to see you gone so soon. Frankly, so was I.

Cecilia: Thanks! I loved it. JP and Cris told me that they noticed I wasn’t happy with the merge. And JP and super surprised that I got voted off because I was pretty strong and down for what eva!

Francois40: What did the "loser lodge" folks think when they found out the jury began at 12th? What sorts of speculation?

Cecilia: We realized when Cristina, Cao Boi and Flicka came to join us in Noosa. I think they were supposed to go somewhere else. And we were trying to figure out why they would do that. We didn't realize that it would be a final 3.

NON-JURY TRIP to NOOSA HEADS, Queensland, Australia
Cecilia: OMG I have a great Cao Boi story from Australia. It's better if I act it out, but I'll try. In the show, they give us these black hooded cloaks (like crazy monk). We called it the "scream outfit." We wear these when they take us to the airport and stuff (so the hundreds of crazy fans and paparazzi who travel all the way out there can't get us. Yeah right.) Anyway, we were in a club in Noosa and all of a sudden we turn around and see Cao Boi coming in wearing nothing but a pair of jeans and the scream outfit doing his Cao Boi dance (arms out like a mummy with spirit fingers). It was hilarious. Only Cao Boi would do something like that. He stole the scream outfit!

CuriousGeorgeTown: What did SEG let you do there? I mean, so that you wouldn't be noticed by spoilers?

Cecilia: It was weird. If they wanted us to go unnoticed that was the last place to send us. We stuck out like sore thumbs. Noosa is pretty quiet and not very diverse (race wise) and all of a sudden you have a Cao Boi and a Sekou and a crazy hair Flicka around: everyone knew us. Funny, they thought we were the cast of Big Brother Australia, or that Cristina was JLo, Flicka and I backup dancers, Cao Boi was JLo's cook, JP and Billy bodyguards and Sekou the band manager, and that we were hiding out in Noosa because JLo gained weight.

Everyone: LOL!

CuriousGeorgeTown: How long were you there and what were some of the things you did?

Cecilia: We just hung out, ate, went shopping, to the beach, clubbing. We had some activities: surfing, whale watching, horseback riding, zoo, working out. Mostly we cooked, drank lots of wine, jammed on the balcony (since Sekou, Billy and one of the handlers are musicians), drank lots of wine. It was the best time ever. Seriously.

We call ourselves the Noosa Heads Tribe (as opposed to Aitutonga). It was amazing that we had that time together. We bonded and got to know each other outside of the game. We had a couple of potlucks and dinner parties among ourselves and it was lovely to see everyone so into each other.

So if any of you are lucky enough to do the show, but end up getting voted off early, yes, it sucks, but you have an amazing trip to look forward to. Trust me. Part of my positive Survivor experience was the non-jury trip.

Oh, another fun fact: a bunch of us got tattoos by the same artist, so we are tat brothers and sisters :)

FINALE

Cecilia: This was taken backstage at the finale while we were watching the final show before the live show. We are laughing at the pathetic fire-making tiebreaker.

Oowatanite: I loved that pic of the players laughing while watching the pathetic fire challenge at the reunion. Were the final 4 / final 3 segregated in another room before the final 12 went out on the stage for the vote reveal?

Cecilia: No, we were all in the same room, but they went downstairs (to the stage) early to get all set up and ready for the vote count. They were sitting on the stage by the time they were airing the last tribal.

love me or leave me: Were you rooting for Ozzy to win?

Cecilia: I like Yul, but I was really rooting for Ozzy. Matter of fact, when they announced the winner I ran to hug Ozzy first. Nate stopped me but I was really sad Oscar didn't win, but I'm glad a deserving person won.

smokeitgood: Cecilia, you had the unfortunate privilege of having to sit next to Billy at the Reunion. Did he awkwardly say "I love you" to you at any point during a commercial break or are you too non-metal for him?

Cecilia: LOL. He has been calling me lil sis. So, no making out. Damn! That sucks.

smokeitgood: Tell us what Cao Boi was trying to say when Jeff shut him up at the Reunion since you were sitting maybe 3 people away from him.

Cecilia: I didn't ask Cao Boi about that. I think he was trying to reply to Brad's comment on the racial jokes??? I'm not sure. I was kinda tuned out and really, really tired. I looked super haggard at the finale because it was after 4 days of all night partying :) Should have rested up, but it was a fun time.

Krom777: What happened to Nate's leg? Did Jonathon kick his butt?

Cecilia: I think Nate sprained his ankle.

Oowatanite: Were there any Survivor alumni at the parties after the finale show was over? Whom did you meet and whom did you like?

Cecilia: Johnny Fairplay and RyanO were throwing a party. We were all excited about going because I have met these guys and others and I really wanted to go. Also I knew a lot of fans had flown out to LA just to meet us. But CBS said we couldn't go. As part of out contract we had to go to the In Touch party and they said that if we went, we were jeopardizing our price money.

Oowatanite: Do you have any funny stories to share?

Cecilia: I'm waiting to get the pics from my friends. We took lots of pics. We took one of the original Aitu 5 and it was super cute. We had like 20 cameras flashing. It's an adorable picture. Can't wait to share it with you guys.

OTHER CONTESTANTS
finishthemoff: I have a weird feeling that Yul has a "superior complex" as if he thinks he is too good for people like Cao Boi, Flicka, and Ozzy. Does he come off that way?

Cecilia: Hmmm. I don't know about that, don't know him that well. I do think that some people can't believe he is for real and that he is always politicking or has an agenda. I think it's because some people think that when something is too good to be true, it usually isn't. Like when one guy is being hit on by this amazingly beautiful girl at a club, way out of his league, and then realizes she's a trannie? (Inside joke with some friends) But anyway, I think that Yul is such a nice guy that the average Joe would think he's faking it.

Double Edged Sword: Can you ask J.P. what he thinks of our "Things J.P. Rolls His Eyes At" thread?

Cecilia: I have asked JP about the eye rolling thing: he loves it and thinks it's hilarious.

AMAI: Uh oh. Spoiler warning: the gay guys are going to ask after Brad and J.P. now!

nomiii: Is Brad a top or bottom? How about JP? Are they hung? Details and the secret pics you took of them please.

Cecilia: I don't want to answer the JP/Brad question. It's not my place. EVERYONE comes here. I've been coming here since I found out I was on the show. Ozzy's girl told me he was pretty addicted like me for a while. Who else started posting here? From my season I mean?

Spirit of: If it's to be believed both Ozzy and Jonathan have posted.

smokeitgood: Cecilia, there were rumors of you having a crush on JP around the time that the rumors about Brad and JP came out, so tell us what happened there.

Cecilia: JP is super hot, who could not have a crush on him????? Boy, girl, monkey, everyone can agree that he is hot. So yes, I had a crush on him. And yes, we flirted on the island. But now we are just good friends.

The Purple Parrot: "We are just good friends" = code for "I'm not JP's type because he doesn't like vagina."

Dogmatic Atheist: How is Billy doing these days with Candice? Have they begun a serious relationship yet? And does Billy sleep and shower in his clothes as well?

Cecilia: I'll tell Billy to post here... but tomorrow. I like the attention :)

Piranhahaha: Did you ever hear the punchline to Cao Boi's "a Vietnamese with three dogs" joke?

Cecilia: Something about a caterer?

MoriahBDC: Sundra said she didn't reveal she was an actress, what about Jonathan? Did you know about his Hollywood career on the island?

Cecilia: He told us he was a writer/producer. I didn’t know he was an actor.

finishthemoff: I remember reading it somewhere that you and Flicka considered Ozzy your little brother. How come?

Cecilia: I did. I really had a sisterly love for Oscar. I thought he was an amazing guy. I said that at tribal council but they didn't show it. I'm close to JP and Flicka, but Stephannie and Sekou are my big sis/ big bro. Love them dearly.

agent2424: Cece who would you say was the worst competitor this season, physically, mentally and socially?

Cecilia: Physically: Billy? Mentally: Flicka? Maybe just because she didn't want to pay the strategy game. Socially: Billy, because he antagonized his would-be allies.

finishthemoff: Is Flicka prettier in person than on the show? It seems that many of us (not including myself) don't find Jessica attractive.

Cecilia: She is beautiful. Lots of style and a blast to hang with. She's certainly not mainstream, but really a cutie.

tutorial: Can you tell Cristina that I love her and that I admire her will to fight in her life when she got shot during her duty?

Cecilia: Will do, I will email her to come here because she has lots of fans. You just gotta be nice to her, because she may get offended quickly. She has a thick skin but she don't play around :)

NIGHTCRAWLER: I read in some "Entertainment" magazine that Sekou told everyone that he is a psychologist or something.

Cecilia: He did because one of the reporters brought up Dan Fuego last season and somehow it inspired Se to lie. I don't know why. Weird.

NC: I also heard Billy is really good at making fire. What is the whole story?

Cecilia: What? With a lighter, maybe...

platinumtic: How bad was the body odor/hygiene for everyone while you were there? My friend said that Flicka looks like a girl who would smell bad and have armpit hair.

Cecilia: Mostly we smelled like smoke, but we couldn’t smell each other. We were clean enough, from being in the ocean. Cris and I had Spa day – we rubbed each other with mixture of salt and coconut. We boiled our clothes with some coconut pieces, so it actually smelled great. But one of the producers would call us “the stinkies.”

agent2424: Have you watched previous Survivors before? If so what is your favorite season *other than Cook Islands* and who is your favorite player from a previous season?

Cecilia: Well to be honest, the only one I've watched from end to end is Exile Island, and I love Cirie!

Francois40: Who are some of the Survivors from previous seasons you have met? Is there a big "master email list" or something to which you all belong and keep up (top secret from the public, naturally)?

Cecilia: I don't know of a list. Most of us get in touch via MySpace, I've met Aras, Bobby, Bruce, Courtney, Ken, Brooke, RyanO, Fairplay, Jeff Wilson, Janu ... And I think a couple more. Oh, Misty of course. Crazy thing. I know a couple of people compared us for the fact that we were both seemingly strong brunettes that got voted off 3rd for no good reason. But even before the show, I felt I had a weird connection with her (even before meeting her) so I reached out to her and she had been waiting to meet me too. We talked on the phone and we have sooo many things in common. It was really cool.

Francois40: Who have you not met but would like to?

Cecilia: Sandra!

WHAT IFS
blurry: If not Flicka, then who would have been your second choice during the pick-em at the first "merge"?

Cecilia: Hmmm, if not Flicka I would have picked Parvati, I think. She looked like a fun girl. But I couldn't pick her because she was a captain. So, then, maybe Jenny.

ryanne35: How do you think you could have done in the individual challenges? Any in particular you wish you could have competed in?

blurry: [re fto's SandFight pic] Oh, if only Ceci had been around long enough to participate in THIS challenge...

Cecilia: Dude, I would have kicked ass in that challenge. I got 34 inches of leg (X2) and like hmmm 20 inches or so arm. I would have wrapped myself around that post like nobody's business :)

THE END ... of this Blog Entry
There you go. Ceci's thread is still going strong at Sucks and there is plenty more to read. Plus she has a blog around somewhere! She pops in to visit, so if you'd like to ask her something, or just say hi, come over to Sucks and post!

Thanks for reading.

Until next time, thanks for visiting Survivor Sucks The Blog.

Check out Sir Links A Lot Survivor Cook Islands

Eps 7 & 8: Surprise, Surprise, Surprise!

2006-11-12T22:21:00.000-05:00

Real EPISODE 7 and EPISODE 8

I apologize for the delay in getting this Blog updated. By the time I'd recovered from a bout of flu last week, it was Wednesday, so I figured I'd just combine the two weeks into one entry. Besides, there wasn't that much of interest in Real Ep 7. Basically Flicka got the boot.

motivational poster by notremojo

Oh, and Ozzy caught a chicken he found while taking a dump.

Episode 8 provided excitement mainly in the form of surprises.

Surprise 1: Mutiny

When Jif announced the opportunity to mutiny, it was as if he'd morphed into a fairy godfather.

chop by ?

The twist also yielded plenty of fodder for a thread started by drinkinghotchocolate, which she called "Rank the stupid moves from tonight in order of stupidity." Of course, the items that Sucksters included ran the gamut:

drinkinghotchocolate: I counted the stupid moves as: (1) Candace defecting, (2) Jonathan defecting, (3) Nate, Jenny & Rebecca voting out Brad.

Osten Carty: Yul buying those big glasses.

AllMenAreIslands: Not voting out Jenny. She'll probably hook back up with Yul and Becky and be the ruination of everyone except Parvati, the only girl Jenny's ever loved.

Sunshine8503: (1) Nate, Jenny, and Rebecca voting out Brad; (2) Candace defecting.
Jonathan was screwed if he stayed or left so it didn't matter.

drinkinghotchocolate: Agreed (re Nate et al voting out Brad), good clarification,

Butterfly Flutterby: I didn't see this episode yet but Brad staying with his tribe who hate him sounds dumb.

Survivor Boy: Jonathan getting pissed at Probst... you don't want to mess with Probst!

pjadedd: Not voting out Candice or Jonathan. Wasn't Jenny sitting right there when Candice was telling Adam she didn't want to send him to Exile Island, etc, etc? It's obvious why she switched sides and one of the two people who were part of the mutiny should have gone.
ETA: Brad not taking part of the mutiny. He had nothing to lose. He was at the bottom of the totem pole of Raro (not sure if he realized it, though). Moving wouldn't really have hurt him.

vertstylus: Brad blabbing that he doesnt trust any of his tribe mates.

Canuky: jonathan defecting, candice defecting, yuls glasses, brad saying he doesnt trust his tribe, yul almost giving away the aiming secret, brad not defecting, (although at the time it wasn't all that dumb)

ChicaDificil: From least stupid to most stupid

3)Voting out Brad--It made sense to keep Jonathan over Brad since Jonathan had burned his bridges with the Aitu tribe. There was no threat of Jonathan aligning with any Aitus post-merge.

2) Jonathan defecting--He was already kind of in the outs with Aitu, and once Candace defected, he probably felt even more screwed. He would have been screwed in either tribe.

1) Candace defecting--She had a good thing going with Yul and Becky. All she had to do was be patient, and she would have still reunited with her frat-sorority clique of Adumb and Parvati. By defecting, she made herself instantly disliked by her Aitu friends. After such a betrayal, they are unlikely to vote for her if she were to make it to F2.

star jumper: 2. Me reading this thread. 1. You making this thread.

growsonwalls: 1. Candice defecting to be with her Aitu friends. They will probably merge in, what, 3 days? 2. Nate, Brad, Jenny, Jonathan, and Rebecca not teaming together to oust the Whitey threesome (Candice, Parvati, Adumb.) 3. Brad not defecting. 4. Jonathan defecting. He was screwed either way though.

Organized Grime: I think Brad not jumping ship should be on there -- although it does show that he wasn't the treacherous snake that Raro tried to make him out to be.

Him saying that he didn't trust Raro was NOT the reason he was voted out. They already knew going into TC that they were booting Brad, so good on him for getting the last word.

1. Candice jumping ship.
2. Nate/Jenny/Rebecca voting out Brad instead of Jonathan.
3. Brad not jumping ship/Jonathan jumping ship. (tied)

karen1407: 1) Candice deflecting. It could/should blow up in her face, but you never know. Of course, macking with Adumb next week won't help her.

2) Yul practically yelling to just look thru the cannonball chute and forget the stupid target thingy. That could have fucked them over. It didn't, but that doesn't make it any less stupid of a move on his part, and I love me some Yul.

3) Casting Rebecca, Becky & Sundra and not bothering to give them any screen time to date.

squashthebeef: 1. Turning on the TV. 2. um...I got nothing

Organized Grime: Candice was never in danger of leaving on Aitu -- Becky and Yul trusted her more than Ozzy, Jonathan or Sundra. She's killed her chances to actually win the game. If she's up against Adam or Parvarti, they theoretically have votes from other members of Raro while she will always be viewed as a traitor (even by the Raro jurors for abandoning her tribe). She would have been reunited with A/P soon enough without the scarlett letter. Then she would have had two cushions of safety (A/P and B/Y).

WylDawg: It's funny that people get voted off for saying it's every man for himself, because it's actually true.

AllMenAreIslands: Organized Grime, there's so much we don't see, but from the little we have seen, we know Yul was starting to spend quality strategizing time with Ozzy. Yul bandied Ozzy's name around as someone to boot "soon," but she may have been hearing that for a couple of boots now (Cao Boi and Flicka boots) and begun to feel like the talk of booting Ozzy was just a cover to keep the actual bootee in the dark. I think she felt VERY uneasy at Aitu.

ktchong: Jonathan did not have a choice. He had to leave, because when Candice stepped out of the mat, he immediately become the next guy on the chopping block.

drinkinghotchocolate: Jonathan was the next guy on the chopping block regardless. If anything, he benefited because now everyone thinks he has alienated so many people. He's now one of those "I'd like to have him at the end with me" guys. Candace's move was definitely dumber, because: 1) She had 4 people who were loyal to her. 2) She went from an alliance with 4 people to an alliance with 2 people she "likes better." 3) She is going to be a bigger target than Jonathan because of her relationship with Adumb.

smashbox: This is all easy for us to say after we had like 5 hours to think about it. Candice and Jonathan only had 10 seconds.

drinkinghotchocolate: Um, it took me two seconds after Probst annouced the twist to say, "Wow, you'd be a complete idiot to mutiny."

smashbox: Is it possible it could have been Candice and Jonathan's plan to defect and totally sabotage the Raro tribe and then go back to the Aitu alliance after the merge?

KerryAhn: Jonathan made the stupidest move. He panicked and followed Candace without thinking about it. When in doubt, stay put…. Candace made a questionable decision. She figured she had a better chance with Parv/Adumb than she did with Becky/Sundra. While she was in no danger on Aitu (love you, AMAI, but what are you smoking?) it was pretty obvious that Becky's primary loyalty is to Yul, not her, and who knows where Sundra's primary loyalty lies (Rebecca and Nate, still?) …Nate, Rebecca and Jenny thought they were making a smart move, as they don't see Jonathan as a threat. And truly, he's not but that doesn't mean he won't become one. They need to wake up and start thinking about the game a little more logically, less emotionally. I think they eventually will, I only hope that they aren't in a pagong situation by that point.

drinkinghotchocolate: This was worth her throwing away 4 jury votes and creating a team that hates her?

Oowatanite: Candice made a stupid move. She was in a F3 with Becky and Yul. She had Ozzy and Jonathan and Sundra ahead of her in the boot pecking order. She will receive no winning votes from the remaining Aitu, unless Jonathan is sitting beside her at F2. Jonathan had no choice but to jump, once Candice pulled the trigger. Rebecca, Jenny and Nate were foolish to allow the four white Raros to get a numbers advantage in their tribe. Nate is the main culprit though, and Jenny and Rebecca had to vote Brad just to keep themselves "voting with the tribe."

drinkinghotchocolate: Let's get serious here too. Jonathan did have a choice, just not a good one. He was at the bottom of the pecking order no matter what he did. If anything, making himself a bigger target was almost a good move. He's already the biggest target anyways, why not make it so that he's such a big target, that he's not that much of a threat?

The conversation and debate continues. And personally, I've begun to see that Jonathan's defection was not the stupidest move of the episode: not booting Jonathan was, tied with Brad not jumping ship when he had the chance. He'd still be in the game.

Surprise 2: Yul's Glasses

motivational poster by notremojo

Surprise 3: Aitu winning both challenges

"Wow. Someone shot a big load onto Yul's back."

caption by Coachocd

motivational poster by Tatiana888

Perhaps it's just that both challenges were geared to Ozzy's strength, swimming, but one can only imagine how worried the mutineers were.

motivational poster by suzaneartheriver

A lot more worried than when they all joined up, that's for sure. As we saw, it was pretty obvious that Raro didn't look at the alliance staring them in the face.

motivational poster by Organized Grime

Surprise 4: Brad 1st Member of Jury
I started a thread about this twist and everyone had all sorts of ideas about how it will play out.

AllMenAreIslands: YAY. I get my wish! I asked for a bigger jury.

Ralph Wiggum for President: Snap! Love it. LOVE it. Brad...voting for anyone on Aitu over anyone from Raro.

ManWhore019: Who breaks the tie?

LPMA: I was wondering if I heard right!

RobVanStratus: WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!? That makes 10 jurors....what the fuck is up with this game?

Antithesys: If you assume they still vote on only two players at the end.

NlGHTCRAWLER: Oooooooooooooooooh! That would be cool, Anti!

karen1407: WTF? Now we can have a tie w/10 on the jury?? Or will one random person not make the jury?? They can't have an F3 because they could still have a 3 way tie.

Gnomesie: Great more boring questions in the finale.

Sigvold: With fabulous Brad on the jury, it surely will be a grand jury!

Brightside Sucks: StepheME breaks the tie. DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

love me or leave me: :lol

vertstylus: I always thought the jury should be bigger this time because there was 20 contestants.

she314: I loved Nate's "Bitch, please!" look at the end.

dannystultz: wtf the finale's going to be rushed. 5 people, 10 jurors. Ugh

PrettyGoodYear1988: Jury of 10? Maybe someone's going to get voted out but not get on jury. Or is the jury going to decide between the Final Three instead of the Final Two? That would be interesting.

Will: What'd be funny is if Jeff says the next person will not make the jury.

TroubleInTampa: …I'm sure he was surprised at being the first member of the jury.

Vyvvi: I'm thinking they give America a vote, making 11 jurors.

PrettyGoodYear1988: I think they did that in Survivor UK, didn't they? It sounds lame, though. It would be especially pointless if there were a majority within the jury anyway.

pough: As soon as i realized it was ten jurors i had thought this too. it would be preferable over three finalists.

snowboarders only: 10-person jury HATE

platinumtlc: I would love to see a Final 3 with the Jury members voting for the winner in the final 3.

Krusty001: Didn't see that coming! It sucks that Flicka was voted out last week and not tonight though. She would have provided some good reactions on the jury.

Organized Grime: It probably won't even be a tie (especially if some dumbass like Candice is in the F2).

Strange Frute: How? I don't see how you can have a 3 way tie with 9 jurors.

QualityBobby: Well, if they vote on the final 3, that would be a 9 member jury. You could have a 3-3-3 tie.

ProbstFan123: They probably got tired of the best player losing at F3.

CyclehausensGhost: If the F3 loser didn't get a vote, that would belly-up the game.

karen1407: They can't have 3 in the finale because there are a number of ways to have a tie for two anyway even if America gets a vote. Two could tie while the third gets fewer votes. I say still a F2 and a challenge amongst the 10 jury to see who gets booted off the jury. Of simply the jury votes to see who leaves. If that ties, they have a fire tie breaker. Anyway, it seems like an interesting twist.

ag: Maybe Brad is the first... and last member of the jury.

Slick Fitz: I think this is where that mystery bottle comes in. 2 people might get voted out in the next episode, but only one will be selected to make jury. So the jury will still be set at 9.

NlGHTCRAWLER: The bottle has poison in it, and the loser on the next ep has to drink it, causing them to die.

Muad Dib: actually it's worse. The surprise in the bottle is Stephanie in paper form.

Muffdiver2: A final 3 vote would hold 9 jurors not 10

neomatrix925: Here's a voting process that would solve all! There will be an electoral college system in which the races will vote separately. Whoever gets the most votes out of those races receives a number of electoral votes corresponding to the number of members of that race left.

Tammi: Maybe a psychic has told them that someone will fall into the fire ala Mike Skupin. Then they would need ten rather than nine... This whole thing makes no sense, but it surely has everyone thinking!

unduli clone: According to TVGuide, next week's a double boot. My guess is that the losing tribe takes the bottle (according to the recap preview), and it has something to do with deciding which person who goes next week isn't on the jury.

WarningSpoilerAhead: My guess is the note in the bottle somehow has to do with someone being voted out who will NOT serve on the jury. Remember guys, there's still 11 people left and 18 days left to get to the Final Two. Which means there has to be another double boot episode, and who loses that reward challenge the person voted out does not serve on the jury as a result of losing. Just my theory.

Will: Oh how amusing it would be if Ozzy didn't get on the jury.

ProbstFan123: Yeah, but then why didn't they do the double boot this week? It makes no sense to have a booted player make the jury, then have the next person voted out not make jury, and then the next person makes the jury. It seems unnecessarily convoluted, which means it probably happens that way.

Captain Pavlov: Are you people fucking stupid? The even numbered jury is going to work just like... wait for it... a jury! Instead of each jury member getting an individual vote like they usually do in this game, they'll have to deliberate and reach a decision as a group like they do in a trial.

Survivor Boy: That's actually a really great idea, it would be cool if they deliberated right in front of the final 2.

unduli clone: Oh, and another idea I had... At the F3, there's an IC. The winner automatically advances to the F2, and the 9 jurors vote out of the remaining two members. Then one of two things could happen:
(1)The first three jurors (Brad and the next two) are done, and the F3 person joins the jury to make a 7-person jury who votes on the F2.
(2)The F3 person voted out goes home, and aren't a jury member. The 9-person jury votes on the winner.

That'd be one way of not eliminating the worthy F3 player.

Canuky: That's a wicked idea too bad its probably too good to actually happen. If the bottle contains something that could add or nullify a vote I hope to god Yul or Ozzy get it. Do they merge next episode? Beause wouldnt they be individually competing for the bottle?

Chilibmom: Or the person who gets the bottle will be able to void a vote, or double their own, or be the one NOT to make the jury. All sorts of possibilities.

The Rogue Wave: Brad really isn't on the jury. That's the message in the bottle, along with the remains of all the Survivors' SAG cards burned to a crisp.

Survivor Boy: Holy shit! Was this even spoiled before hand? I can't help but think they might bring people back.. Brad wasn't even ever on the same tribe as Ozzy and Sundra!!! How is this even fair?? If it's Yul and Ozzy in the final 2 why should Brad vote for Ozzy? He doesn't even know him! This twist is messed up and there is probably more to it. The whole voting on final 3 does kind of make sense if they're going to be 5 in the final episode.

AllMenAreIslands: It is fair because that's how it is. It's a new twist. If one or both of Ozzy and Sundra make it to F2, Brad's question would hopefully be more interesting than we've seen over the years.

Kai5925: I don't think it's fair, but ONLY because Brad has never played with Sundra or Ozzy before. I think they should have at least had everyone live together for a few days.

ProbstFan123: The bottle probably contains coupons for Red Lobster or something.

WarningSpoilerAhead: One twist at a time ProbstFan, the mutiny was set for this week and the double boot for next. However, my idea was that two people from the same tribe will be booted and the note has something to do with which one of those two won't be on the jury. I highly doubt there's Final 3 voting scenario.

Streetcleaver59: If there is a final 3, have the jurors vote 1-2-3. A F3 would get 3 points for a 1st place vote, 2 for second, 1 for third. Highest point total wins. In the event of a tie, then most first place votes etc as a tie breaker.

Sunshine8503: ~YAY~ 10 person jury!! I didn't expect that at all.

Butterfly Flutterby: On Big Brother, the final 2 are allowed to nullify someone's vote.

pjadedd: Butterfly, in the US version, that was only done in season 2 of BB.

WarningSpoilerAhead: The more I think about, the more I think that one of the Final Two will be able to nullify a jury member's vote. Perhaps as a final reward challenge held at Tribal Council in front of the jury and the winner nullifies a juror right then and there. Then the questioning begins.

MidnightPrince69: If they have three people left in the end to vote for, I'm suing Viacom for stealing my idea. That happened in my Survior game at the verse, several years ago. I knew CBS moles were taking notes.

Hey! I kinda like it here!: Obviously the note for next week will likely have something to do with keeping the Jury a non-even number. So, instead of a jury of 10, there'd be a jury of 9. What happens then at the final 2? All 9 jury members ask their questions and then each member of the final 2 has the opportunity to veto one jury member's vote…

madcap03: Didn't you people pay any attention? The bottle contained "crucial information." It's fairly obvious in my eyes that each week whether or not the TC bootee makes jury is going to be a completely random event, and the note inside the bottle details precisely which TCs have a jury member boot, and which ones don't. Imagine strategising around that!

James Barber: That means in all the seasons, all the openly gay people (except maybe Jeff Varner, I don't know if he was out or not) have made the jury.

thefunnystone: ^ What about Sonja?

James Barber: Thanks, I forgot about her. Probably because the show didn't tell people she was a lesbian.

Stranded: What if it's just like in Guatemala and it's information to help them in a future immunity challenge? Why has no one come up with this?

Bleebb: Most people seem to think there will be a 10 person jury so there can be three finalists. A different possibility is that some future challenge could be for their jury spot - i.e. the loser would lose their jury privilege.Of course, there's no way to know for sure. I'm just getting so sick of this stale old format that I wish they would cancel this thing and maybe come up with a new format that would eliminate Jiffy as well as some of the other objectionable elements of this show.

SweetDreamerr: Maybe the jury will vote one of themselves out to make 9?

***
There are some great ideas in there, as well as the usual contingent of jokesters. Are we correct in our assumption that there will be a bigger jury? Time will tell.

Surprise #5.
To find it, click on the title of this Blog Entry. Be careful about clicking links in the thread, because you won't get what you're looking for. Instead, check p. 7 of the thread for instructions. Happy viewing.

Until next time, thanks for visiting Survivor Sucks The Blog.

Check out Sir Links A Lot Survivor Cook Islands

Eps 6 & 7: Double Boot, THEN the Recrap? WTF?

2006-10-31T21:16:00.000-05:00

It's almost time for a proper episode of Survivor. The good thing about the Recrap Episode is having a week off. We'll get to the bad things about the Recrap in a moment.

CAO BOI

motivational poster by WylDawg

AmberKnecht heard Paula Cole's Where Have all the Cowboys Gone? right after the show: "Because I was still celebrating his elimination, the alternate words just popped into my head."

Dude you are so crazy
Complained the girls are lazy
While watching them comparing their pits
You worship Tengeroa
And prove that you don't know the Diff'rence
'twixt Shinola and shits
They won't vote you off next,
if you'll just shut your yap
Where is my champagne?
They voted off Anh-tuan
They'd rather keep their bad winds
Just as long as Cao Boi's gone

CHRISTINA

Cristina also got booted, but nobody wrote a song parody about her.
However, one of the vote papers:

inspired Remote33 to start a thread, "What other votes would Jenny cast?" It's up to 18 pages. Here are a handful of entries:

chop by Remote33

chop by beatles20147

chop by Ultra Discharge

chop by smokeitgood

chop by Lake Like The Ocean

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE
Although Jenny's Votes kept everyone busy, Episode 6's Pole Challenge inspired a handful of motivational posters:

motivational poster by notremojo

motivational poster by jhapet

KIDNAPPING NATE

love me or leave me started a thread about the decision to kidnap Nate, "Should Aitu have taken Cristina?": Oh yeah, let's capture a guy who isn't in jeopardy and is still gonna keep their tribe strong once he goes back instead of the weak Cristina which would obviously throw the other tribe into a tizzy and leave them with a weaker member for the next IC. Dumbasses.

The posters took it from there:

Mega64: Fucking morons. Nothing but idiots playing this season.

Strange Frute: They should have chosen Cristina so she'd be safe. Damn!

kmill: I imagine that members of Aitu will try to make deals with him, which would probably be the only beneficial decision they could make. I wish they would have taken Jenny, that would've been interesting.

The Marquesan Godfather: Well, the whities probably want Adam's plans to work out, so why take away his boot choice?

Will: Let's see, take somebody when they already have enough strength to crush them or somebody that the tribe hates. Or did they not take Cristina because they didn't want her on their tribe either?

WylDawg: They would've been fucking scrambling for their lives had they chose X-Tina instead. There was just no excuse for such stupidity.

Piranhahaha: No kidding. If anything was obvious from listening in on that TC was that Cristina was despised. Plus he's arguably their best physical threat. That is easily one of the stupidest decisions ever made in this game.

The Marquesan Godfather: Candice and Jonathan plan on reuniting with Adam at the merge. There's no reason to take away his boot choice and cause a giant scramble.

growsonwalls: You know I'm wondering if they wanted to use some reverse psychology. Like bring Nate over, and isolate him from the tribe, so they'll vote him out next TC because they don't trust him??? That's the only reason I can think of for such a dumb decision.

shoeless rye: Maybe Aitu realized that Cristina was the strongest female on Raro and if they were going to cannibalize her, who were they to stop them? I mean if they saved Cristina, Raro would have just booted a weaker female and thus would have made them stronger. Basically, Cristina being booted was a good thing for Aitu, so why mess that up and maybe see a Jenny or Rebecca boot.

OZZY
A pictorial interlude.

Yum.

motivational poster by ShiiAnnsWedgie

"Recap sucks"
The dumbed down recrap had the words "New Scene" on every tidbit of new material, so nobody could use the excuse that they couldn't tell the difference between the actual recrap and the ne'er before seen stuff. Because, you know, without the labelling who could tell?

The only thing that was really new was learning Nate was approached to help boot JP. So at least now we know he wanted to stick out like a sore thumb, and wasn't deliberately left out of the loop. He sure was determined to get rid of Stephannie.

fsmdud started a thread: They just spent 10 minutes showing us a useless black fat ass who kept falling out of a boat. The invisible losers are still invisible. Bring back Fatricia and Janet and BB.

kmill: They snubbed Cece... this fucking sucks.

Mega64: More Ryan Shoulders, please.

WylDawg: Recraps are always bad but this one was particularly shitty. They've only showed extensions of stuff we already knew (i.e JP getting blindsided, X-Tina bitching).

pjadedd: It did show that CaoBoi is a hypocrite. From the first time the episode aired and tonight, it certainly looked like he was all for voting off Becky. Then, he's pissed Puka voted him off. STFU, ass!

WylDawg: ^ Good point. Seriously, what's the fucking point of having a double TC if you're gonna have a recrap the following week? Doesn't that cancel out the double boot? So you might as well have two regular one-boot episodes IMO.

garblue: I never thought of that. Is this the first season where there was a double boot and a recap? Vanuatu, Palau, and Guatemala all had double boots, and I don't think any of them had a recap.

teenytiny83: Ozzy is the new Rupert. He doesnt have a storyline beyond the fishing thing.

growsonwalls: Wow this recrap was really that: a recrap. Not nearly as good as last year's.

SurvivorFan429: Only person we heard more out of was Rebecca and to a smaller extent Candice and Adam. The rest were ignored, and the usual suspects were featured (Cao Boi, Jonathan, Yul, Nate, Parvati).

terrysucks: I watched Ugly Betty instead.

Sunshine8503: Me, too!

notremojo: Every other thing was about STEPHANNIE?? Are you kidding me CBS??

Phantom Nut Syndrome: LAME, this season sucks, why extend it by a week? Bastards.

fat chubber: Yes, but we got an even better look at Adumb's blinding stupidity. Seriously, he was looking in the fucking plant for the hidden idol.

bluelaker: I WAS SO BORED WATCHING THIS SHIT I WAS STICKING PENCILES IN MY EYE.. WHAT LAME GARBAGE..

boredmale: They should have not had the double tribal council last week if they going to show shit like this. Why is this recap so early into the season.

The Marquesan Godfather: Oh, this recap did suck. I haven't looked at any spoilers, but basically, every episode, the boot has been easy to figure out, and now we had to sit through them again. So lame.

willsucks402: I was all excited to get off of work and watch my tape of the show. Then i see it was a recap??? FUCBS .

Syoma: Nothing interesting on this recap. It's already a recap and still.. Lots of them are Darrah Johnsoned.

cabanachat: Worst. Recrap. EVER.

motivational poster by notremojo

Thanks for visiting Survivor Sucks The Blog.

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Episode 5: Intrepid Explorers & Doing The Mashed Potato

2006-10-16T22:32:00.000-04:00

Previously,

motivational poster by Mateui

Episode 5

One of the more interesting things to occur on Survivor in recent memory was this episode's visit by Cao Boi, Ozzy and Flicka to Raro's camp.

First, the "dancing" by Candice and Sundra to avoid the journey was mildly amusing.

motivational poster by NIGHTCRAWLER

Ultimately, tho, those two women missed a golden opportunity to infiltrate the mad hatters' group and find out what, if anything, is going on with them.

Arriving on the island gave Ozzy the chance to tell the viewers what he thinks of them:

motivational poster by peasprouts

It was the visit itself, however, that inspired KaizerSozeLives to start a thread entitled, "I thought they weren't allowed to invade the other tribe..." He reprinted info from Wikipedia, which advises,

"Tribe members may not raid or visit the campsite of another tribe unless they are doing so as part of an immunity challenge, reward challenge or tribal merger activity with the other tribe. They also cannot visit the TV crew compound."

The entry lists the five times a contestant has been allowed to tread on forbidden ground, including Mike Skupin's rescue in Outback and Guatemala's visit by one tribe to another to invite them for chocolate and a dip in the pool. Also listed? The Aitu visit to Raro. That's pretty quick updating.

Survivor300: "Cao Boi really screwed things up for himself. I did think that going to the other camp brought something different to the show."

Pink Karnation: "Why didn't any of them have the balls to tell Cao Boi to shut the fuck up?

motivational poster by KaizerSozeLives

KaizerSozeLives: "Not that I'm realy complaining - Cao Boi's incessant blabbering was hilarious. And then he asks for spices too, what a jackass. But has anyone heard anything regarding this rule? Seems like the producers would tell them where they were and weren't allowed to go. Makes me wonder if we'll see more of this sort of thing in the future, which might be cool."

love me or leave me: "I have a feeling it's being 'allowed' sometimes now to help spice up an episode and give a little more "action." I wouldn't even be surprised if production sort of encouraged it. But the survivors are probably well aware of that and know it wouldn't be allowed more than one "accidental" time."

sir debb eaton hogg: "It could be because it was an honest mistake, i.e. these three dimwits had no idea the island was already inhabited. But given that, wouldn't you want to leave if you were greeted the way Cowboy, Flicker and Oz were?"

motivational poster by smokeitgood

WylDawg: "I thought the contestants from every season knew where the other tribes were located and thus had to stay away from there. But in Guatemala, they clearly showed us that you're allowed to visit the other tribe I guess."

NIGHTCRAWLER: "They obviously had cameramen and production crew with them. I don't think that they were TOLD that the other tribe was there, but they weren't stopped from going there either. They thought it would make good TV. They were partly correct."

Francois40: "I thought for sure they'd get in trouble somehow. It may have been an accident that they landed on Raro's island, but Flica, an ex-Raro, surely recognized the path to camp before they actually popped in on them. I expected them to say, "Oh Shit!" and make haste getting out, NOT pop in for tea and crumpets."

PoChop: "I doubt Flicka would even remember the name of her previous tribe."

Mateui: "If they weren't violating a rule, they might as well have waited until Raro fell asleep, and then started raiding the camp. Now that would have been awesome TV."

KaizerSozeLives: "That's what I was thinking - after they get back to camp and realize that they didn't get in trouble, would they consider going back for a night-time raid or something? It would totally freak the other tribe out, especially if you came in screaming and howling. The other tribe would be put totally off-balance for the challenge the next day. Would be hilarious to watch."

WylDawg: "I'm pretty sure someone would wake up if they raided the camps. The sleeping conditions are horrible so it just makes that much easier to wake up. And seeing as the other tribe is miles away, you have to wonder if it's worth hiking/canoeing there in the middle of the night just to get caught 30 seconds after you arrive at their camp."

peasprouts: "Now watch, the evolution of this is that in season 14, both tribes will send out scouts to locate each other's camps and perform night stealth raids. Eventually, someone's gonna get killed."

BECKY

Speaking of people getting killed, what the hell happened to Becky this episode?

motivational poster by NIGHTCRAWLER

ADAM

This episode marks the true debut of Adam (aka "Adumb"); not that it was meaningful but it was double the amount of facetime he'd had in the first 4 episodes put together. Italian Dudeps started a thread (and it didn't get locked!) asking what everyone thinks of Adam now.

motivational poster by jppuertorico85

yelluwskys: "Actually I kinda like him. He's becoming the core player in the team…"

ManWhore019: "Still a douchebag."

PussInBuutz: "Hated him."

pjadedd: "I did like his 'I thought Cristina knew she was a bitch' line."

erickman: "I like how he fishes: just walks around and fish wrap around him."

motivational poster by notremojo

ItalianDudeps: "I think he makes jury now, to be honest."

ShiverMeTimbers: "Actually he didn't bother me this episode. He had a right to be pissed about the octopus mishap. And he and Nate toughed out that challenge, good for them."

Mega64: "He actually suggested sending back to EI someone who's previously been to EI. Where the hell did that come from? He's probably the dumbest person there, yet he's also the only one smart enough to realize this limits the potential candidates holding the HII. I don't know what to think. Is he a meathead or is he just playing really really dumb?"

NIGHTCRAWLER: "He's whiny and delusional."

Francois40: "Seems like the usual 'bump in airtime before the boot' syndrome to me."

MidnightPrince: "His lips were made for sucking. That's all that matters. I wouldn't mind having his lips wrapped around my dick. So he's useful for something. I'd make him swallow too because he's such a bitch."

sunsawed: "Man candy. NEXT."

STEPHANNIE

When a contestant departs, his or her picture at Sucks is replaced with an image specially chosen for its aptness. For example, Sekou, being a jazz musician and a cartoonish character, is now depicted by Bleeding Gums Murphy from The Simpsons. Choosing a picture for Stephannie didn't take long.

motivational poster by notremojo

No, she's not represented by that picture. Stephannie is represented by a bowl of Mashed Potatoes.

motivational poster by notremojo

You betcha!!

vidcap by smokeitgood

This week's Blog title is linked to drinkinghotchocolate's thread asking, "Is that the first time someone got booted over a vegetable?" It's another 3-page shlep down memory lane, something the Sucksters do with increasing glee and frequency. I'm afraid this season is just not living up to expectations. It needs a major kick in the teeth. Maybe we're about to get it:

motivational poster by notremojo

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Episode 4: "Awesome Season. Isn't It?"

2006-10-09T22:13:00.000-04:00

This week, many threads currently on the front page of Sucks involve past seasons, former Survivors or ourselves: Ghostnics Love Thread, Former Survivors Chain Letter and Biggest Betrayals in Survivor History.

Threads dealing with this season? Well, Who Is Adumb? isn't the only option. There is Mega64's "JP sucked at challenges and pissed everyone off." Here are some excerpts:

Mega64: "So how exactly was voting him off a bad thing? Now they'll get along more and won't have McFairyFuckface holding them back with his subpar swimming skills and lazy diva attitude. I'm just saying that getting rid of him isn't going to ruin Raro. He wasn't like fucking Rupert or Ozzy or anything. He's probably the weakest guy in the tribe anyway and probably weakest overall besides Cao Boi.

This is more of a "Why the fuck is everyone claiming voting off JP was a bad move?" thread than a "JP is an annoying prick and I want to smack him over the head with a 2x4" thread.

James Barber: "It's not so much he was a powerhouse for the tribe as there were some very weak links on the tribe (many of the women) who aren't good at challenges. JP gave more of an edge, and now they're minus him, they still have their weaker players, the other tribe still has 3 strong guys, and stronger women than Raro has."

Mega64: "They have Brad, Adam, and Nate. Those three would still run circles around Jonathan, Yul, and Ozzy (except for swimming, which they're fucked with or without JP as he proved tonight). And it's not like the rest of Aitu is any stronger either, with fucking Cao Boi and Flicka being the next strongest people. Yeah, they could definitely afford to ditch JP. Tribal unity's much more important than strength, as bickering tribes 9/10 times lose no matter how strong they are (Casaya being the exception)."

James Barber: "Remember Pearl Islands, when even though Burton wasn't the strongest man on Drake, they kept losing challenges after he was voted out."

Mega64: "I'd say that's more because they finally let Morgan win a challenge and thus gather momentem and a winning spirit to start creaming Drake. Morgan was a complete shithole until Drake threw that challenge. Burton probably wouldn't have stopped Morgan after they began their streak. Plus at that point they were much more unified since Andrew finally got rid of all the people that questioned his horrible leadership.

And let's not forget tribes like Maraamu, Boran in the beginning, Sook Jai, and of course Ulong. Brawns are useless if your tribe hates each other. It's much better to get rid of someone that's harming tribal unity, like JP was, in order to keep your tribe's bond strong. Because what good is strength if you don't have the desire to use it?"

AMAI: "Oh, good points, Mega64. I think a similar sentiment was part of the motivation for Ozzy to ask Aitu tribe to throw the challenge to boot Billy. It happened early enough that they didn't have the momentum built up. He also didn't know how long the game would continue in these original tribes. Even if you are a student of the entire 12 previous seasons, one thing you know is that you cannot count on what has happened before, happening again. Look at Palau, where they kept expecting a merge, and it never came."

UrbanEnzyme: "The only people that were smart in voting off JP were Stephannie as it was either gonna be him or her, and Rebecca and Jenny, as JP has said that they were to be targeted had Stephannie not been a dumb bitch about losing. Why Cristina jumped at the chance to vote off her only ally is beyond me."

AMAI: "How was JP Cristina's ally? Just because they both came from the original Hispanic tribe doesn't mean they were true allies. They disagreed about throwing the challenge for Billy's boot. Even after learning about the extent of Billy's delusion, Cristina still didn't seem to care for JP.

I think part of the point of this season is that just because you originally came from the same ethnicity and the same original tribe, is not automatically a guarantee that you will feel you have a stronger bond than a bond you form with new people. Whether the alliances are gender based (the Raro women and men), ethnicity-based (Becky & Yul both Koreans) or shared kookiness (Flicka and Cao Boi), original tribal alliances should not be viewed as guaranteeing an ally. There is nothing that says one OUGHT to be loyal to the original tribe, when that's the only bond there is."

The season is a good one, it's just taking time to get going. Will Ethnicity have a bearing? Should it? The Ethnicity Factor may appear to have been diluted to the point of irrelevancy, but even when it's the same-old, same-old alliances and numbers, the Photochoppers and Motivational Poster posters never seem to tire of their fun. This week's set focuses on strategy.

Parvati's Strategy

by WylDawg

Ozzy's Strategy

by notremojo

AMAI: "He'll either kill himself or make it to the Final Four."

Candice's Strategy

by ShiverMeTimbers

AnomyBC: "I think she was missing the point with acting dumb there. She should have been trying to convince her tribe that she was loyal to them, not that she was a retard."

JP's Strategy

Three people took the same vidcap and made a different Motivational Poster to talk about the dearly departed JP.

by notremojo

by Mateui

by PrettyGoodYear1988

AMAI: "Speaking of bossing Brad around... this animation by Pencake is not safe for work but it might explain why Brad voted to boot JP. He just couldn't take being told CONSTANTLY what to do."

A "CAPTION THIS" GAME

One of this week's Feature Threads is CAPTION THIS: ARMPITS. tutorial posted a vidcap, and invited everyone to supply ideas for a caption to accompany it.

Here are some of the responses:

tutorial: "Sundra: 'I realized that I have BO.'"

UrbanCenter: "Sundra: 'How did my vagina get up here?'"

waddadouche: "Uh, maybe the immunity idol is over here in exile armpit, uh huh, uh huh."

Will: "Sundra: 'My favorite American Idol is Constantine. Can you tell?'"

Pink Karnation: "Smells like fish but it tastes like chicken."

Sigvold: "The Cook Islands: The Armpit of the South Pacific"

beatles20147: "Sundra: Sniffing my armpits will be worth it if I can actually get some airtime for once.'"

Think you can do better? Come over to the board and prove it. Click the title of this week's Blog to go directly to the thread.

To conclude this week's edition of Survivor Sucks The Blog, AmberKnecht has a little remedial math lesson on FRACTIONS:

First, for new-Raro men: 4/9 is less than 5/9
If you're comfortable because the four of you are "solid," perhaps you should get a tiny refresher course on this little nugget: four is not more than half of nine.

Next, for Brad: "95% of the time" is less than "always"
When you say "95% of the time, my gut is always right," I begin to worry if you're the love child of Lex and Yogi Berra. As everyone knows, 95% of the time, "always" always means "100% of the time."

And finally, for Ozzy: 9/11 is less than 1.
When you say, "Today, we caught 11 fish. I caught 9 of them. I'm happy to be the sole provider," "sole" had better be the KIND of fish you caught. Trust me; I checked this with Michael Bolton. (No one's gonna get that joke, but screw it; it makes me smile.)

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Episode 3: Recycled Challenges & Blossoming Hate

2006-10-02T20:46:00.000-04:00

EPISODE 3

image by notremojo

beatles20147:
"With Cecilia leaving, we've lost the first hottie of the season...so let's get ready for a Guatemala-style systematic elimination of boring babes. (I'd say that Candice is leaving but the promo leads me to believe that the new Raro goes to TC, so I guess it's Parvati.)

This was a pretty kickass ep, the season has drastically improved with each passing episode, but I get the feeling that this week was the peak, at least for a while. One challenge an episode is the best decision they've made since casting Kelly Goldsmith.

There's still something off about this season. I read a comment earlier tonight that was completely accurate; in the show's 13 seasons, this cast by far is the most aware that they're on TV. Jonathan seems like a nice guy, but come on, his confessionals are some of the most over-the-top in the show's history (frankly, Jeff Varner had the overall best confessionals ever in that they were extremely entertaining but they seemed natural).

And recycled or not, I love this challenge. It was better in Palau, where it lasted longer and winded more people (and there was some Tomination), but hey, still my all-time favorite challenge. They should have done it when they had four tribes though, that would have been even more entertaining.

Finally, I'd like to send a message to NBC: move Earl and The Office already! It's getting creamed by Survivor and Ugly Betty. Survivor and The Office are my two favorite shows ever, so it pains me every week to know that I can't watch both of them when they're on."

TRIBE SWAP

image by jppuertorico85

samsgap:
"I feel like the agenda for dividing tribes by race was purely publicity. The re-shuffle within just a few days (after only 2 TCs) speaks volumes. Social experiment...ho hum!! I know it's Survivor and we have come to expect twists, but I've also learned that most of the time the twists aren't all they appear to be, and after all, it is just a TV show!

But enough already with recruiting players, most of whom have no or very little grasp of the concept of the game.

And it's not even as if no one applies and therefore EPMB has no choice but to recruit players. You just can't tell me that of all the applicants, he could not have filled Cook Islands with 20 interesting players who WANTED to be there AND could have made for some good TV.

Instead we get to watch things like Flicka stating she just wants to hang out and make some friends. No strategy whatsoever. Not even aware enough to keep herself UTR in order to fulfill her own reasons for being there. And Ozzy, JP, et al by so BLATANTLY throwing the challenge. (I know & agree Billy HAD to GO and was potentially a huge liability.) So take him out, throw the challenge, but at least attempt to look as if you are playing for the win. A-C-T-I-N-G!! to keep yourself in the game!

And not to change the subject, but why didn't EPMB give Candice any "face-time" on Exile Island??!! Gee, ya' think she found the II with the third clue?? Oh yea, Yul has it!! Oh yea, yawn!!

The worst part is, I can't stop watching!! lol!! It is some sort of demented comedy, I mean, c'mon: Billy, JP's eyerolls, and CaoBoi and the Bad Winds. Proven material for countless and seemingly endless threads. That's my favorite part about Survivor: no matter which way the Bad Winds blow, I can always count on being amused!!!"

Speaking of amusing things...
HOW ABOUT THAT IMMUNITY CHALLENGE:

image by notremojo

Recycled Palau Challenge Depreciation
threadstarter: elinorrigby

elinorrigby: "Seriously, WTF was that bullshit??? Palau just came out on DVD, no need to show us that no woman on Cook Island comes close to being Stephenie!!! GAWD yet another reason to boycott this farce!!!!!"

Piranahahaha: "I didn't like seeing a recycled challenge, either, but you have to admit it's one of the better challenges they've come up with."

elinorrigby: "No it's stupid ... boring ass walk around in circles challenge!! Where the hell is the nasty food challenge????????"

AMAI: "LOL, Elinor. So you're just upset about which challenge they're recycling?"

Mega64: "That was a great challenge, but this iteration just sucked. It should probably not be used again. Palau's was a classic, but this cheapened the reputation of one of the few great challenges in Survivor history."

beatles20147: "Eli, it's the best challenge ever; it should be in every season! There aren't too many decent group endurance challenges and this one is perfect. It wasn't as great as Palau's since it was shorter and none of them seemed to be dead tired but still going on like in Palau but still, I was glad to see it again."

managerr: "The teams were way too lopsided strength-wise for this challenge to be interesting."

Scruffy Guy: "At least they added a TACKLE and not just a TOUCH, as it was in Palau. Still, it was boring. Doesn't look as torturous on TV as it actually is. The viewers need to see more PAIN and suffering. Just IMAGINING it doesn't do much for me."

KerryAhn: "I love this challenge. First for the cool aerial, water shots of the two teams, as mentioned last page, and secondly because I think it really is an all-around challenge, not just who's stronger.

In Palau, more than last night, there was some strategy involved. As I remember, Ian/Tom would quicken the pace through the shallow part, slow down through the deep part. Good strategy.

If I had been on the 'weak' team last night, I would have realized that there was no way to win a long, slow walk contest and I would have immediately ditched the weaklings, loaded up Yul, Ozzy, Jon and Cao Boi, and made it a sprint. Element of surprise plus a chance that weak ones on the strong team would slow down the strong ones. Play it out quick while you still have energy and hope for the best. Weak team did not play it right last night."

DogmaticAtheist: "Actually, in an interview with Cece, Yul planned exactly what you just mentioned, KerryAhn. But when the women left, the other team did the exact same thing."

Fawn Leibowitz: "You know ol' Tom was at home watching this, yelling at the TV, "I carried 80 lbs. You WEAKLINGS!"

Sunshine: "Elin, what were you doing watching the show? Thought you were boycotting."

Elinorrigby: "I am boycotting (in my own special way)!!!"

ABOUT PARVATI

image by PrettyGoodYear1988

Nuclear snake: Well first off you should be at the very least cute if you want to get anywhere flirting. She's butt-ugly. Second, she should have scoped out the tribe first. Flirting isn't a great strategy when two of the four men are gay.

NIGHTCRAWLER: I'm lovin' the sudden Parvati hatred. See? I told you!!! She's NOT cute! She's NOT seductive! She flirts like an autistic blind girl! Flicka didn't come across as too smart tonight either, but Parvati looked like a total 'tard!!

Which brings us to this week's

POINT/COUNTERPOINT featuring NIGHTCRAWLER and AMAI

NIGHTCRAWLER: "Parvati. How Do I Hate You? Let Me Count The Ways. Wow - after all the buildup for the racial division, tonight's episode seemed - well - unshocking! After a mere week …
AMAI: "Two weeks…"

NIGHTCRAWLER: "Okay, two weeks, of EXTREME RACIAL TENSION, the Probster jumbled up the segregated tribes of four into a 'melting pot' of 2 tribes. It was quite humorous to see how the cast members tried to adjust to this mixup. J.P. and Brad instantly start being gay. They're so gonna be a secret alliance! They must be confused as to what Jeff means when he says, "Alliances always screw each other over."

photochop by Phuz1

AMAI: "Maybe it means they're gonna see some action, which means we're gonna see some action. About time! EPMB is totally doing this season for Sucks."

NIGHTCRAWLER: "Then, when it's time for Flicka to choose the next member of their tribe, she calls on Sundra referring to her as 'the sista on the end.' Classy, Jess. I'm trying to cheer for you, but you're making it SO hard. Please just stop talking and move forward with seeming like you'd be fun to hang around."

AMAI: "I think Flicka would have you pleading to be allowed to hang out with Parvati more quickly than you realize. Flicka would feel manipulated if asked if she'd like ham or cheese on her sandwich."

NIGHTCRAWLER: "Possibly. We also had a chance to see CeCe reveal the insanity of Billy to Candice. I loved the look on Candice's face when she learned that Billy had been stalking her for a week. They should've inserted a little sound clip that whispered "Obsession......by Billy Garcia." Oh, and was I the only guy watching who wanted to see Candice and CeCe start making out in that scene? Ratings missed, MB."

AMAI: "Poor Candice. Didn't you see her look of sadness when Jif pointed out that Billy had been booted? I thought she did a superb job of hiding her desolation. Maybe Candice's allies voted out Cecilia to punish her for being so gleeful when she reported Billy's delusional infatuation."

NIGHTCRAWLER: "Speaking of people 'not making out,' what the hell is up with Parvati? Not only does she look like Francis the Talking Mule...but she went on and on about how she was going to resort to her excellent flirting skills in order to help her get far in the game. She proceeded to "flirt" and was then ignored by all of the guys. Yeah, great strategy, Parcheesi! Use flirting as your weapon when you're on a tribe with 2 gay guys, a pedophile and Nate, who seems to just be oblivious to everyone! 'That's a lot of meat,' she mumbled to Nate, while rubbing herself against a tree. God what I wouldn't have given for her to have tripped and fallen flat on her face, just like Jamie Lee Curtis did in True Lies when she was trying to dance seductively for Arnold. Parvati, dear, if you're going to try to get far by flirting, you might want to make certain that you CAN in fact flirt. Also, verify that you are attractive."

AMAI: "Poor Parvati. The only guys her charms MIGHT have worked on are on the other tribe. Parvati might be attractive if she'd shut her gigantic mouth. She looks like she could swallow all those guys' dicks at once. Poor Nate. He looks like his dick doesn't work. But if you want unattractive, then take a close look at Flicka's empty-headed butterface."

NIGHTCRAWLER: "Asian Jesus continues to get the positive edit tonight, and now he's pulled in his Taiwanian Mary Magdelene. Yul and Becky will go far in this game! They will make it to the Final 6, I bet!"

AMAI: "Don't get too excited, there, NC. Yul stupidly trusted Becky with the information about the HII, and she'll probably blab the info to someone and he'll be targeted, then booted."

NIGHTCRAWLER: "I'm hoping that Flicka makes it to the end...and then reveals that her recent stupidity was just a trick."

AMAI: "No way! You're a Flicka Fan? OMG! What if her stupidity is for real? You are condemning us to have to look at that face. She looks like a stack of pancakes was dropped on a busy hair salon floor. I'm trying to assimilate Flicka but she is just so very indigestible. There's no 'there' there."

NIGHTCRAWLER: "If her stupidity is real, then I'll just make more jokes about her. It appears that next week, Cao Boi impales a seagull with a spear, and then knocks its babies out of the nest. Bastard!!! One can only hope that we get to hear another one of his incoherent political speeches that no one is really ever listening to."

AMAI: "Fresh balute. Good source of protein. It's food, and if you're allowed to eat it, you eat it! And what do you mean, speeches no one listens to? Everyone listens, but then reports a different view. I think he's going to be around for awhile."

NIGHTCRAWLER: "This week's "PHANTOMS" = Cristina and Jenny. Are they even really on the show? I never see them! I never hear them! You could replace them with life-sized cardboard cutouts bearing their image, and everyone would be none-the-wiser!! WTF?! At least make SOMETHING out of your 15 minutes of fame and SPEAK!!!"

AMAI: "Jenny might be the Darrah. She's that fucking quiet. Next to no importance to the story, as in, doesn't make things happen, but does her share of work and doesn't get in the line of fire. Cristina is this year's female cop, who after braving the mean streets of South Central L.A., or wherever it is she's from, is now braving the elements and will eventually land herself a nice vacation in Costa Rica or El Salvador or some other Central American slum with high-priced resort villages where she'll try to relax with the rest of the non-jurors. Good thing she's used to dodging bullets. I wish Flicka were more of a phantom."

SPEAKING OF PHANTOMS...

image by jppuertorico85

ABOUT THE ASIANS

photochop by Pink Karnation

Wc3Fanatic: I think it's interesting to note that the Insider Clips had very useful information regarding the Candice/Becky/Yul/Jonathan alliance and how Becky has been working to save herself. I won't post in case they're regarded as spoilers, but I will say that editing, which gave Becky 0 confessionals, did her no justice, because she had some great insights on the insider.

Becky and Yul seem to be so solid.

I think Yul telling Becky about the idol right away was a good move to instill even more trust. Had Yul told her a few weeks later, or when he was booted, then she might be wary of him. However, had Becky gotten the most votes last TC, it would've been very stupid of Yul to use the Idol: he's too much of a good competitor that he can't be voted out by his tribe anyways, and he would always be targeted before Becky post-merge.

Right now, out of everyone post-merge on Aitu (because we can't tell what's going on at Raro, other than Parvati flirting), Becky has been playing game the most, followed by Jonathan, then Candice, then Yul via Becky. Great to see that they're in an alliance!

Ichiro20: "There's no doubt in my mind that the ASIANOWANGE will continue on for generations of Survivor. With the popularity of the Asian tribe (Yul, Cao Boi, and Becky are top 3 in popularity at CBS.com), I assume that if Burnett wants the show to stay free of cancellation, they will at least have half of the contestants next season Asian instead of the usual tan blonde/brunette models. The only other contestant worthy of any ownage is Alan Alda... I mean Jonathan."

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